“Ex-Bloomberg employees (this Alphaville contributor included) have been aware of the power of UUID for a long time. It’s only one of the, erm, “informational advantages” that comes from working at Bloomberg. Another prominent one being the internal database reporters are required to contribute to on a regular basis. That database includes personal contact details of their sources – readily accessible to other Bloomberg employees – as well as personal details such as the names of their children, favourite foods and hobbies.” [FT Alphaville, earlier]
was that wrong
Bloomberg Employees Know, Openly Talk About Your Beloved Long-Haired Pekingese, Insatiable Appetite For Applebees’ Triple Chocolate MeltdownBy Bess Levin
Last February, an unnamed Securities and Exchange Commission worker got in a bit of trouble with his employer for checking out a little porn while on the job. The guy made at least 1,800 logged attempts to check out some sites that included www.ladyboyx.com, www.ladyboyjuice.com, www.trannytit.com, and www.anal-sins.com, which, he admitted, “were kind of distraction per se.” But he had a good reason which is that he had a lot of work to do, and it was stressing him out.
Now it seems that the tranny tits were in fact not just “kind of” a distraction, “per se,” but a “huge ass” distraction. In SEC Inspector General David Kotz’s latest semi-annual report, released Monday, it is disclosed that the watchdog is close to wrapping up an investigation into whether or not “a senior-level official” directed staff not to go after red flags in an investment adviser case in order to cover his own hide, which had previously investigated the firm and failed to uncover the fraud, possibly as a result of spending too much time surfing for lady boy juice at work. Read more »
So, the London police recently decided they’ve had it with brothels and have started to crack down on the pay-to-lay establishments. Perhaps you heard about their last raid– codename “Operation Monaco”– through the grapevine or because it was your colleague laying there with a ball gag in his mouth while a terrifying woman with a thick Eastern European accent shouted “Administer the testicle clamps!”? Sound familiar? It might if you’re tight with the “35-year-old from Citibank in Canary Wharf” who had been “availing the services of two Polish hookers” when the cops walked in. Read more »
With the money he embezzled from Wachovia ($11.2 million give or take a few clams), Scott Welch bought himself many a sports car. This was a plan, to throw people off the trail. He didn’t buy a new set of wheels “constantly,” as neighbors recall, in an attempt to hide the fact that he was stealing money from the bank, but to distract from what he was really putting the funds toward. A love that dare not speak its name. A love of plants, and impeccably maintained yards. Read more »
Ex-Merrill Broker Who Ripped Off $780,000 From Bank Pleads Guilty, Frauds Everywhere Weep For Loss Merrill’s Mensa MembersBy Bess Levin
Steve Mandala is the guy who took Merrill Lynch for $780,000, and with some of the cash, bought himself a red 2006 Ferrari F430 Spider. Prior to joining the bank, he was a broker at Maxim Group who earned about $100,000 annually. He sensed that there was some money to help himself to at Mother Merrill but didn’t think he’d be able to land the gig. So, he lied and told them he was a partner at Maxim, where he managed $300 million in assets and took home $765,000 a year. This probably would not have worked at some other firm, but Merrill was a special, special bank.
“Somehow you got them to hire you because you told them you had big-time clients?” acting state Supreme Court Justice Carol Berkman said to Mandala in court, referring to Merrill Lynch.
I don’t think I have to tell you that the SEC has been stepping up its game like crazy these last few months. They had a stern talking to with one of their employees about cutting back on his tranny porn surfing time on the job, they busted that “psychic” money manager , and now they’ve reaffirmed their commitment to protecting the capital markets by barring a trader from the industry for accepting car service from a broker he traded with without disclosing the conflict of interest. That’s “bribery” and it ain’t happening on Mary Schapiro’s watch.
They also nailed his buddy to the wall for accepting rent and travel costs for himself, his relatives, and his pet. Read more »
Yesterday we mentioned that thespian, Level III CFA candidate and noted stock picker Shia LaBeouf had been talking up InterOil, an oil and natural gas exploration company. “IOC’s momentum is major, and it will surprise to the upside,” LaBeouf said in a text message to the GQ article’s author, Adam Sachs, who wrote about ShiLa’s new hobby (making it rain all from the comfort of his boxers) for the magazine’s April issue. But where did the master trader get the idea? Sure he meets with Goldman Sachs execs on the reg and is thisclose to becoming a CFA but is he really that good? I’d like to give him the benefit of the doubt (he’s going to be running one of the most powerful hedge funds in the world one day so trying to stay on his good side and all that) but others are thinking the budding BSD had some help from his friends at John Thomas Financial (the people who brought you the pride rally and breasts as napkins). Read more »
|The Daily Show With Jon Stewart||Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c|
The problem this time around, according to ML? Was that “most of the dicks were stupid.” Stewart’s two cents: “The entire financial market was a bunch of George Costanazas, telling lies they believed.” (And banging their cleaning ladies on the desk, do not forget that.) Also, note the cat-calling for Einhorny from the audience. Nice to see others finally getting on board.
Reason number one that Steven Mandala not only helped himself to $780,000 from the firm, but lied to get the job in the first place: he’d obviously tasked himself with testing MER’s due diligence and background checks on prospective employees, which he rightly assumed were not up to snuff:
Mandala, who earned about $100,000 annually at Maxim, last year applied for a job at Merrill Lynch, falsely claiming he was a partner at Maxim, that he managed $300 million in client assets and earned $765,000 in compensation against $1.5 million in revenue he generated, the Manhattan DA’s Office said. After Mandala produced fake pay stubs and tax forms to substantiate his bogus claims about his Maxim work, Merrill hired him on April 24, the DA said.
Over the next few months, after Mandala had his new boss loan him the 780 grand as “an incentive,” deposited the money into his parents’ bank account, and withdrew $245,589 to buy a red Ferrari, Mandala “frequently” failed to show up to work and only brought in two or three clients, which was undoubtedly part of his undercover work to see if management was keeping tabs on people. Determining he’d seen enough, SM the “resigned via e-mail” and “asked Merrill Lynch to throw out his personal effects,” so he could focus on other projects, like scamming his woman’s father, which required a bit more attention than taking ML for a ride.
Among [his personal affects] were credit cards obtained in the name of Carlos Gomes — the dad of Mandala’s girlfriend — which the broker had allegedly used to rack up tens of thousands of dollars in debt. Mandala’s lawyer, Franklin Rothman, said Gomes’ ID had been stolen by his daughter, “who had a bone to pick with her own father.”
And here’s what he’s doing about it:
New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo filed antitrust charges against Intel Corp., alleging the company threatened computer makers and paid huge kickbacks to stop them from using competitors’ chips.
The attorney general alleges Santa Clara, Calif.-based Intel violated federal and state antitrust laws, according to a statement released Wednesday. Intel wasn’t immediately available to comment.
The suit alleges that for several years, Intel sought to maintain its dominance of the computer-chip market by paying billions of dollars in kickbacks to computer makers under the guise of “rebates.” The suit also alleges Intel threatened computer-makers–including Hewlett-Packard Co., International Business Machines Corp., and Dell Inc.-with retribution if they marketed products with chips made by competitors.
The full complaint is here.
The Journal has published Hank Paulson’s prepared testimony for tomorrow’s hearing on the Hill. Apparently Bald is going to ramble on for about four pages until he finally gets to the following. Basically, what it comes down to is whether or not my definition of ‘appropriate’ is the same as yours. I think it’s appropriate to waterboard a CEO with his drink of choice, Strawberry Hill, until he agrees to do exactly as we say. If you don’t, I guess you’d characterize what I did as ‘inappropriate,’ which is your prerogative.