Remember Andrey Hicks? To recap, he’s the guy who was arrested last year (trying to make a run for Switzerland) and had his assets frozen by the Securities and Exchange Commission, which took issue with the fact that, in addition to stealing a couple million from investors in his Locust Offshore Management fund, he’d fed them a “brazen web of lies” that included: the claim he received a Ph.D in Applied Mathematics from Harvard in two years (he neither earned his doctorate from Harvard nor his undergraduate degree and in fact only lasted three semesters in Cambridge, taking a single math course, in which he got a D-); the claim that while working at Barclays Capital, he increased his group’s assets under management to $16 billion, despite BarCap having no record of his employment; the claim that at Locust, he applied “quantitative strategies based on mathematical models he developed at Harvard”; the claim that Ernst & Young was the fund’s auditor, Credit Suisse its prime broker and custodian, even though the SEC report was the first either had heard of the guy. Anyway, he’s probably going to spend some time in jail. Read more »
This Is A Clip Of A Greek Politician Aggressively Throwing Water In A Rival’s Face, Flailing His Arms/Fists At Another*By Bess Levin
As you may have heard, we might be getting a little rain this weekend. Some people are approaching the threat of Irene with an appropriate level of seriousness. Others, like the those who live and work in Connecticut, have not, according to Governor Malloy, who has apparently been telling his people to get their asses in gear, lest he be forced to say “told ya so” JUST LIKE LAST TIME.
Malloy urged residents to take the storm seriously and begin making preparations now. “I hope people are listening better to me than they did about removing snow from their roofs,” he said.
While there are some people who should very much take Malloy seriously, others can listen to him just as much as they did when he told them to remove snow from their roofs. If you happen to work for RBS, for instance, you might want to stay out of the lobby this weekend, seen in the green area below, which a Category 1 Hurricane will flood. Burning the midnight oil at UBS, seen in white just across the road? While it may come as a shock, you’re good! Read more »
Financial Services Employee Who Inserted His DNA Into A Colleague’s Water Bottle Ordered To Pay $13,500 Per ShotBy Bess Levin
It probably wouldn’t be too out of bounds to say that at least a handful of you have considered jerking off in a coworker’s water bottle. Conservatively. As prudent risk managers however, you’ve held off until you could quantify how much non-reward you would be getting with each unit of risk. Finally, and not a moment too soon for some, we got answers. Read more »
Unfounded Rumor Of The Morning: Which Bank’s “Water Guy” Was Arrested For Installing Some Unauthorized Cameras?By Bess Levin
Apparently “the guy that delivers water bottles to the trading floor” of a certain bank was escorted out of the building in handcuffs today, for “installing cameras in the men’s bathroom.” That’s all we know at this time. If you have any intel on the situation, or suspect you may have been filmed yourself, do get in touch! Read more »
The fellow pictured at left is 28 year-old German banker Steffen Korbach. He looks pretty happy because he’s got that cool shirt on and because the photo was taken prior to his totaling a £1.4million Pagani Zonda F Clubsport Roadster (only one of 25 in the world). Let’s hear his story. Read more »
As should the rest of Team G-20. Read more »
“Water pipe burst on London JPM trading floor at 10 Aldemanbury this morning. Not good.” Read more »