Too Big To Fail

We couldn’t help notice that some clueless shareholder had the audacity to ask John Mack at the Morgan Stanley annual meeting whether he really told Tim Geithner to go fuck himself in the midst of the financial crisis. Mack has admitted several times that Andrew Ross Sorkin’s account of him in the book “Too Big To Fail” was accurate. Mack’s actual words, according to the book, were, “tell him to get fucked,” or something along those lines. Read more »

  • 25 Mar 2010 at 5:15 PM

Casting The Crisis

As previously mentioned, HBO has purchased the rights to Andrew Ross Sorkin’s Too Big To Fail. John Mack has stated that his part should go to Bobby DeNiro and that of Lloyd Blankfein to Danny DeVito. Today the HuffPo has offered its picks for the other spots and while we’re in strong agreement with some (Stephen Colbert as carpet-lover John Thain, Lucille Bluth doing Nancy Pelosi), in others we beg to differ (there should be an open casting call for child actors to play Tim Geithner). Also, they don’t have any suggestions for Vikram Pandit or Jimmy Cayne. The former is a toughie, the latter Gary Busey, no questions asked (he’s got the blonde hair, huge teeth, love of drugs and looks good in a pair of Zubaz). And finally, no one’s figured out where we can find a place for Drew Carey, who’s apparently been lobbying hard for a role, as has Gary Coleman. Let’s do the producers a solid and take two today to finish this thing off right. You’re not doing anything anyway (except for watching this.)

As previously mentioned two seconds ago, HBO has bought the rights to Andrew Ross Sorkin’s Too Big To Fail. Last night at a talk hosted by Stern, John Mack mentioned the flick, and asked Paulson who he thought should play him. Paulson said “a young Paul Newman,” which, actually, would’ve be perfect if the movie took place forty years ago.
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Also, in case it wasn’t clear to the cheapskates in the group, you still have to buy the book. ARS does not give it away for free.

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Hint: it’s the blush and lipstick. Then Jon Stewart refers to him as ‘Aaron Sorkin.’ Awkward! ARS also tells Stewart that banks need to have the crack pipe pried from their dead lifeless fingers.

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Screen shot 2009-10-21 at 11.13.18 AM.pngI told her that it was intended to be a compliment à la you’re the Money Honey but powerful and in leather and carrying a whip but I don’t think it helped much. MDubs did concede, however, that “it could be worse” and that her mother “loves” the moniker which really? Is all we’re after here: the mom endorsement. Unfortunately Vikram Pandit was not present at the party last night for Andrew Ross Sorkin’s new book, Too Big To Fail, as a demo on the spreader and truss bar would’ve been nice but maybe next time. John Mack was there, though not offering himself up for an impromptu primer. JM held court in the back room for most of the evening, where he told us that contrary to popular belief he is “not retiring” but merely shedding the CEO title. Being Chairman of Morgan Stanley is a full-time job, and he will be in the office everyday come January, for those of you thinking he’d be taking it easy in North Carolina. No Lloyd Blankfein, which stung, but his loss, right? We don’t need that guy and his blood sucking ways. Jamie Dimon did his part repping for the “hot piece of ass” CEO contingent and fresh off an afternoon set at the Laugh Factory was Bill Ackman, on a roll with the prison warden jokes. Also working the room:

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  • 21 Nov 2008 at 4:33 PM

We Found An Abnormal Growth

Sometimes (just sometimes) we cannot help but watch Andrew Ross Sorkin videos. This particular round, while watching the ARSE’s Charlie Rose interview with automotive industry shill David Cole, something occurred to us: the United States has become the world’s leading authority on creating inoperable, metastasized industrial tumors. Not only this, but the creation of, maintenance of and discussion surrounding these tumors has become so integrated in the economic fabric and incentives system of the United States, that it doesn’t even occur to participants that their behavior is part of a highly developed, multi-generationally optimized, metastasized tumor growth system.
Paul Kedrosky’s Infectious Greed is the first place we saw the “too metastasized to fail” concept spelled out. It was inevitable, we suppose, that it would rear its ugly head in spades during this ARSE’s video (focused as it is on the automotive industry). But it was not Sorkin this time, but rather listening to the absolutely and utterly myopic class of denial that David Cole continued to dribble out all over himself whenever Sorkin would let him get a word in, that really drove it home: The United States is geared to reward massive, horizontally integrated firms with extensive and varied moral hazard properties and, moreover, this has become so automatic that these market participants, the David Coles of the world, don’t even realize they are trained this way. Automotive is just the industry up in the rotation at present, but airlines, investment banking and insurance all fit the bill nicely.
The formula is easy once you learn it. You build an entity with large money, employment or political influence multiples, leverage it as heavily as possible, be that with unfunded, pyramid contribution structured pension plans, long term and excessive labor rate contracts, pure leverage, or ballooning health care liabilities, and make sure it touches as many middle class hub points as possible. (This is the metastasized aspect). “Too big to fail” was no longer a viable option once billions of dollars of private equity and hedge fund money in conjunction with cash-rich investment banks could buy up LTCM or Amaranth without much of a hiccup. To enjoy the protections of that kind of systemic failure risk you have to aim your losses at the heart(land) of America now. Homes. Cars. Retirement accounts. Insurance. Annuities.
Listening to the bejowled heads of the big three recite over and over again the multiplier effect they had on jobs from parts manufacturers to car washes made it clear. That is the business they are in. Siphoning cash to their constituents by daring anyone to let them implode. No one even pretends the cars are worth anything at all anymore. It is the jobs, the tax revenue, the health care and the community infrastructure that are the central issue here. They are professional industrial oncologists, not CEOs. They sagely scare the wits out of you so you will sign the consent form and start radiation and chemo (and pay them handsomely for the privilege to do so). Until we sit through a few chemo serious sessions and spend several weeks puking our guts out, we are doomed to find tumor after tumor after tumor one at a time, and pouring a lot of money into the bank accounts of industrial oncologists.
(Oh, as an aside: Hey, airlines, you better get your act together. So far as we know there is no “American Dream Of Coach Class Travel.”)
Video: Sorkin on Rescuing the Automakers [Dealbook]