Tim The Safecracker Geithner

  • 21 Apr 2009 at 10:16 AM

Treasury Totally Cool For The Weekend, Doesn’t Need Allowance From Dad

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Absolutely nothing at the Treasury is fucked. Understand? Nothing is fucked. And, you know what? Screw you for asking too.

“We have the resources to move forward implementing all aspects of our Financial Stability Plan,” Geithner said in a letter to the panel overseeing the bailout.

In fact, with the implementation of all aspects of the Financial Stability Plan using the resources allocated to move forward that we have, we will be leveraging said resources according to per usual best practices unless unforeseen fluid developments materialize and challenge liquidity. (i.e. Greenspan he’s not).

Treasury doesn’t need more bailout money: Geithner [Reuters]

  • 13 Apr 2009 at 2:26 PM

Blind Trust? I Don’t THINK So.

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Shouldn’t these people have their fortunes locked in a poorly administered blind trust before accepting office?

Lawrence Summers’ bullish economic sentiments helped send markets soaring at the end of last week. But even after assuming his role as the president’s top economic adviser in January, Summers seemed far more skeptical that the markets would recover any time soon, as evidenced by the only metric that really counts–his own personal cash. Specifically, in 2008 through early 2009, Summers stashed most of his liquid assets in tax-free municipal bonds–between $5 million and $25 million worth–leaving himself relatively little exposure to the stock market, a Daily Beast analysis of his recently released financial-disclosure report reveals.

Of course, it is entertaining to pit Summers against Geithner, as The Beast happily proceeds to do, but we think we can be forgiven for thinking both of these two should have all their money locked in an emerging markets ETF by a 20something analyst at a foreign firm. That would, after all, be fitting, no?
What Do They Know That We Don’t? [The Daily Beast]

  • 02 Apr 2009 at 4:05 PM

Totally Unfounded Rumor Of The Day: Stressing The Safecracker

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tim.pngA reader writes in, attaching photographic evidence: “Am I the only one who has noticed that Tim is increasingly bearing the tell-tale flushed cheeks of a witness who has been indulging in a bit of liquid courage before testifying? And he always seems to hit a wall after about 90 to 120 minutes, as if its time for another shot or two. Am I way off here? He never used to look this flushed. Not even when talking about his taxes.”
We remain unconvinced. Maxine Waters puts the color in our cheeks even when we are separated from her by a thousand miles and the thickness of glass on our flat panel.
What say you, Dealbreaker?

  • 26 Mar 2009 at 11:02 AM

Geithner in the House (Financial Services Committee): Slogans

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Running list of the best slogans:
“The foxes don’t want us to guard the henhouse.” (Rep. Green)
“The paralysis of analysis. The paralysis of analysis. The paralysis of analysis. Analysis of paralysis.” (Repeated incessantly) (Rep. Green)

  • 24 Mar 2009 at 3:34 PM

The Safe Cracker Really Wishes Krugman Would Just Shut The Hell Up

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krug.jpgKrugman doesn’t think much of the latest Geithner plan. Surprise, surprise.

Notice that the government equity stake doesn’t matter — the calculation is the same whether private investors put up all or only part of the equity. It’s the loan that provides the subsidy.
And in this example it’s a large subsidy — 30 percent.

We are sort of puzzled, however, that he hasn’t fixated more on the effect the plan, and the inflated marks it could create, will have on related assets that are stuck in mark-to-market mode, and that this may be the Treasury’s real goal. After all, imagine the multiplier the Treasury is getting this way. Consider:
Agency and non-agency mortgage backed securities outstanding were about $7.5 trillion in late 2008. If a mere 10% of these are currently afflicted with the evils of mark-to-market accounting because they have become Level III assets (we can’t help but think of Schedule III narcotics whenever we see that), the Treasury is in a position here to buoy up marks on $750 billion in assets with the use of $50 billion in capital. (Assuming half the $100 billion PPIP program is used on the Securities rather than the Legacy Loan side of the problem and that the figure stays at $100 billion for the entire program). Plug in your own figure for the amount of subsidy you think the Fed’s leverage is putting on the marks and do your own calculation as to the effects.
We think the plan is just re-inflation (and we bet the Administration really wishes Krugman would shut up about this subsidy stuff) but at least it seems it might be effective re-inflation.
Geithner plan arithmetic [The New York Times]

  • 24 Mar 2009 at 11:12 AM

Will Cause Great Question….

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quantum.pngWe started watching the latest episode of “The Safecracker” and intended to begin live blogging it, but we were transfixed immediately by the undulating waves on his Crackness’ forehead. Branded there like a quantum interference pattern, emanating from the twin slits of two Pink Floydesque eyebrows, as the single photons of bailout are at once reducing the cost of home ownership, and reflating asset prices in his brain. Excuse us for a few minutes while we gaze upon the physical paradox of the forehead wrinkles in time.
Maxine Waters has jarred us out of our contemplation of the great cosmic order with her particularly insane brand of chaos theory.
Waters: Mr. Geithner, your CEO is from Goldman Sachs?
The Safecracker: My CEO?
We wonder, who is the CEO of the Treasury? Who is the boss of you, Your Crackness?
Waters: The talk is, that this small group of decision makers at the center of it is Goldman Sachs because people are thinking or believing that Goldman Sachs, because of the connections, is having a lot to do with the decisions are being made. (phew) We believe that Goldman Sachs will again be one of those that will be the beneficiary.
The Safecracker: I think it is deeply unfair to suggest that Goldman Sachs is a den of poisonous, bloodsucking vipers.
Carolyn Maloney: I’m doing a study on failure. You know, I have a PhD in fail. Yes it was from the University of Phoenix, but I think we all know they are the foremost authority on fail. Can you give me the government analysis that determined that Lehman should fail? The death warrant. You know? The fail warrant?
Beard: What? Uh, sure. I’ll look.
Bachmann: Mr. Chair, can I have an answer on my inane and misguided question?
His Frankness: No, you can go pound salt.
Jenkins: How much more money is AIG going to need?
Dudley: We have no fucking clue.
colbert1.png
Castle: So Dodd is fucked on this bonus language. How about you? Are your fingerprints on that?
The Safecracker: I wore a tie today.
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Ackerman: Those AIG traitors should have returned twice their bonuses. Greed is the problem. We need to legislate away greed. Greed plus innovation is very dangerous. Let’s kill them both. My white carnation is the new yellow bracelet. It stands against greed. And intelligence. I couldn’t figure out how to put it into my button hole so I just stapled it onto my suit.
Royce: I lost my jacket in the morning Congressional poker game.
Sherman: I cannot believe we are letting this populist uproar to fade. How are we going to get this back roaring? Geithner, you. How about you publish the current and future salary info on all the TARP recipients? Are you going to give us the chart? Or are you going to hide the ball?
The Safecracker: I am not going to hide the ball
Sherman: So are you going to give us the chart?
The Safecracker: I’ll think about it.
Sherman: So you’re not?
The Safecracker: I said I would think about it.
Sherman: What the hell is Cash-Carry (your quarterback) still doing running the compensation standards? When are we going to get regs to prevent anyone anywhere from making a million dollars ever?
Lucas: So, investors are going to make millions on this bailout?
The Safecracker: The taxpayer too.
Lucas (puzzled look): Hmmmph.
Meeks: Should we regulate credit default swaps?
The Safecracker: Let me uncork my standard, bottled speech on central clearinghouses.
Meeks: Are Wall Street jobs going to head to London now that we’ve threatened these employees with dismemberment and death?
The Safecracker: Uh… maybe.
Paul: We didn’t have capitalism. We had the Federal Reserve messing up the entire system. (Lather, rinse, repeat. x4). Didn’t we have too much government here? Who’s to blame. Market, or crony capitalism?
Beard: I don’t blame capitalism. Panics are a reality.
Moore: The Inspector General of TARP believes that taxpayer exposure is near $3 trillion. What the hell?
The Safecracker: That figure is the total loan figure. You’d have to assume a total loss for that to be realized. And that is never… going… to… ever… happen… I’m… totally… serious.
Lynch: Let’s sue AIG for these bonuses. Isn’t this a fraudulent conveyance?
The Safecracker: We are looking very carefully at all legal avenues to go back and see if we can get these back. I can’t tell you today that we’ve found a way to do it. But we are on it.
Beard: We’ll check. I hope we can.
Dudley: We’ll try.

  • 19 Mar 2009 at 10:33 AM

Devil Is In The Details

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gei.jpgIt is becoming a common refrain, this idea that any plan with Geithner’s name on it anywhere lacks detail. The IMF is only the latest critic to level this accusation.

U.S. Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner’s plan to fix the financial system lacks “essential details,” the International Monetary Fund said in criticism of its largest shareholder.
The IMF, in a report released today, said “more specifics will be needed to calm frayed market sentiment.” The Standard & Poor’s 500 Index, which has gained in six of the past seven days, is still down 8.7 percent since Geithner outlined his financial stabilization effort on Feb. 10.

In the same way the market senses weakness and is attracted to blood in the water, Geithner seems to be attracting any number of predators ready to clamp their teeth into the guy. The latest AIG mess, which has Geithner’s fingerprints all over it, has added to the impression that The Safecracker isn’t long for his position. At least one Congresscritter has called publicly for his ouster, and that’s not all: When Code Pink has got your name in the cross hairs, look out, baby.
Tim, take it from us, your next plan better be 650 pages and have 50+ exhibits attached in front of 900 footnotes.
IMF Criticizes Geithner’s Bank Rescue Plan as ‘Lacking Details’ [Bloomberg]
AIG Firestorm Has Democrats Edgy About Geithner, Team [Bloomberg]