weighty issues

Several weeks back, bond manager Bill Gross wrote a very personal letter to investors about feeling fat. In it, he spoke of hating his “spare tire,” feeling self-conscious about wearing a bathing suit, and preferring to be shot dead than getting a glimpse of what his ass has become. Today, Bill sent out another letter, entitled “Mea Culpa,” in which he apologized to PIMCO investors for the poor performance of the firm’s Total Return Fund (which through Wednesday was up a mere 1.1 percent versus the 5.7 percent benchmark). And yet perhaps it is the investors who should be apologizing to Mr. Bill? Read more »

You’d think someone would’ve gotten the hint by now. Read more »

Mary Sadrakula, pictured in both the glamour shot and mugshot at left, is a New Jersey councilwoman and a managing director at Cowen and Company. If colleagues have noticed that it seems like her head’s been in another place lately, it probably has, given that, in the last two weeks, she’s been charged with 1) assaulting her sister and 2) trying to cover up the incident. Why would a grown woman resort to physical violence- which included a punch so hard it broke a nose- toward anyone, let alone her own blood? According to the abused, it’s because Mary had an issue with the fact that her sis “is thin.” Read more »

Have you or your colleagues packed on some extra inches lately? Do you inject each other with hourly doses of corn syrup? Can you no longer see your dick over your stomach? Do the fat finger jokes hit a little too close to home? Great news. Read more »

Ladies– last evening I was having dinner with an alternative asset manager when the conversation took a interesting turn initiated by his uttering of these seven words, “My favorite show is The Biggest Loser,” and the following pitch: Read more »

  • 08 Dec 2009 at 2:32 PM

Neel Kashkari: The Photoshoot

Yesterday, the Washington Post treated us to an in-depth look at that $700 billion in rescue money being a number pulled out of Hank Paulson’s ass, and Neel Kashkari’s attempts to lose the weight he gained in DC while he lives in the woods and builds a shed. Now let’s take a peek at the absolutely epic slideshow that accompanied that story.

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  • 29 Oct 2009 at 10:03 AM

Ken Griffin On Losing Streak

Screen shot 2009-10-29 at 8.53.20 AM.pngBut don’t fret my pets, this is a good thing. I told you last week after examining him in the flesh that Kenny-boy had visibly slimmed down and today Bloomberg corroborates the story (in a massive profile on the Citadel founder, and how, among other things, he’s hoping to turn RBC* into a firm that goes “head to head” with Goldman Sachs, though obviously this is the most important aspect). Last year was tough, okay? Kensington and Wellington were down, really bad, the wife’s fund was outperforming his, and, of course there was that damn poster, just sitting there, mocking him. Who wouldn’t stress eat through the pain? You’ve got the S&P making idle threats on your ass, you’ve got investors pussying out on you and the only thing that can provide comfort is that plate of nachos. And brownies next to it. But now? All good! The Big C is up, and you could bounce a quarter of KG’s ass.

“We knew we were going to survive,” Griffin says of his decision to start an investment bank, sitting in the firm’s New York office on the 48th floor of the Citigroup Center a year after Lehman’s collapse. Two rows of empty desks nearby await eight new employees set to start work on the sales and trading floor of Citadel Securities.
Griffin, who says he gained 20 pounds as his funds lost $9 billion in 2008 — he shed some of the weight as they rebounded 56 percent through September — was doing what he’s done throughout Citadel’s 19-year history: stepping in when others were fleeing.

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