Edwards
Maybe you just got fired or think you’re going to be fired in the not too distant future and would like to line up a new gig now. Maybe you’re gainfully employed but looking to score some cash on the side. Maybe you’re a humanitarian who wants to help the good if socially awkward men of the world get laid. Maybe you love hitting on women but would have a tough time explaining to your wife why they came home with you. If you’ve got both the skills to reel in the ladies (as well as the ability to separate the “fun-loving” pieces of ass from those who refuse to spend 10 minutes posing for pictures, the bitches) and the selflessness to offer them up to a brother in need, maybe you should consider becoming a wingman– professionally. “But, Bess, do you really think people would pay me to help them pick up chicks?” Yes, in fact, I do. Continue reading »
As you may have heard, President Obama will be running for office again. In 2008, he had a whole bunch of support from Wall Street, including JPMorgan CEO Jamie Dimon and a bunch of whole hedge fund managers. Things got slightly tense in the last few years and while some financiers vowed to never, ever trust Obama with their hearts again (not after what he did to them!), some remained loyal and others can be gotten to. Prior to announcing his reelection campaign, the President held a meeting at the White House, organized by the DNC and attended by bankers and hedge fund managers, with two goals. Goal number one: getting a few things straight and goal number two: seeing who can be counted on.
The event…kicked off an aggressive push by Mr. Obama to win back the allegiance of one of his most vital sources of campaign cash — in part by trying to convince Wall Street that his policies, far from undercutting the investor class, have helped bring banks and financial markets back to health…“The first goal was to get recognition that the administration has led the economy from an unimaginably difficult place to where we are today,” said Blair W. Effron, an investment banker closely involved in Mr. Obama’s fund-raising efforts. “Now the second goal is to turn that into support.”
A few weeks later, Obama’s campaign manager, Jim Messina, held meetings with Wall Street donors, including one held at the home of Avenue Capital founder (and Hillary turned Barack supporter) Marc Lasry. Next month, Obama will “dine with bankers, hedge fund executives and private equity investors at the Upper East Side restaurant Daniel.” Tasting menus won’t be enough to sway everyone, though, which is why the president has enlisted some wingmen to help him get the job done. Continue reading »
Listen up, people. It’s never to early to start talking year-end bonuses and in order to ensure you’ll be making it rain, today we’re going to talk about this: strategy. Pick a number, any number. Visualize that number. What is it? A unit? A buncha units? You want it? You can have it, so long as you arm yourselves with the tools to go get it. This is an organic conversation in which you should feel free to toss ideas of your own but to get things started I’m going to offer a bunch of tips I’ve picked up in conversations with seasoned vets. Such as:
1. You must–must!– have a wing-negotiator. I don’t care if it’s a first year analyst, an intern, or the receptionist, you need someone who’ll be there to a) back you up but most importantly announce your entrance. You will wait outside the conference room and he/she will go in and let everyone know, “Alright, you suits, prepare yourselves for [your first name]-motherfucking [your last name].” Continue reading »
