Faster, Vikram wants a pony!
Vikram Pandit
CEO’s No One Gives A Rat’s Ass About Bravely Gave The Finger To 2009′s Compensation Trend
By Bess LevinWells Fargo’s John Stumpf. Travelers Cos’s Jay Fishman. Chubb Corp’s John Finnegan. According to the July issue of Bloomberg Markets, all three men “are defying a trend,” by taking home $21.3 million, $20.6 million, and $19.2 million, while many of their fellow CEO’s dialed it down on payday. Why were they able to take such a stand, in the face of populist outrage, Ken Feinberg and the shouts of random passersby that Wall Street S’s major D? Obviously the answer is that nobody gives a crap about these guys. Continue reading »
…where they’re engraving flasks, $10/pop. One of Uncle Vik’s many little ideas for up the joint. Continue reading »
You know, just because he’s not as conventionally handsome as Jamie Dimon, or because his slated commencement address didn’t incite as much controversy, or because he didn’t change the life of one university student by whispering sweet nothings in her ear doesn’t mean that Vikram Pandit’s graduation speech at Columbia yesterday wasn’t just as noteworthy as the JPMorgan CEO’s little Syracuse chit-chat on Sunday. It’s because none of the kids he was speaking to took their clothes off during his talk that no one cares. But whatever, you know? No sweat off Uncle Vik’s sack. You snooze you lose, and miss out on the CEO of the Century’s* pearls of wisdom (the delivery of which he purposely scheduled on a random Monday to prove a point that he doesn’t open for Mr. Dimon, who spoke Sunday, and so that everyone would’ve gotten JD out of their system and could give Vickles the attention he deserved but noooooooooo). Continue reading »
“Today at Vikram’s Bizarre & Chotchke Emporium (aka the cafeteria): Tube socks & beach towels are for sale. FML.”
A couple weeks ago, when the Schnitzel & Things food truck, purveyor of “thin, deep-fried cutlets,” was forced by the cops to leave its regular corner on 54th and Lex, the owners were pretty surprised. Particularly when they were told the alleged reason, which was that there’d been a complaint from inside the building, where Citi has offices, and that if they didn’t hit the bricks, they’d be cited as a “terrorist threat.”
“I was stunned,” said Gene Voss. “I asked the police officer, ‘Let me get this straight, this building is complaining that I might be a terrorist threat?’ I mean, I’m just selling schnitzel.”
Have you often wondered to yourself, does Citi’s favorite investor max and relax (indoor) poolside after a long day of riding Vikram’s ass like Zorro? Does said indoor pool have a jungle theme going on around it that includes life size ceramic elephants, antelopes and giraffes? Would the Prince’s style be best described as late eighties chic? Yes, yeah and hell fuck yeah. Continue reading »
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