UBS

It’s no surprise that more Liborneriness is coming to a bank near you; with Barclays and UBS already pretty much having admitted wide-ranging Libor manipulation and Deutsche Bank seeming to be next up for a roasting. Maybe some people will go to jail, and certainly some more banks will pay fines, but also certainly those fines will be very very very small compared to the potential lawsuits. Because there are eight hundred quazillion dollars of Libor-referencing contracts, and if you screwed them up then in some loose theoretical way you owe money to everyone who got screwed without having any offsetting claims against anyone who benefited.

Now the US legal system being what it is the lawsuits long preceded the evidence of manipulation and there’s a big mishegas of a Libor lawsuit that’s been going on for years in New York. This suit looks a little quaint now, being based on the theory that all the banks got together in a room, smoked cigars, rubbed their hands together, and agreed to lower Libor for some unspecified nefarious purpose. Now we know that they all worked against each other to lower and/or raise Libor for a variety of clearly specified nefarious purposes,* until the crisis hit and they all started working independently to lower Libor for clearly specified and maybe public-spirited purposes. And the banks will tell you that themselves, in their motion in the case filed last week:

Plaintiffs themselves cite as the primary motive for the alleged false reports a desire by Defendants to hide their supposed financial weakness from each other and the public, which would naturally call for circumspection by such banks, not discussion and agreement among them.

See? We would never work together to manipulate Libor – we’re too sneaky for that. We’d prefer to lie to each other, too. Read more »

And if so, do want to wear one that says “I love UBS and I don’t care who knows it” but unfortunately do not work for the bank and therefore were not given a timepiece that says just that? Do not despair. Read more »

Apparently we spoke too soon when reporting UBS had presented every employee with a “specially commissioned watch” to commemorate the 150th anniversary of the bank’s birth, as the gift was actually just one piece of a gift basket that also included fine china (which one recipient described as being of “pretty decent quality”). Read more »

Happy Birthday, UBS!

For those who shamefully forgot, today is the anniversary of the Swiss bank’s birth and a big one at that: 150 years. To mark the occasion, every single employee received a “specially commissioned Swatch watch.” According to a UBS spokesperson, the watches represent the company’s “gratitude for their dedication and hard work in recent years.”

  • 25 Jun 2012 at 11:44 AM

Layoffs Watch ’12: Asia

The bad news is that Goldman Sachs, Deutsche Bank, UBS, and others have been making cuts and are expected to continue to do so. The good news is that not everybody is upset about it. Read more »

The following is a (not at all comprehensive) list of things that UBS could legitimately be embarrassed about:

- Losing so much money that a rogue trader’s $2billion loss barely registered above ‘meh’ on the Do We Care scale
- Awarding 4-figure bonuses to managing directors
- Employing a guy who “implored bankers to make a more concerted effort to streamline the firm and likened the strategy to slashing expenses like a ‘Jewish shopkeeper’
- This
- Having the entire healthcare team decide Jeffereies is a better place to work
- Being scammed by a bunch of ops guys
- Pulling a reverse Field of Dreams and spending all the money it didn’t have to build a 103,000-square-foot trading floor, in a 700,000-square-foot building, that no one wants to work on or in
- Getting no respect from the people of Stamford, who’d prefer “a nice big Costco” move into the space
- Having to distribute a step-by-step guide re: how to tie a tie

And yet, rather than worry the suggestion its employees have been wearing clip-ons reflects poorly on the institution or taking the time to send out a memo that reads “Subject: Hey, Body: Stop losing so much fucking money!”, the bank’s execs are devoting their energy to this:  Read more »

The Swiss National Bank is not particularly thrilled with the state of the Swiss Not-Quite-National Banks and wants them to do something about it:

The SNB is therefore of the view that both big banks should further expand their loss-absorbing capital. For UBS, this implies a continuation of its capital strengthening process; and for Credit Suisse, an acceleration of the process, with a marked increase during the current year. … For Credit Suisse, given the low starting point and the risks in the environment, it is essential that it already substantially expand its loss-absorbing capital base during the current year. Apart from the planned reduction of risk, these improvements can also be achieved in other ways, such as by suspending dividend payments, or even by raising capital on the market through share issuance.

This was unwelcome news, and the banks’ loss-absorbing capital absorbed some losses, with CS down 9.4% today. This may have come as some surprise to the SNB, which thought that its suggestions were actually shareholder-friendly, saying that it “is also in the banks’ own interest to strengthen their resilience, as a sound capital base constitutes a competitive advantage in the core business of wealth management.” JPMorgan’s Kian Abouhossein agrees, arguing in a report today that CS will improve capital by shrinking assets, mainly in the investment bank, and that: Read more »

  • 08 Jun 2012 at 6:14 PM

Kweku Adoboli Is A Free Man!

Kind of! Though he doesn’t go to trial until September, the UBS’s rogue trader was granted bail after ten months in jail and a February denial to go home. Naturally, he’s pretty pleased about the turn of events (which allows for sleepovers). Read more »

UBS is sitting on losses that could be as high as $350 million stemming from its investment in the Facebook initial public offering, and is preparing legal action against Nasdaq as a result, people familar with the matter told CNBC … These people said UBS wanted 1 million shares, but when it did not receive confirmations, it repeated the order multiple times and was left with much more than it intended … “Consistent with our policy on market comments on our positions or intra-quarter performance, we are not disclosing the amount of the loss, which is not material to UBS,” UBS said in a written statement. [CNBC, Related: UBS Doesn't Get Out Of Bed For Less Than $50 Billion In Losses]

  • 07 Jun 2012 at 6:34 PM

Layoffs Watch ’12: UBS

The firings continue, and the timing is impeccable. Read more »

  • 23 May 2012 at 6:49 PM

Layoffs Watch ’12: UBS

Cuts are said to have gone down at the Swiss bank today. Read more »