was that wrong/should I not have done that/I gotta plead ignorance on this one

  • 21 Mar 2012 at 4:34 PM

Who Said It?

“Each of us does and says things at one point or another in our lives we regret,” [redacted] told TheWrap. “The costume I wore to the fundraiser [in which I appeared in blackface] was one such thing for me.” Read more »

Pop quiz: you’re an insider trader looking to score some fresh intel. You’ve exhausted all of your sources and what’s more, you’re sick of just hitting them up for tips– you want to make obtaining material non-public information fun again. You figure the best way to go about that is to identify a target with obvious vulnerabilities that can be exploited for profit (always a good time). Do you a) go with the Danielle Chiesi move (i.e. requesting info post or, better yet, mid-coitus) b) get ordained as a Catholic priest and press penitents for potential market moving news during confession or c) go for broke: start attending AA meetings, become someone’s sponsor and then, when he/she’s confiding in you that the stress of his/her job at a certain company has been driving him/her to down a bottle of vodka every night, move in for the kill? If you’re Timothy J. McGee, C just feels so right. Read more »

You’re a hedge fund manager running a Ponzi scheme in Los Angeles. You’re pretty into poker and attend bi-weekly games with various actors who, as it unfortunately turns out, aren’t half bad at cards. The buy-in’s $100,000 but you don’t have the cash. What do you do? If you’re Brad Ruderman you use some client funds to cover it, as well as the money you lose to Spiderman and Co. Read more »

Remember Jim Glover AKA G-Love? For those who need refreshing, JG is the guy who we reported almost a year and a half ago had decided to help himself to a bonus after deciding the one awarded to him by management wasn’t good enough. Read more »

Getting out of town for the long weekend? If you’re traveling by plane, perhaps we should take a moment to review a couple of items the FAA is not cool with you stashing in your carry-on. Gulf-clubs. Cattle prods. Regular-sized bottles of shampoo. Gel-type candles. Guns. Yes, guns! It’s pretty wild but they’re still not letting people bring them on planes. If this comes as a shock, don’t feel bad because you’re not alone- it’s a crazy rule one Deutsche banker was unaware of, as well. Read more »

If you’ve been wondering lately whether or not you’d actually go to jail for putting semen- your own or otherwise- into the water bottle of an unsuspecting coworker, but felt weird about asking and didn’t want to arouse suspicion, wonder no longer. Remember Michael Kevin Lallana? Name not ringing a bell? Okay try this: remember the Northwestern Mutual Investment Services employee who last January allegedly somehow got his jizz in a bottle, left it on a colleague’s desk where she drank it, got sick, and threw it out? And then a couple months later, allegedly released more “material” in the same lady’s drink, which she again drank, but this time paused to ask herself, “Am I crazy, or does this water have semen in it,” before sending it off to a lab to verify her suspicions, as well as performing a blind taste test at home using a sample obtained from her fiancee? He pleaded guilty in February and was sentenced last week to time in jail, among other things. Read more »

Apparently “the guy that delivers water bottles to the trading floor” of a certain bank was escorted out of the building in handcuffs today, for “installing cameras in the men’s bathroom.” That’s all we know at this time. If you have any intel on the situation, or suspect you may have been filmed yourself, do get in touch! Read more »

Remember Michael Kevin Lallana? Name not ringing a bell? Okay try this: remember the Northwestern Mutual Investment Services employee who last January allegedly somehow got his jizz in a bottle, left it on a colleague’s desk where she drank it, got sick, and threw it out? And then a couple months later, allegedly released more “material” in the same lady’s drink, which she again drank, but this time paused to ask herself, “Am I crazy, or does this water have semen in it,” before sending it off to a lab to verify her suspicions? He was found guilty yesterday and today, we finally have some clarity on why he did it and how his victim found out.

First off, the discovery of the crime. The first time it happened, MKL’s coworker (identified only as “Tiffany G”) unknowingly took a swig and tasted what she “believed” to be semen but wasn’t sure. “I had a hunch that’s what it was, but I wouldn’t dream in a million years that’s what it was,” she said. The second time she decided to test her theory. After finding what appeared to be yet another bottle of water laced with semen, Tiffany took the evidence in question home and ran an experiment, wherein she “asked her fiancee to put his semen in a separate water bottle to see if that’s what she had tasted at work.” After testing the new sample and comparing it to the other one, she determined it was. Read more »