water

Once upon a time, an Aussie named Robert Bou-Simon worked at London brokerage BGC Partners. In 2005, he left the firm to explore his options elsewhere, and in 2012, rejoined as the head of the basis swaps desk. This time, though, things were different. None of his old buddies were there. There were new names to learn and new faces to remember. Even though he’d worked at BGC for the better half a decade in the early 2000s, people treated him like he was the new guy, and, as the new guy, expected him to take part in a sort of wet t-shirt “initiation” exercise taken very seriously by the staff, who bristled at the idea of someone electing to take a pass, which is where things started to go south for Bou-Simon. Read more »

Remember Andrey Hicks? To recap, he’s the guy who was arrested last year (trying to make a run for Switzerland) and had his assets frozen by the Securities and Exchange Commission, which took issue with the fact that, in addition to stealing a couple million from investors in his Locust Offshore Management fund, he’d fed them a “brazen web of lies” that included: the claim he received a Ph.D in Applied Mathematics from Harvard in two years (he neither earned his doctorate from Harvard nor his undergraduate degree and in fact only lasted three semesters in Cambridge, taking a single math course, in which he got a D-); the claim that while working at Barclays Capital, he increased his group’s assets under management to $16 billion, despite BarCap having no record of his employment; the claim that at Locust, he applied “quantitative strategies based on mathematical models he developed at Harvard”; the claim that Ernst & Young was the fund’s auditor, Credit Suisse its prime broker and custodian, even though the SEC report was the first either had heard of the guy. Anyway, he’s probably going to spend some time in jail. Read more »


[Stephen Foley via Felix Salmon]

Mentioned earlier but now with video, which is essential. Read more »

Shia LaBeouf was escorted out of the LA opening of The Box nightclub by security Friday night after a confrontation with a pal of shock rocker Marilyn Manson [after LaBeouf “picked up a water bottle…and started spitting it all over his tablemates, including Marilyn Manson“]. The “Transformers” star “exchanged terse words with a friend of Manson’s, who lunged over the table at Shia, and Shia lunged back. “Two security guards led Shia out holding his hands behind his head. Outside, he fell onto a barricade. Swearing, he picked himself up and ran off.” Despite numerous witnesses at the party, also attended by Jon Hamm, Lindsay Lohan and Chelsea Handler, Shia’s rep said: “[He] actually left the club early as planned … he went to see one of the bands performing in the showcase and left after they finished … exiting through a crowded room was apparently misinterpreted. No altercation occurred.” [NYP, earlier]

Balance that checkbook or next time it’s gonna be a golden shower. Read more »

As you may have heard, we might be getting a little rain this weekend. Some people are approaching the threat of Irene with an appropriate level of seriousness. Others, like the those who live and work in Connecticut, have not, according to Governor Malloy, who has apparently been telling his people to get their asses in gear, lest he be forced to say “told ya so” JUST LIKE LAST TIME.

Malloy urged residents to take the storm seriously and begin making preparations now. “I hope people are listening better to me than they did about removing snow from their roofs,” he said.

While there are some people who should very much take Malloy seriously, others can listen to him just as much as they did when he told them to remove snow from their roofs. If you happen to work for RBS, for instance, you might want to stay out of the lobby this weekend, seen in the green area below, which a Category 1 Hurricane will flood. Burning the midnight oil at UBS, seen in white just across the road? While it may come as a shock, you’re good! Read more »

It probably wouldn’t be too out of bounds to say that at least a handful of you have considered jerking off in a coworker’s water bottle. Conservatively. As prudent risk managers however, you’ve held off until you could quantify how much non-reward you would be getting with each unit of risk. Finally, and not a moment too soon for some, we got answers. Read more »