• 17 Dec 2014 at 12:49 PM

Sage Kelly Bids Jefferies Adieu

sage kellyAfter taking a timeout earlier this year to deal with matters related to coke, shrooms, Molly, wife-swapping, toilets, ketamine, more coke, and, in a twist, being named father of the year, Sage Kelly has decided to make this thing permeant. Read more »

The city’s potty-parity rule for offices is getting flushed down the toilet at Nomura’s new headquarters at Worldwide Plaza. The building owner, a group led by George Comfort & Sons, is seeking permission to install far fewer toilets for women on the Japanese financial giant’s lower levels — presumably the male-dominated trading floors. The owners of the 59-story West Side tower want the “water closets and lavatories” on these floors to be divvied up 75/25 because for “certain financial-services operations” the population is historically comprised of 75 percent men and 25 percent women, according to a document filed with the city. All bathroom humor aside, the city’s plumbing code requires that the number of toilets for women be equal to the number of toilets and urinals in men’s restrooms. The owners are getting around the rule by using historical data to show that potty parity doesn’t make sense…Robert Brubaker, program manager for the American Restroom Association, said normally the arguments for restroom inequity involve obvious places such as dorms and prisons. “This is the first time we’ve heard it from a business,” he said. “They could get into a thing where they say they can’t hire more women because they don’t have enough toilets. [NYP]

They say that’s the only way Dykstra* will learn that in our society, you can’t rip toilets and other bathroom fixtures out of the floors of foreclosed houses and sell them to a pawn shops, or bounce checks to hookers, or drop trou for the cleaning staff just because you feel like it. Read more »

FYI, in addition to hating these newfangled automatic flushers, the PIMCO founder will cut a bitch for speaking and/or audibly breathing on the floor. Read more »

Whether or not you wanted to know, the PIMCO founder has chosen to devote the first half (that’s 512 words) of August’s Outlook to the matter. Specifically, the indignity of the automatic flush. In related news, perhaps this would be a good time for PIMCO investors to start considering finding another person to manage their bond investments? Take it away, Bill:

I write this month to condemn the inventor of the electronic “seeing eye” toilet. Yes, that’s right, I’m talking toilets here, doo-doo-stuff, some of which I hopefully won’t step in myself over the next few paragraphs. I know there must be more substantive and less objectionable topics to bring before you, but I have a sense that many of you joint me in spirit if not common experience and so I devote this month’s Outlook to another trivial snippet emphasizing our joint humanity and sense of loss due to the recent disappearance of the hand flusher.

I don’t know where it is located exactly, but there’s an electronic eye in the plumbing of public toilets these days that can sense when you get up and down (or is it down and up) and are finally finished with your “business,” if you get my drift. My doctor says a proctology exam is a necessary evil but cameras in toilets? Never having seen myself from this particular angle, it is particularly embarrassing to turn over the assignment to camera and in effect say, “Snap away– see anything that doesn’t look right?” I figure if there’s an eye in there, then there could also be a little voice that says, “Have a seat,” which of course I do, usually with much haste and a sense that I’d better get on with it before I attract a crowd.

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  • 29 Jun 2010 at 1:39 PM

Crisis At Morgan Stanley: No Good Snacks All Morning

From: Morgan Stanley
Sent: Tuesday, June 29, 2010 11:11 AM
To: Employees
Subject: Crisis Management Update – Low Water Pressure in Westchester Office

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  • 27 May 2010 at 2:40 PM

Latest Instance Of BS At RBS

Last week, RBS’s Stamford trading floor lost power for about ten minutes. Many wondered what was going on, and with no official word from the bank, imaginations ran wild. Had someone kicked over some crucial cords? Was RBS going out of business? As is our wont, we printed a rumor from the inside about what had happened, a rumor which, in fact, turned out to be true. Someone had clogged a toilet on 7th floor and it leaked into a communications closet on 6th floor (trading). Before I get into what senior management’s reaction was to that story, let’s take a few moments to backtrack and offer a little color on how we got to this place. Read more »

I mean…

“Trading floor over here lost power temporarily (I think computers and phones only) for about ten minutes. Rumor is someone clogged a toilet on 7th floor and it leaked into some communications closet on 6th floor (trading). They haven’t confirmed but that seems to be the persistent belief.”

If only CNBC were broadcasting from there live today, Steve Liesman could confirm! (And maybe lend a hand. I don’t know why, but SL seems like a guy who travels with his own plunger.)