We can do this the easy way or the hard way

“And I want you to know the London Whale issue is dead,” Jamie Dimon recently told a bunch of school children. “The Whale has been harpooned. Dessicated. Cremated…I am going to bury its ashes all over.” [NYM]

In recent years, the Securities and Exchange Commission has been known more for its fuck-ups than successes. The regulator took a pass on heeding the warning signals by Bernie Madoff himself that he was running a Ponzi scheme, it chose to go after David Einhorn rather than Allied Capital when the hedge fund manager suggested all was not right at the company and right now, as we type, the regulator is presumably fucking up in ways we cannot imagine but will hear about two years hence. Separately the Commission happens to employ a not insignificant number of people who like to look at porn all day, every day, in lieu of working, which perhaps could explain some of the slip-ups, though it’s a very chicken or egg situation.

In past times, none of this (the failures and the 24/7 surfing of www.ladyboyjuice.com, www.anal-sins.com, www.fuck-my-wife.com, among others) proposed a problem. Business as usual. Then Inspector General David Kotz had to come in and start asking people, “Why didn’t you think to follow up when Madoff said the whole thing was a scam?” and “Why, on Wednesday, August 20th did you make approximately 385 attempts to access a website called www.ladyboyx.com from your work computer?” And now, it’s war. Read more »

You want it, Albany? You know what you have to do. Otherwise Long Island gets its first tobacco farm. Read more »

  • 17 Jul 2008 at 11:20 AM

Raid On Wachovia!

Ten state securities regulators just showed up at Wachovia’s St. Louis headquarters, reportedly seeking documents on auction rate securities sales and marketing practices. Today’s “on-site investigation” follows over seventy formal complaints and Wachovia’s failure to comply with requests for information. If you’re readng this in STL and they haven’t gotten to your floor yet, start shredding and hide the marshmallows.