Wilbur

The light streaming into the hotel room blinded Wilbur. Or at least she thought it was a hotel room. She didn’t actually know where she was, or what time it was, or who the guy passed out next to her was. The only thing she knew for sure was that she had a pounding headache and that there was something sticking to the back of her knee. She reached down and peeled it off– a greasy crumpled up wrapper that judging by the smell once held a Taco Bell Gordita. Not that she could remember eating one, let alone doing so laying in bed next to a guy with a barbed wired tattoo inked around his arm, and then writing “If found call 555-9768 and ask for Phil” down his back with a tube of lipstick, though it was clearly her handwriting, her color, and her artistic sensibility in the stick figure drawings next to the note.

The phone on the nightstand lit up. Wilbur let it ring through. It lit up again. Who could possibly calling? Who knew she or man-of-unknown-origin were here? It lit up again. On the third ring she picked up.

“Hello?”

“Good afternoon!” a too chipper voice said on the other line. “This is your wake-up call.”

“I asked for a wake-up call?” From the looks of things she knew she certainly needed a wake up call, but not the kind that phoned you from the front desk, the kind that said splashed cold water on your face and said, “Wake up and take stock of your life lady you are in a hotel room with a guy with a barbed wire tattoo laying in a bed surrounded, literally, by trash, from Taco Bell. You don’t know what city or state you’re in and while you’re mercifully fully clothed and don’t have to contemplate what the spawn of this night of wrongs might look like, it appears somewhere in your travels you acquired a Credence Clearwater shirt that you turned into a crop top.”

“Why yes ma’am you did.”

“What time is it?”

“12:37PM on the dot, the exact time you asked us to call.”

“Do you know why I asked for that time?”

“I wasn’t working when you checked in ma’am but let me check the notes. Let me see, it says here you told Bobby ‘Must be up by 12:37, no earlier, not later, have business to tend to. Do not fuck me on this Bobert. Are you writing this down Bobert? Make sure you’re writing this down.’”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Wilbur muttered under her breath.

“Sorry ma’m I didn’t catch that.”

“Nothing. Thanks.”

*************************************************************

24 hours earlier Read more »

LightSquared’s lenders says Philip Falcone’s Harbinger Capital Partners won’t hand over documents they are requesting as part of an investigation over whether they can pursue claims against Harbinger and the wireless satellite company. In a Tuesday filing with U.S. Bankruptcy Court in Manhattan, lawyers for a group of LightSquared lenders owed more than $1 billion said it “appears” LightSquared received “preferential” loans last summer without any investment by Harbinger, which owns most of LightSquared’s stock and has four of the company’s six board seats. The lender group says it has the right to subpoena Harbinger as part of its June agreement to allow LightSquared to use cash secured by its loans. But Harbinger, it says, has refused. “Harbinger’s basis for its blanket refusal is that ‘as these cases progress, it will become clear that sufficient value exists to pay all creditors in full under a Chapter 11 plan,’” said the lenders, whose loans are secured by all of LightSquared’s assets. [DowJones]

  • 15 Feb 2012 at 2:56 PM

The Yet-To-Be Finished Memoir Of Wilbur P. Falcone

Wilbur Falcone is a pig who can play the piano and lives with a hedge fund manager of the same name, who was dealt some bad news today. This is her story.

“Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.” — Unknown

Wilbur glanced down at her watch. 12:13. Usually, she hated when people were late and, under normal circumstances, this would have gone beyond the point of what she’d tolerate. Hell, make her wait more than 5 or 6 minutes and you were ensuring you’d be receiving a series of irate texts inquiring sharply as to “WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU??????!!???” and threatening “If you’re not here in 30 seconds I’m leaving.” But today she was practically willing Tom to continue making her wait under the bodega awning. Just another minute. Just one more minute.

She took a long drag off her cigarette. Almost immediately, Phil popped into her head, as he often did these days. “What are you doing,” he’d say, in a way that told you he was irritated but irritated because he cared. “That shit will kill you.” She’d let him convince her to give it up years back, citing evidence about what it would do to her singing voice, and hadn’t even ever used the emergency stash at the bottom of her vanity, even despite all that had gone down these last 18 months. But now she needed one. Just a few puffs and she could be transported, if only for a moment, from this nightmare. Read more »

This comes as a bit of a surprise as we were under the impression LightSquared was still in the testing/trying to prove it’s not going to cause “devastating interference,” sink a battleship, kill some people/working out the kinks phase. Still, it’s wonderful to hear regardless, not just since it’s nice thing to do but because it suggests this thing might actually work, and Wilbur Falcone may not have to start asking for his old shift at Rick’s Cabaret just to put food on the table. Read more »

As you know, Harbinger Capital currently has a big bet going on a wireless company called LightSquared. Should it succeed, Phil Falcone will make billions and his investors will receive the triple digit returns they scored on subprime. Should it fail…we don’t even want to go there but someone will need to take in the family’s award-winning singing and dancing pig, who’s made it clear he “doesn’t do” 2-bedroom rentals North of 86th Street. So far, unfortunately, LightSquared, illiquid shares of which were recently awarded to redemption-seeking investors, has encountered a few bumps in the road (as one often does when one is doing groundbreaking, visionary-esque work). Most recently the company has been making the case that its satellite system will be huge for “coordinating enforcement and emergency response teams during natural disasters, like Hurricane Katrina.” On the flip side, according to a new study by the FAA, it might kill a few hundred people. Read more »

As you know, Harbinger Capital currently has a big bet going on a wireless company called LightSquared. Should it succeed, Phil Falcone will make billions and his investors will receive the triple digit returns they scored on subprime. Should it fail…we don’t even want to go there but the victims will not be faceless and include but are certainly not limited to Lisa Falcone’s outfits (people in and of themselves) and the family’s cabaret performing pig. So far, unfortunately, LightSquared, illiquid shares of which were recently awarded to redemption-seeking investors, has encountered a few bumps in the road (as one often does when one is doing groundbreaking, visionary-esque work). Last month, it was reported that government tests indicated the company would not only cause “devastating interference” to all GPS devices in range but, according to the National Space-Based Positioning, Navigation and Timing Systems Engineering Forum, would “degrade global-positioning system navigation devices that are nearby and as far away as outer space.” LightSquared responded by promising “a workable solution for the small number” of GPS devices “that may be at risk,” but now it seems the venture has bigger problems than Mars on its hands– the boating community, which is pissed. Read more »

Earlier this morning, LightSquared, the big wireless bet currently being waged by Phil Falcone, made the exciting announcement that the venture has raised an additional $265 million in funding from investors old and new. While the news is heartening and brings the total amount secured $2.3 billion in the past year, LightSquared and Phil are still quite far from their goal. Read more »