There is an inverse relationship between penis size and hedge fund performance, one study of a nine-month period shows. Read more »
Watch and learn. Read more »
Paul Bint is a Brit whose only real job was a brief stint as a hairdresser. Figuring that’s not how one lands the ladies, he instead told a whole bunch of women (exact figure to be discussed shortly), over a period of years that he was a banker. And also a barrister. And a doctor. And a ballet dancer. And a Duke. It was pretty easy, Bint says, all he had to do was “read up on” his chosen profession steal some credit cards. In some instances, he pretended to be actual living people– murder prosecutor Orlando Powell, the Duke of Arundel, Director of Public Prosecutions Keir Starmer, etc– and did a pretty decent job. In fact, one women didn’t realize something might be fishy until, after breaking things off with him, he spray-painted the word ‘bitch’ on the side of her house. Recently released from prison, Bint took a few moments to talk shop. Read more »
Terrified Soon-To-Be Banker Would Like To Know If It’s Possible To Get Ass While Spending Every Waking Moment At The OfficeBy Bess Levin
From the mailbag: Read more »
Are you looking for “love”? Did you attend HBS? Did you do so with the idea in mind that once you graduated, women would be so infatuated with the notion that your cock once took leadership and organizational behavior that you’d be beating them off with a stick? Have things not exactly panned out that way? Take heart! DateHarvardsq.com is here to help. The new dating site matches males who have Harvard MBAs with discerning females who do not. The best part, if you’re a cheap bastard and/or really taken by yourself, is that all the men have to do is sign up, free of charge, and the chicks have to pay for the honor of possibly dating you. Here’s a featured member: Read more »
And by problems, we of course mean being caught running a Ponzi scheme, which is just rich. It’s always the stripper’s fault, isnt’ it?
Starr’s behavior outside the office also turned erratic after taking up with Passage in 2005. He began to forsake his own counsel about modest appearances, spending more than $400,000 on jewelry from Jacob & Co., aka Jacob the Jeweler, during the span of several months in 2006, according to the criminal complaint.
In related news, Passage is still said to be looking for a new gig to support herself and son due to Starr’s assets being put on ice.
According to Charlie Gasparino, in between telling Debrahlee Lorenzana to zip the lip, the CEO of JPMorgan’s had another broad to deal with. This time the topic wasn’t about mouth-running or Citi or asses or Vikram but it got just as wild.
FOX Business has learned that JPMorgan officials, all the way from lobbyists to the firm’s CEO, Jamie Dimon, have been working overtime to soften the financial regulation because of its implications for the big bank. At one point Dimon even got into a heated exchange with the U.S. Senator from New York, Kirsten Gillibrand.
I only ask because she herself suggested there might be some bringing of pain in the break room later, following a debate they had on last night’s blown call. Erin thought it was no big deal and doesn’t get what people are getting so bent out of shape about. Mark felt a tad differently, and told EB her attitude about the whole thing is the reason “women shouldn’t be in charge of sports.” Erin did not seem to appreciate this! As is our wont, we’ve obtain some footage of the two settling this off-camera (watch for Matt Nesto in the background). Read more »
Nouriel Roubini was named one of GQ’s Men of the Year, which is nice, but what he’d really like is a special lady friend who will put up with his crazy, doom-filled schedule. Vagina carvings are cool, as is the touch of a young actor in his prime, but they apparently start to get old. Ben Kunkel reports:
Being a “work-alcoholic” (another Roubini-ism) takes a toll on his social life. The gossip blog Gawker, noting that Roubini– in the midst of a recession!– had allowed himself to be photographed in the company of younger women, labeled him a “playboy economist.” In fact, his romantic life seems almost notable for its near nonexistence. When we went to a dinner party one night, he joked that I was his first date in four months. During a period last year, he taught at NYU on Tuesday evenings and typically took a light out of the country each Wednesday, to return on Sunday evening. This left him Monday evenings. “I would meet a woman, she would say, ‘What,’ I am only good enough for a Monday?’ ”
“You could have said Monday was the new Friday,” I offered.
“For me it was the only Friday.”
“You can’t even have a pet,” I said.
“It would die,” he confirmed.
So! The Doctor needs a one night a week woman, or a hooker. Until then, he’ll have to settle for up close and personal time with a Hungarian billionaire, who doesn’t even notice when Doom has been working out.
It’s well known that many Bear Stearns shareholders are not too happy that they may be asked to bear at least some portion of the cost of rescuing the financial markets from aftershocks of a Bear Stearns bankruptcy. Many believe they’d fare better in bankruptcy. Politicians are also lining up to take advantage of the government’s role in the rescue-through-buyout plan, calling for greater regulation. But it’s not just shareholders and politicians. Outrage over what is widely seen as a bailout is spreading to the broader public, including girls obsessed with celebrities, sex and fashion.
Over at Jezebel, Moe Tkacik has penned an impassion plea for Ben Bernanke to stop aiding Wall Street. It’s rather long on passion and short on analysis but it gets one thing right: there’s a great irony that our the masters of financial system, which has been shucking off regulations for years, have suddenly discovered the need for close government supervision because of the fragility of finance.
Anyway, here’s Moe, who writes in prose that would make even Bess Levin blush:
So fuck the Street, Ben Bernanke; just this once, just for, like, a quarter or something. You don’t have to play rough; I’m not asking you to nationalize any industries or institute land reform or anything, just give them a little scare. They chose this path, you know. They chose to worship Ayn Rand and wear those Paul Smith shirts and pay zero money down on their Hamptons summer homes and obnoxiously, whenever confronted by someone like myself at a bar, claim that the Market Solves Everything. Let the market solve this one for them. People are eating dirt for dinner in Haiti, Ben Bernanke; you can let Bear Stearns go to bankruptcy court.