One kind of obvious thing about financial markets is that you can’t just call everyone into a room and tell them, “look, guys, just be honest about the price that you would pay / receive for Thing X.” This is because financial industry traders are degenerate lying scumbags. No, wait, that’s not right. This is because if everyone just told each other their reserve prices then it would be really hard for them to make any money trading and so we, like, wouldn’t have a financial system. So you have things like anonymous execution on stock exchanges and dark pools and, um, lying scumbag traders. And that allows you to have profitable trading.
Of course you have to put some limits on the lying scumbaggery: you can’t tell people you’re investing their money while really blowing it on hookers, and I guess now you can’t sell someone synthetic CDOs without telling them who was on the other side. But a little fudging around the edges about the price you’re willing to pay or receive – or the price you could pay or receive elsewhere – is kind of at the heart of what trading is.
So in a sense the amazing thing about the Libor scandal is that people are amazed by it. A quick recap: Continue reading »
Admittedly it’s just a theory but hear us out– based on the following bonus numbers communicated to managing directors this morning in Stamford, is it possible the Swiss’s long-term revenue generating plan is to get someone to burn the place down so they can collect the insurance money and then work out of Howard Johnson’s? Continue reading »
Earlier today, as in a few minutes ago, we learned that UBS announced it would claw back 2010 bonuses for senior-ranking employees in the investment bank. This may have put a damper on some people’s commute home but in happier news? Those individuals will be getting paid for last year’s work (albeit at a slightly reduced rate) and the only strings attached are that they can never leave UBS. Continue reading »
UBS investment bankers yesterday learned that their bonus pool would be down by 60%, and that anyone inclined to grumble to division head Carsten Kengeter should be aware that (1) he would have none of it and (2) he himself was taking a bonus of zero, so see point (1). Rank-and-file bankers were perhaps a mite peeved, but they learned today that they have nothing to complain about compared to their formerly better-compensated elders, for whom “down 60%” or “zero bonus” would be an absolute joy when the reality is more like this: Continue reading »
Something you might have picked up on recently is that while UBS may possess many strengths, investment banking is not one of them. The unit’s “continued losses” were to blame for net profit falling 76% in the fourth quarter, there was the matter of their little rogue trader, and not even the higher-ups in Zurich believe in the group anymore, announcing that they’d be “scaling back on investment-banking” considerably. So it probably shouldn’t come as much of a shock that, as predicted, bonuses will be down at least 60 percent from last year, though presumably there will still be some anger and acting out to deal with from those whose compensation will take a hit. But should anyone even so much as entertain the thought of coming at i-bank chief Carsten Kengeter with their own personal shit and claims/threats they have a right mind to take that offer from RBS, know this: Continue reading »
Remember when UBS management announced they’d internally come to the conclusion they aren’t so great at investment banking and would thus be scaling back their manpower in said area? Apparently they’ve finally gotten around to doing so. Continue reading »
