…is a thing people, knowing his position on the country, have probably asked Jim Rogers before. And don’t think he hasn’t thought of it! Unfortunately, the investor is spoken for. Having said that, Rogers is thrilled at the prospect of his daughters’, ages 4 and 9 years-old, marrying one of China’s native sons and is currently accepting applications from potential suitors. Read more »
wtf
In fact, they’re reportedly not letting anyone leave the park (all exits have been closed off), unless they’re being arrested. Read more »
Former Morgan Stanley Analyst Framed For Armed Robbery By Boyfriend Now Being Accused Of Setting Him Up
By Bess Levin
Despite the fact that Morgan Stanley beat expectations last quarter, things are still not yet peachy keen again at the bank. Brad Hintz fears it’s going to be years before clients put MS back on speed dial, Blackberry usage is stiflingly curtailed, Dick Bové has dropped hints he’s going to go Fatal Attraction on James Gorman’s ass, and come January John Mack will not be around protect everyone with his Tommy gun. Having said that, MS employees are all in a far better place than one of their former colleagues, who had the misfortune of getting involved with a lunatic who chose the reasonable course of framing her for armed robbery after the relationship soured. Read more »
There is no fishing trip. Read more »
I mean, yeah, things started out a little slowly but eventually this became A-game content that’s gonna be prettay, prettay, prettay hard to top.
[Someone in the control room: This is is genius team but I think we're starting to lose people so let's really show the viewers we mean business] Read more »
John Thomas Financial CEO, Defender Of Equal Rights For Wall Street, Most Likely Has Another Issue He’d Like To Address
By Bess Levin
A few weeks ago, John Thomas Financial CEO Thomas Belesis demanded respect for a group of people, the denizens of Wall Street, who, while labeled “different” from the rest of society because of their alternative professions, are still human beings who deserve to be treated fairly. Belesi did so by organizing a rally on his firm’s trading floor attended almost exclusively by the people whose desks are there. He mostly spoke in broad terms, since this was the first event of its kind, and the organizers just wanted to get their name and cause out there. But now, let us get down to specifics. Wall Streeters should not be ashamed of what they do, or try to hide it behind closed doors for fear of judgment or backlash. For instance, before JB started JTF, he worked at place where strippers danced regularly on the trading floor, labia rings were sniffed, breasts were used as napkins, and junior employees mopped up their boss’s jizz. But outside the halls of the firm, no one was allowed to talk about it. And not only that, but people actually got in trouble with the law for this sort of thing! And if you’re Thomas Belesis, you’re probably thinkin’ “that ain’t right.”
Last night we got a piece of devastating news. The Pirate that has stood in the lobby of Pirate Capital’s 800 Connecticut Avenue office in Norwalk has gone missing. That’s right– the mascot who’s been there through it all– through the cockminnow fights on the floor, the trips to PetSmart, the proxy battle tee-shirts, the (spawn of) Michael Bolton years, the (spawn of) Michael Bolton abandonment, the AUM shrinkage, and the Sugar Daddy Days– is no longer. And this got us worried. We hadn’t heard from Tom Hudson and the swashbucklers in quite some time, and despite what we figured were assets under management of about 15-large, and the news that Tommy Boy had literally dug his own grave, we just thought that things would be okay. And then this. Getting rid of a stupid Pirate mascot might not seem like a big deal to some other fund managers but for Tom Hudson and his well known eye-patch fetish, it does not bode well. And it gets worse.
Yesterday we mentioned the harrowing, life-shattering news that Bloomberg had removed the function that allowed you to see how many people were clicking your profile, and checking your shit out, as confirmed by a Help Desk representative. Today, it’s back. Not that we’re not thrilled for those you who enjoy the idea of people watching you, but we’re just wondering why the sudden about face?
Today’s your lucky day! Very supposedly, the PR firm that represents the purveyor of Frosties is sending a girl dressed as Wendy around to the “sell-side guys” who cover the company and is handing out $25 gift cards as we speak. Apparently she’s been to Neuberger Berman already, is on her way to JPMorgan and “has plans to make all the stops.” No idea who thought this would be a good idea but obviously the genius of this stunt will soon reveal itself. Her name is Melissa. Enjoy.
Yesterday we shared the joyous news that Jack Welch had made it home after a harrowing 92 days in the hospital spent battling a staph infection. Today he sat down with Fortune to discuss how he’s feeling and plans for the future. First off, he’s doing great and predicts he’ll be in “fighting shape” within three months. Second, for those of you wondering why your tuition check for the Jack Welch (Online) MBA Institute was cashed months back but you’ve yet to receive a log-in or confirmation of a seat in Professor Bartiromo’s tutorial “Suck it, Trebek,” remain calm. Jack says “there was a delay of game but the school is going to launch in January.” So that’s all nice to hear but what we really wanted to know was how J-Dubs landed in the hospital in the first place, with an infection so bad newspapers were preparing his obituary. What was the source of the staph? Welch has a theory.
Sorry, Ness actually didn’t say the ‘crazy’ part, that was just me. What the noted hooker fucker did tell the Post is that Hank’s attempts this week to get a state judge to throw out a lawsuit Spitzer filed against him in 2005 are “an outright denial of fact and history by Mr. Greenberg and his lawyers” and that “it is time for Mr. Greenberg to acknowledge the errors that occurred on his watch.” Other words I’ll put into Spitz’s mouth are “Let it go, old man. Get yourself a nice prostie and ride off into the night. I’ve got some names I can send you.” For his part, and here’s where the nutcase allegation comes into play, Greenberg is claiming that Spitzer went after him not just as a means of political gain but because Warren Buffett told him to:
Greenberg threw the first punch in their new showdown with legal papers Wednesday claiming that Spitzer concocted his prosecution of Greenberg using a gift-wrapped case offered up by an outsider trying to avoid his own prosecution — in this case, billionaire Warren Buffett.
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