Vikram Pandit

  • News

    Vikram Pandit: We Won’t Need Any More TARP, We’re Slimming Down And Moving On Up In The World

    You can all stuff it! He’s not taking shit from any of you. Next question!

    / Mar 4, 2010 at 11:58 AM
  • News

    Meanwhile, At Citi…

    Vikram’s sale on chotchkies continues apace. Earlier: Come On Down To Vikram’s House Of Jewels!

    / Mar 3, 2010 at 3:02 PM
  • News

    Citigroup Wanted To Give Vikram Pandit A Bonus This Year

    Not because the bank was finally able to turn a profit– obviously it didn’t– but because it made remarkable strides to suck less than it did the year prior (witness a mere $1.6 billion loss for 2009 versus $27.7 billion), all thanks to Uncle Vikula. Unfortunately our Pandito is a man of his word, and […]

    / Mar 1, 2010 at 4:58 PM
  • News

    Vikram Is Watching You

    Team Citi can’t keep track of its own money, but they will track yours and that of your neighbor, thanks to the Bundle, which “removes the veil of secrecy from how other people save and spend their money.” For example, you can learn that “Singles, 36- to 49-year-olds in Dallas spend $57 per month on […]

    / Feb 26, 2010 at 3:13 PM
  • News

    Undercover Brother: Will Vikram Take Up The Challenge?

    On the popularity Undercover Boss, wherein CEO’s of various companies “slip into the ranks” of their company alongside entry level employees to get a little taste of how the other half of their firm lives, Vikram Pandit has been nominated to appear on an episode of the show. Obviously, seeing Pandito pose as a first […]

    / Feb 16, 2010 at 12:02 PM
  • News

    Citi, Community Organizer, Love Giver, Neighborhood Rescuer, Therapist

    Ok people, time to stop bitching about Citi and its desire to conquer (destroy) the world with its uber-derivatives. Those people have souls. They just launched a pilot initiative that will allow people to remain in their foreclosed homes for six months in six states and they would like the Blankfeins and Dimons of the […]

    / Feb 12, 2010 at 1:55 PM
  • News

    Citi Pays Just As Well As Any Other Bank On The Street, Claims CFO

    Last week, Goldman Sachs management told an analyst that despite a lower than normal compensation ratio of 36% for 2009, they weren’t sweating people leaving the mothership because relative to everyone other bank on the Street, they’re still making it rain ka-ching! on people’s faces. Slightly arrogant, sure, but not necessarily untrue. Can this same […]

    / Feb 11, 2010 at 1:00 PM
  • News

    Citi Not Sweating Downgrade

    S&P revised its outlook on Citi to negative from stable today, but we’re told that no one is losing sleep over it at the bank and this is pretty much a non-event. They all can go back to their blog writing and uber-derivatives-creating safely. S&P’s rationale is that if Financial Armageddon 2.0 were to come, […]

    / Feb 9, 2010 at 12:41 PM
  • News

    Citi’s Big Idea

    The guys at Citi are smarter than anyone else on the Street, which is why they are about to launch the first derivatives EVER that will pay out in the event of a financial crisis. As Chris Whalen, at Institutional Risk Analytics, told us about the news: “It’s cute. Though a bit ironic coming from […]

    / Feb 8, 2010 at 3:30 PM
  • News

    Citi Is Dead Serious About Making This Thing Work

    Listen to me. No, really listen. A lot of banks and CEOs talk about change. They swear things are going to be different this time, they promise thing are going to be better and they all say they mean it. But you and I know they’re all blowing smoke up our asses. You know how […]

    / Feb 3, 2010 at 12:30 PM
  • News

    Vikram Pandit Loves Himself Some Collard Greens

    I don’t think I have to tell any of you that working at Citi, particularly over the last year or so and especially if one is the CEO, can be kind of a bitch. Obviously Uncle Vik knows what we’re talking about. Still, those closest to him know a few never fail tricks for getting […]

    / Jan 25, 2010 at 12:28 PM
  • News

    Bonus Watch ’10: Citi

    Had dinner with a few Citi friends (VP’s and associates) this weekend and the story is as follows. Apparently Citi will tell the public they paid a significant portion of the compensation in stock (~20-30% in cash and the rest stock) and not cash. The reality is that 70-80% of it will be in cash […]

    / Jan 25, 2010 at 10:45 AM
  • News

    Prince Alwaleed Thought Avatar Sucked

    Prince Alwaleed was on Charlie Rose last night to discuss a whole mess of topics. Obviously he had to get the pink pony out of the way first which was that yes, he’s spoken to Vikram and made it clear that the honeymoon is over and Vickle’s has gotta make 2010 the year he moves […]

    / Jan 22, 2010 at 2:26 PM
  • News

    Dick Bove and Vikram Will Ride Into the Sunset

    Dick Bove’s weird love story with Citi is one that is complicated and needs a lot of nurturing. Although it will never reach the highs of the one he had with BofA (Ken Lewis was a “visionary and tactician” who “was torn from his post by politicians lacking any of Mr. Lewis’ skills and successes.”) […]

    / Jan 20, 2010 at 11:48 AM
  • News

    Citi Seems To Care More About Haiti Than Other Banks, God’s Included

    Jessica Pressler’s analysis reveals that God’s “work” has less to do with helping victims of a horrific natural disaster than front-running clients (completely kidding Blanksie…completely kidding I’m serious but it doesn’t change how I feel about you). And sort of surprisingly,* Wall Street’s biggest welfare recipient, the Big C, is the one most visibly rolling […]

    / Jan 15, 2010 at 2:03 PM
  • News

    Prince Alwaleed: “The Honeymoon Is Over, Vikram”

    Watch the latest business video at As you’re aware, yesterday was Count Vikula’s birthday and while it was supposed to be a super fun day, free of stress and full of cake, things didn’t exactly pan out that way. Prince Alwaleed made it for the occasion, took VP out for a nice dinner and […]

    / Jan 15, 2010 at 10:15 AM
  • News

    Happy Birthday, Vikram Pandit!

    That’s right ladies, on this day, fifty-three years ago, a little Pandito entered the world. Obviously, Uncle Vik’s been gearing up for this thing since New Year’s (Citi spokesmen won’t say anything, but it’s the reason Vickles was conspicuously absent from yesterday’s panel, not wanting anything to upset him during “birthday week”), and in light […]

    / Jan 14, 2010 at 10:45 AM

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