what are we going to do to him Harry

Next Time You Want To Ask Phil Falcone A Question, Make It One You Don’t Already Know The Answer To

By Bess Levin

LightSquared is a wireless venture that seeks to create “convenient connectivity for all.” But, as the careful listeners among us know full well, it stands to do much more. In short, it will make or break backer Harbinger Capital. Success will mean billions for manager Phil Falcone and his investors. Failure will mean Wilbur Falcone going back to where it all began, peddling ZJ’s on the 5:54 Metro North to Greenwich.

As one can expect when one is doing ground-breaking, visionary-esque work, LightSquared has encountered some opposition. The yachting community worries the interference will cause them to get lost at sea. The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration says it “may degrade precision services that track hurricanes, guide farmers and help build flood defenses.” Mars is similarly pissed.

The most recent hostility came last week from various parties claiming that the White House pressured certain officials to change their testimony before Congress to favor LightSquared, in order to help the network’s plans to move forward. Now, any and all donations the company’s CEO and Falcone have made to Democratic organizations are being scrutinized. Earlier this morning, Phil told Fox Business that allegations of influence via money sicken him (“People think we’ve made contributions to grease the wheels, that is so wrong, it’s disgusting,”) and this afternoon, took the time to explain the impetus for one donation in particular. Apparently all roads lead back to a woman with many fans round these parts. The First Lady of the hedge fund industry. Her Excellence: Lisa Maria Falcone. Continue reading »

  • 03 Dec 2010 at 12:30 PM

John Kinnucan Is Psyched To Have Been Subpoened By The FBI

By Bess Levin

“I’m happy to do it because I think it’s going to demonstrate my innocence,” Kinnucan said of the request for information. Will he be happy with all the other fun stuff the feds likely have in store for him after he refused to wear a wire while conversing with SAC Capital, notified his clients of the investigations, and instead of choosing to put a lid on it, pimped his story out to the highest bidder(s)? Stay tuned!

  • 04 Feb 2010 at 11:05 AM

What Is Andrew Cuomo Going To Do Some Bank?

By Bess Levin

andrewcuomopointing.jpgCNBC reports that Andrew Cuomo is set it announce “significant action” against a “major bank.” While we wait for the Attorney General to get his best suit on, let’s determine a) which bank and b) what he’s going to do to them. Some opening ideas:
1) Smash their faces with an iron
2) Shove a nail through their foot
3) Slap them in the face with a paint can
4) Bite off their fingers one by one
6) Snap off their necks with a crackle and pop (because they crossed Andy and messed with his shit, openin’ their trap and flappin’ their lip)
7) Nut in their eye
8) Stomp on their world
9) Piss and moan like an impotent jerk
10) You tell us
Update: Apparently its Bank of America, Ken Lewis, ex-CFO Joe Price, who Cuomo is bringing Martin Act charges against for “misleading investors about the Merrill purchase.” The above still not ruled out.