Whaledemort

  • whale diagram

    Banks

    JPMorgan Dissects A Whale Carcass

    How should one read JPMorgan’s Whale Report? I suppose “not” is an acceptable answer; the Whale’s credit derivatives losses at JPMorgan’s Chief Investment Office are old news by now, though perhaps his bones point us to the future. One way to read it is as a depressing story about measurement. There were some people and […]

    / Jan 16, 2013 at 1:41 PM
  • Okay let's make that ... rock wall ... thing ... taller.

    News

    Regulators Close Aquarium Door Behind Escaped Whale

    Once upon a time there was a whale, and he had a synthetic credit portfolio, and one day he did terrible terrible things with that synthetic credit portfolio, and the next day he woke up and realized he had lost $5.8 billion, and he was sad. The question for you is: was that a disaster? […]

    / Jan 14, 2013 at 6:33 PM
  • This probably overstates the forcefulness of his return.

    Banks, News

    London Whale Swims Off Into The Sunset

    Hi Whale! I told you you were not forgotten. Not understood, either, but not forgotten. The London Whale now goes by the less adorable name “synthetic credit portfolio,” since all mammalian representatives of that portfolio have left for non-extradition countries. That is descriptive enough, or so I would have thought; my rough model of the […]

    / Oct 12, 2012 at 5:05 PM
  • Ina Drew

    News

    Ina Drew Spent Her Whole Life Preparing To Construct A Poorly Correlated Credit Macro Hedge

    You’ve all peered into Ina Drew’s soul by now, right? My basic reaction was, “she kicks it old school.” This is obvious from the way that she stayed in Short Hills after getting rich, instead of decamping to, like, the moon, I guess? More telling, perhaps, is the fact that she seems to have been […]

    / Oct 3, 2012 at 7:47 PM
  • REMEMBER ME?

    News

    The CDX And The Whale

    The OCC report on bank derivative activities is rarely what you would call a laugh riot but I enjoyed that the 2Q2012 one released today gives the London Whale a belated sad trombone: Commercial banks and savings associations reported trading revenue of $2.0 billion in the second quarter of 2012, 69 percent lower than the […]

    / Sep 21, 2012 at 1:29 PM
  • ORCINUS ORCA

    News

    You Misplace 5 Or 6 Billion Dollars And All Of A Sudden People Stop Trusting You To Keep Track Of Your Money

    When JPMorgan’s whale drowned a lot of people asked “where were the regulators?” and that was a silly question, because the people with the most incentive and ability to keep the whale afloat were, in descending order, (1) the whale, (2) the whale’s bosses, (3) the whale’s bosses bosses, (4) the regulators, and (5) the […]

    / Aug 10, 2012 at 2:25 PM
  • it's not over 'til it's over

    JPMorgan Whale Isn’t Finished Here

    JPMorgan’s chief investment office has lost $5.8 billion on the trades so far, and that figure may grow by $1.7 billion in a worst-case scenario, Dimon, the bank’s chairman and chief executive officer, said today. [Bloomberg, related]

    / Jul 13, 2012 at 1:12 PM
  • News

    Whaledemort’s Soul, Portfolio Broken Up And Hidden In JPMorgan Investment Bank

    Who wins the call-the-Whale-close? The headline number is a $4.4 billion loss this quarter but that is lower than it could have been because those losses propagated backwards through time: JPMorgan Chase & Co. (NYSE: JPM) today reported that it will restate its previously-filed interim financial statements for the first quarter of 2012. The restatement […]

    / Jul 13, 2012 at 8:38 AM
  • News

    Call The JPMorgan (Whale Loss) Close (Updated)

    Did Bruno Iksil make the bank -$2 billion? -$9 billion? -$20 billion? Was this all just a hoax and he actually didn’t lose any money at all? JPMorgan will let us know tomorrow at 7AM.

    Standard Price Is Right rules, closest without going over. Guesses in by 4PM today. Winner will receive his or her choice of a visit from the sandwich fairy, a highly coveted whale bath toy, or an I heart Dealbreaker button.

    / Jul 12, 2012 at 1:21 PM
  • News

    A Company Is In The Hole For $182 Billion, Hank Greenberg Can See The Merit In A Congressional Hearing But $2-9BN? Beat It

    “Many companies have transactions that go bad,” Greenberg said today on “In the Loop With Betty Liu” on Bloomberg Television. “Everybody’s not paraded down to Washington to testify.” “He handled it OK,” Greenberg said of Dimon, 56. “It was really outrageous to have the CEO come down and testify before Congress because of a transaction […]

    / Jul 9, 2012 at 6:39 PM
  • News

    Analysts Attempt To Call The JPMorgan (Second Quarter) Close

    Despite Jamie Dimon’s promise that JPMorgan will be “solidly profitable” for the quarter, some are skeptical given the growing estimates of Whale-boy’s losses. According Mike Mayo, the bank “will only make $727 million…including $4 billion of losses in the unit that made the bungled bet [though] if the losses exceed $5 billion, JPMorgan could make an overall loss.” Barclays’ Jason Goldberg thinks things are gonna be okay here, and sees the bank making $3.3 billion, assuming you know who will have only lost it $3 billion when all is said and done. And yourselves?

    Start considering your predictions now, as come July 13, there will be a visit from the Sandwich Fairy and a coveted bath toy for whoever comes closest without going over.

    Will The Whale Swallow JPMorgan’s Second-Quarter Earnings [Dealbook]

    / Jun 29, 2012 at 3:26 PM
  • News

    JPMorgan Expanding Risk Team After You Know Who Ruined Things For The Whole Class

    J.P. Morgan has added at least five new employees over the past month to the risk department in its Chief Investment Office, the unit responsible for trading losses that may have climbed to $9 billion, according to people familiar with the matter. The bank is expanding the risk unit as it responds to the trading […]

    / Jun 28, 2012 at 1:09 PM
  • News

    Boaz Weinstein Finished Having His Way With Big Fish

    Saba Capital Management’s Boaz Weinstein recently exited a now famous and profitable credit derivative bet against JPMorgan, according to sources familiar with the trade. In May, JPMorgan reported a $2 billion trading loss in its chief investment office, due to large bets on an obscure group of indexes that track the performance of corporate bonds, […]

    / Jun 26, 2012 at 5:02 PM
  • Come at me, Maxine.

    News

    Jamie Dimon Chats About Managing Duration Risk With Friendly Congressman

    The House’s ping-ponging alternation of smacking and caressing Jamie Dimon today got pretty boring but I was struck by one number that Dimon mentioned, perhaps because it was about the only number that he mentioned. One Republican, with somewhat unclear intent,* suggested that the biggest risk to JPMorgan is that interest rates go up and […]

    / Jun 19, 2012 at 3:22 PM
  • JPMorgan Flogging

    Representative Carolyn Maloney: Why Didn’t You Lose Billions Of Dollars In New York? What’s London Got That We Don’t?

    “Mr. Dimon, I thought you loved New York. Why did all this activity take place in London?”

    / Jun 19, 2012 at 12:18 PM
  • JPMorgan Flogging

    So What You’re Saying Is…It’s Possible

    Congressman: “Mr. Dimon, is it possible that JPMorgan could lose $2 trillion?”

    / Jun 19, 2012 at 12:15 PM
  • News

    Meredith Whitney Not Worried About Jamie Dimon’s Ability To Handle House Financial Services Committee, Unlike Some Chief Executives She Knows

    As you may have heard, later today Jamie Dimon will once again testify on Capitol re: a certain whale’s multi-billion dollar losses. Unlike last week’s hearing, conducted by the relatively reasonable Senate Banking Committee, this time Dimon will face questions and screeching from the relatively bat-shit House Financial Services Committee, a group of people we hope will not hold back. Yet despite the HFSC’s history of making witnesses look good, not matter how egregious their offense, by conducting inquiries in a manner that would suggest recreational bath salts abuse by the Congressmen and women, Bloomberg’s Tom Keene expressed worry earlier this morning about Dimon’s ability to navigate the hearing.  Would today be “tougher” for the JPM chief, Keene asked Bloomberg TV Surveillance guest Meredith Whitney? According to the analyst, Dimon be more than fine and while we’re on the subject, not that you asked, she can think of another bank CEO who’d crack under Congressional questioning on account of the fact that he doesn’t have eyes you could get lost in.

    So, 1. How dare you, lady? Lloyd’s impish smile and comedic timing don’t do it for you? And 2. We thought these kind of blows were reserved for Vikram.

    Banking Industry Must Reinvent Itself, Says Whitney [Bloomberg TV]
    Related: Meredith Whitney Cannot Stress Enough How Little She Thinks Of Citigroup

    / Jun 19, 2012 at 11:32 AM
  • News

    Bruno Iksil: Genius

    Mr. Iksil [who sometimes wore the same clothing several days in a row] once confided to the colleague that when he wanted to avoid questions from supervisors about his trades, he sometimes would start discussing a mathematical term, equation or other technical jargon, to confuse and end the conversation. “He wasn’t trying to evade, he sometimes […]

    / Jun 19, 2012 at 10:06 AM

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