What’s this joyous news you hear? I’ll tell you what– Lenny Dykstra’s house is back on the market! It’s the same one– Wayne Gretzky’s old place– that Nails tried to sell back in June 2008 for $24,950,000, hoping for a 33% return (LD bought the Thousand Oaks manse for $18.5 million on in August 2007), only this time, it comes with so much more. Like dog feces. Piss on the walls. Empty beer bottles. Trash. Other “unmentionables.”
Twizzlers
Over the last year or so, homeless Twizzlers spokesman Lenny Dykstra has found out who his true friends are. Who he can count on and who he can’t. In the latter category, you can put basically everyone in his life, including but in no way limited to his ex-wife, Terri, JPMorgan née Washington Mutual, who Nails says is “responsible for me losing $38 million” due to predatory lending, and Jim Cramer, who put a curse on LD’s head by calling him “one of the greats,” fired him from his gig at the TheStreet.com, and then didn’t so much as make L-Dyks a low-ball pity offer on the toilet and other bathroom fixtures (including a gold-plated swan stripped off the tub) he ripped out of his house the day he was thrown out. So it was nice to hear that there’s still one person LD can still count on to offer a shoulder to cry on and a twenty to cover a couple hours with a no frills hooker who gets the job done.
For more than 20 years, Dykstra, 46, lived huge as a self-described “robes-and-room-service kind of guy” who gained notoriety in recent years as a stock guru who wrote an investment column for TheStreet.com. In an April 2009 article in GQ magazine, photo editor Kevin Coughlin described how he met Dykstra in his $2,500-a-night suite at the Carlyle hotel in New York while interviewing for a position on The Players Club, Dykstra’s now-defunct luxury magazine for professional athletes.
I bet a lot of you probably thought that Lenny Dykstra wouldn’t be happy with the fact that he’s several pounds, concussions and meth binges removed from his fighting weight, and that anyone who’s ever done business with the guy is now claiming he owes them big money. Well think again, derelicts! Nails, pictured here chewing on his favorite combo of dip and Twizzlers, absolutely loves it. He knows every single claim is unfounded bull, filed by crooks (WaMu especially, and by extension, Jamie Dimon). Here are some thoughts LD shared on the matter this weekend. On a personal note, now, more than ever, our offer of a columnist gig for the wordsmith, who seems to have only gotten more poetic with each blow to the skull, stands:
“F—— derelicts,” Dykstra snaps about his growing list of hostile ex-business partners. “Where’s a real respected businessman in our society who’s suing me? We don’t see one, do we?” Of his creditors, Dykstra says, “Look at these clowns…I love it, baby…Pile it on, bro.”
As for countersuits, which will be filed just as soon as L to the D and his lawyer figure out how fill out the forms, Nails warns: “It’s gonna be a big old … right hook, and it’s gonna take a lot of people down.” On a related note, Kevin Coughlin, a former executive at Dykstra’s magazine, “The Players Club,” has diagnosed LD as exhibiting signs of “a classic psychopath,” which Coughlin, showing no appreciation for the fact that this condition allows the big man to call out a fucking derelict clown when he sees one, seems to imply is a bad thing.
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By Bess LevinIT GETS BETTER.
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