Vikram Pandit

  • News

    Citigroup Wanted To Give Vikram Pandit A Bonus This Year

    Not because the bank was finally able to turn a profit– obviously it didn’t– but because it made remarkable strides to suck less than it did the year prior (witness a mere $1.6 billion loss for 2009 versus $27.7 billion), all thanks to Uncle Vikula. Unfortunately our Pandito is a man of his word, and […]

    / Mar 1, 2010 at 4:58 PM
  • News

    Vikram Is Watching You

    Team Citi can’t keep track of its own money, but they will track yours and that of your neighbor, thanks to the Bundle, which “removes the veil of secrecy from how other people save and spend their money.” For example, you can learn that “Singles, 36- to 49-year-olds in Dallas spend $57 per month on […]

    / Feb 26, 2010 at 3:13 PM
  • News

    Undercover Brother: Will Vikram Take Up The Challenge?

    On the popularity Undercover Boss, wherein CEO’s of various companies “slip into the ranks” of their company alongside entry level employees to get a little taste of how the other half of their firm lives, Vikram Pandit has been nominated to appear on an episode of the show. Obviously, seeing Pandito pose as a first […]

    / Feb 16, 2010 at 12:02 PM
  • News

    Citi, Community Organizer, Love Giver, Neighborhood Rescuer, Therapist

    Ok people, time to stop bitching about Citi and its desire to conquer (destroy) the world with its uber-derivatives. Those people have souls. They just launched a pilot initiative that will allow people to remain in their foreclosed homes for six months in six states and they would like the Blankfeins and Dimons of the […]

    / Feb 12, 2010 at 1:55 PM
  • News

    Citi Pays Just As Well As Any Other Bank On The Street, Claims CFO

    Last week, Goldman Sachs management told an analyst that despite a lower than normal compensation ratio of 36% for 2009, they weren’t sweating people leaving the mothership because relative to everyone other bank on the Street, they’re still making it rain ka-ching! on people’s faces. Slightly arrogant, sure, but not necessarily untrue. Can this same […]

    / Feb 11, 2010 at 1:00 PM
  • News

    Citi Not Sweating Downgrade

    S&P revised its outlook on Citi to negative from stable today, but we’re told that no one is losing sleep over it at the bank and this is pretty much a non-event. They all can go back to their blog writing and uber-derivatives-creating safely. S&P’s rationale is that if Financial Armageddon 2.0 were to come, […]

    / Feb 9, 2010 at 12:41 PM
  • News

    Citi’s Big Idea

    The guys at Citi are smarter than anyone else on the Street, which is why they are about to launch the first derivatives EVER that will pay out in the event of a financial crisis. As Chris Whalen, at Institutional Risk Analytics, told us about the news: “It’s cute. Though a bit ironic coming from […]

    / Feb 8, 2010 at 3:30 PM
  • News

    Citi Is Dead Serious About Making This Thing Work

    Listen to me. No, really listen. A lot of banks and CEOs talk about change. They swear things are going to be different this time, they promise thing are going to be better and they all say they mean it. But you and I know they’re all blowing smoke up our asses. You know how […]

    / Feb 3, 2010 at 12:30 PM
  • News

    Vikram Pandit Loves Himself Some Collard Greens

    I don’t think I have to tell any of you that working at Citi, particularly over the last year or so and especially if one is the CEO, can be kind of a bitch. Obviously Uncle Vik knows what we’re talking about. Still, those closest to him know a few never fail tricks for getting […]

    / Jan 25, 2010 at 12:28 PM
  • News

    Bonus Watch ’10: Citi

    Had dinner with a few Citi friends (VP’s and associates) this weekend and the story is as follows. Apparently Citi will tell the public they paid a significant portion of the compensation in stock (~20-30% in cash and the rest stock) and not cash. The reality is that 70-80% of it will be in cash […]

    / Jan 25, 2010 at 10:45 AM
  • News

    Prince Alwaleed Thought Avatar Sucked

    Prince Alwaleed was on Charlie Rose last night to discuss a whole mess of topics. Obviously he had to get the pink pony out of the way first which was that yes, he’s spoken to Vikram and made it clear that the honeymoon is over and Vickle’s has gotta make 2010 the year he moves […]

    / Jan 22, 2010 at 2:26 PM
  • News

    Dick Bove and Vikram Will Ride Into the Sunset

    Dick Bove’s weird love story with Citi is one that is complicated and needs a lot of nurturing. Although it will never reach the highs of the one he had with BofA (Ken Lewis was a “visionary and tactician” who “was torn from his post by politicians lacking any of Mr. Lewis’ skills and successes.”) […]

    / Jan 20, 2010 at 11:48 AM
  • News

    Citi Seems To Care More About Haiti Than Other Banks, God’s Included

    Jessica Pressler’s analysis reveals that God’s “work” has less to do with helping victims of a horrific natural disaster than front-running clients (completely kidding Blanksie…completely kidding I’m serious but it doesn’t change how I feel about you). And sort of surprisingly,* Wall Street’s biggest welfare recipient, the Big C, is the one most visibly rolling […]

    / Jan 15, 2010 at 2:03 PM
  • News

    Prince Alwaleed: “The Honeymoon Is Over, Vikram”

    Watch the latest business video at video.foxbusiness.com As you’re aware, yesterday was Count Vikula’s birthday and while it was supposed to be a super fun day, free of stress and full of cake, things didn’t exactly pan out that way. Prince Alwaleed made it for the occasion, took VP out for a nice dinner and […]

    / Jan 15, 2010 at 10:15 AM
  • News

    Happy Birthday, Vikram Pandit!

    That’s right ladies, on this day, fifty-three years ago, a little Pandito entered the world. Obviously, Uncle Vik’s been gearing up for this thing since New Year’s (Citi spokesmen won’t say anything, but it’s the reason Vickles was conspicuously absent from yesterday’s panel, not wanting anything to upset him during “birthday week”), and in light […]

    / Jan 14, 2010 at 10:45 AM
  • News

    Citi Consumer Banking Chief Out At Vikram’s House Of Laughs

    Terri Dial, Chief Executive Officer of Consumer Banking in North America, and apparently not one of Vikram’s favorite gal-pals, is leaving for “personal reasons.” But that doesn’t mean you and Citi can’t SHINE ON! in her absence From: Terri Dial Date: January 12, 2010 Every journey faces twists and turns. My decision to move to […]

    / Jan 12, 2010 at 3:37 PM
  • News

    Citi IT Guy Wants His Money

    Last June, Citi was supposed to pay five former senior executives millions in severance payouts, but what the bank decided to do, instead, was not make those payment. The ex-employees were owed about $100 million (half of which had been paid out) but not wanting to be compared to AIG which, at the time, was […]

    / Jan 7, 2010 at 11:53 AM
  • News

    “You Always Match The Shirt And Pants To The Horse? No, Really? Yes, Vikram, Always.”

    Shooting the shit at Citi [DealBook] Related: Prince Alwaleed’s Ponies

    / Dec 14, 2009 at 1:48 PM
  • News

    Tim Geithner’s Foot To Be Removed From Vikram Pandit’s Ass Sometime In The Very Near Future?

    Maria Bartiromo says yes! Vickles has apparently postponed his trip to Disney World, so you know this is legit. Citigroup plans to pay back some of the $45 billion in TARP money it received last year by raising capital through a stock offering of as much as $20 billion, CNBC has learned. CEO Vikram Pandit […]

    / Dec 9, 2009 at 4:07 PM
  • News

    Morgan Stanley Vice-Chair No Longer Too Big To Fail

    Morgan Stanley vice-chairman Rob Kindler had the license plate 2BG2FAIL last year in an homage to the crisis. Now, Andrew Ross Sorkin reports, Bobby has swapped it out for the below because “no one is too big to fail,” and because Vikram offered him twenty bucks so the Citi CEO could get in on the […]

    / Dec 9, 2009 at 1:34 PM
  • News

    Snub Of The Century: Pandit Left Waiting For A Call That Never Came

    Vikram’s brave faceVikram Pandit seems like a happy guy, despite having several billion very good reasons to be quite unhappy. But he is not made of stone, President Obama. He feels, deeply. And you have cut him to the core, sir. It seems that the CEO of our favorite wholly-owned subsidiary of the U.S. government […]

    / Nov 25, 2009 at 11:24 AM
  • News

    You Tell Us What He’s Trying To Say

    Count Vikula: “We are the world’s most global bank in a world that becomes more global every day.” Track 2: “I feel good about our strategic clarity and aspirations.”

    / Oct 15, 2009 at 11:09 AM
  • News

    From The People Who Brought You ‘Citi Never Sleeps’

    All, We are inviting you to celebrate this fall season with us by holding an International Fall Potluck Lunch on Wednesday, October 21st from 12:00 to 2:00pm. Our many successes highlighted in the recent Connection newsletter are a source of joint celebration, and we thought it was time we got together again. Please bring & […]

    / Oct 9, 2009 at 9:35 AM
  • News

    Citi’s Solution To The Andrew Hall Problem

    Citi has taken a lot of shit for (potentially) paying commodities trader Andrew “C” Hall a hundred million dollar bonus and you know what? They’re sick of it. Unfortunately there doesn’t seem to be much Vikram and Co can do to stop the relentless rounds of “you suck,” short of selling the whole damn thing. […]

    / Oct 7, 2009 at 11:01 AM
  • News

    Vikram Pandit Let Lloyd Blankfein Down Easy

    Oh, to be Vikram Pandit. Not only are you devastatingly handsome but you’re at the helm of the world’s most successful financial services company in the world to boot. You and your shop are the catch of Wall Street. Everyone– and I do mean everyone– wants a piece of your shit, even (especially) Grade A […]

    / Oct 6, 2009 at 4:28 PM
  • News

    Citi To Raise Fresh Capital?

    By suing the pants off the girls at left? I’d say it’s a distinct possibility. Katie Shea and Susie Levitt, NYU students, who identify themselves as “recessionista entrepeneurs,” have started a line of flat shoes that can be folded into small handbags. The duo got the idea for the company after a summer of hoofing […]

    / Jun 1, 2009 at 2:12 PM
  • News

    Are Lewis And Pandit’s Jobs On The Line?

    You know, more so than they were before this little note? In addition, as part of the 30-day planning process, firms will need to review their existing management and Board in order to assure that the leadership of the firm has sufficient expertise and ability to manage the risks presented by the current economic environment […]

    / May 7, 2009 at 8:48 AM

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