• News

    Don’t Let The Whims Of Some Pissant Kid Eat Into Your Profits

    Why do people work on Wall Street? Some do it for the money. Some the love of the game. And some to put enough in the bank that they can one day leave the industry and finance their true passion. And, as a comprehensive survey shows, for many, that passion is dolls. Barbie dolls, cabbage […]

    / Oct 7, 2011 at 2:56 PM
  • News

    Judge Semi-Swayed By Former Galleon Group Employee’s Plea For Sentencing Leniency Due To Son’s Slow Start On Crawling

    As previously discussed, Raj Rajaratnam is scheduled to be sentenced next week for his insider trading. The prosecution would like the Galleon Group founder to go away for twenty to twenty four years, while the defense would like way, way less time than that and are banking on the judge being swayed by the argument […]

    / Oct 7, 2011 at 12:37 PM
  • News

    How To Succeed On Wall Street Without Trying, Like, At All

    As we surely needn’t tell you, when one is a high-powered college student expecting to graduate with a bachelor’s degree from Penn next year, one does not have a lot of time on his or her hands. Every moment is precious and efficiency is of the utmost importance. While you might think you already do […]

    / Sep 28, 2011 at 3:36 PM
  • News

    How To Make Your Hedge Fund A Runaway Success, By Alphonse Fletcher Jr. (Part II)

    Remember Alphonse “Buddy” Fletcher Jr.? He’s the veteran of Wall Street who last month laid out some tips for making your firm a runaway success. They included making math work for you (Fletcher says his firm has “more than $500 million of assets under management. But it appears to arrive at this figure by counting […]

    / Aug 30, 2011 at 1:39 PM
  • News

    What Wall Street Can Learn From Serena Williams

    From time to time around these parts, we like to canvas the world outside Wall Street to see how they deal with certain issues, particularly those related to crisis management. Often times, there are helpful tips to be borrowed and applied to any pre or post Code Red office situations in which you might find […]

    / Aug 29, 2011 at 7:06 PM
  • News

    2007 Bonus Levels Are Just One Sharpie Away

    Are you anticipating being having your email shut off, desk cleared out, and greeted with a look of no recognition from your office security guard when you attempt to get into the building any time soon? Or perhaps preparing for a bonus that “entitles you to two free back rubs” from your direct report? Want […]

    / Aug 2, 2011 at 11:30 AM
  • News

    Suspend Your Meth Usage On The Trading Floor Until At Least Mid-September

    Toying with the idea of cranking things up a notch at work with a few lines of blow before the open, exploring the affects of Ecstasy on your ability to trade, smoking enough meth to lose your teeth and/or saying fuck it on casual Fridays and rolling in wearing a button down with the sleeves […]

    / Jul 28, 2011 at 3:39 PM
  • News

    Lady Who Traded On Inside Information Obtained From AshleyMadison.Com Paramours Will Not Do Time

    Remember Donna Murdoch? Her story is a bit complicated but essentially: Murdoch and her husband were hard up for some money (they owed $1.45 million on a subprime home mortgage, natch). She decided the best way to tackle the debt was to make some money trading on material non-public information. Getting the tips was easy […]

    / Jul 28, 2011 at 11:49 AM
  • Uncategorized

    Let’s Talk About: CFA Results

    Thirty-nine percent of Level 1 takers and forty-three percent of Level II’ers are likely feeling prettay prettay prettay good at the moment, possibly on account of celebratory morning drinks or the realization that the promise land is within reach. The rest of you are probably in not as great a place, on account of having […]

    / Jul 26, 2011 at 9:49 AM
  • News

    What CEO Wives Can Learn From Wendi Deng: This Is How You Defend Your Man

    As you may have heard, a man attempted to hit Rupert Murdoch in the face with a pie during his hearing before Parliament this morning. It’s unclear what sort of cream the pastry contained (custard, whipped, shaving, man, cow), but apparently some of it “spattered Murdoch,” and the proceedings were adjourned for 10 minutes. The […]

    / Jul 19, 2011 at 12:54 PM
  • Banks, News

    How To Rebuild A Bank And Change The World

    Listen up, people. From time to time around these parts we like to offer you How To Guides, to getting your shit done. Most recently we laid out the steps necessary to getting any bonus you want. Those who followed the instructions were more than pleased with their numbers come D-Day. Those who did not […]

    / Jul 13, 2011 at 3:13 PM
  • News

    CNBC Wants To Help Cure Your Hangover

    Not feeling so hot today? Kind of wishing it wasn’t frowned upon to catch a few winks under your desk or curled up in the stall of the men’s room? Vowing to never again consume the amount of alcohol you did over the past three days, so help you god? CNBC knows it’s not possible […]

    / Jul 5, 2011 at 4:15 PM
  • News

    Breaking: Being Non-Bathing Prick Not Necessarily Helpful For Career Advancement

    You might think that hygiene habits should be a personal decision left to each staff member’s own discretion, but Cohen said that the reach of bad body odor goes beyond the cubicle around you. “It’s engaging in anti-social behavior,” he said. “Not bathing, being unkempt… You have to be very careful, especially if you’re in […]

    / Jun 22, 2011 at 2:53 PM
  • News

    Congressman Anthony Weiner Offers Several Tips Titans Of Wall Street Ought To File Away For Safe-Keeping

    Thinking about tweeting pictures of your package to some college chicks? Head of a public company whose board might take issue with the shots and try and force you out? If you want to keep your job, schedule a meeting (10 days after you get caught) and take several pages from Congressman Anthony Weiner’s playabook.

    / Jun 6, 2011 at 5:44 PM
  • News

    Raj Rajaratnam Juror Offers Insider Tips For Any Would-Be Insider Traders

    So you’ve started a hedge fund and have decided the best way to maximize returns for investors is by trading on material non-public information. With the government’s crackdown on insider trading, odds are you will ultimately get caught and, if you’ve suffered blunt trauma to the head, will decide to take your chances at a […]

    / May 16, 2011 at 12:44 PM
  • News

    Hedge Funds Crowding The Ping Pong Trade

    Earlier this week, we took a serious look at a sport beloved to a certain hedge fund in Stamford, CT: ping pong. Second only to trading and hunting humans, p-pong is the pastime that is often cited internally as the secret to this firm’s success, the practice of which has made what started out as […]

    / May 5, 2011 at 3:43 PM
  • News

    How Much Should One Investment Banker Tip Cabbie Driving Him And A Pal From New York To LA?

    A week or so ago, Dan Wuebben woke up at his best bud John Belitsky’s apartment. The duo had been celebrating Dan’s 31st birthday, and they wanted to keep the party going. “It seemed like everybody was away,” Belitsky said. “And I said, ‘Let’s do something great and fun and serious and magical and bigger […]

    / Apr 25, 2011 at 10:27 AM
  • News

    Expert: Raj Rajaratnam Might Consider Spending Some Of The Money Earmarked For Legal Bills On A Personal Stylist

    If you’ve been keeping up with the Raj Rajaratnam insider trading trial, you may have come to the conclusion that things have not been going so hot for the Galleon founder. Though he is of course innocent until proven guilty, so far jurors have heard that Raj’s brother felt the need to destroy his big […]

    / Apr 13, 2011 at 5:27 PM

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