For most of this week, our singular mission has been to defend the most majestic hedge fund in all the land, vis-à-vis the hideous suggestion they may have been tainted by the insider trading scandal du jour. Our message has been simply this: Steve Cohen is the king, and nobody fucks with his majesty. And yet. Some people? Still don’t get it. Take this story, entitled “SAC Capital Ex-Analyst Under Probe.” The particular trading in question took place while the employee was at another firm entirely. But someone–Rupert–just had to drag the Kingdom of Cohen into the conversation, didn’t they? So, today, I’m going to show you people what you can expect if you don’t back the shit off. I mean it. Shut it with this insider trading crap, as it relates to the big guy and his li’l guys, or the following scenario is in your future. IF YOU’RE LUCKY.
yes I’ll be taping the originals to my bedroom wall
Yesterday, together as a joint effort, we and SAC cleared the most majestic hedge fund in all the land of any possible wrongdoing vis-à-vis the insider trading case du jour. First, the firm conducted its own thorough investigation of the trades in question (and found no evidence of shady dealings). Then, we came along and finished things off with a brief but clear message: nobody fucks with the king. Nothing else needed to be said but unfortunately, some people felt the need to pipe up and remind everyone that “the determination by the big hedge fund is preliminary because a number of the stocks involved in the insider-trading case remain secret as criminal and civil investigations continue.” Obviously these people, and maybe yourselves, still don’t get it. So, today, we have no choice but to continue. For those of you– and I’m talking about the SEC, I’m talking about the Feds, I’m talking about anyone looking to make trouble– even ENTERTAINING the thought of messing with our lord, go back from whence you came. The king is busy.
The events of last week, wherein the most majestic hedge fund in all the land was implicated in the insider trading scandal du jour, were deeply distressing to us all. While SAC was reviewing the trades in question, and, thankfully, clearing itself of any wrongdoing, we went in search of a more visceral sign. Something that would say, “Nothing to see here.” Or: “Back it up, SEC. You don’t want a piece of this.” Or: “Take one step closer, and I’m not kidding, I’ll take this golf club, and I’ll bust open your skull.” Or, more simply: “Nobody fucks with the king.” This weekend in Southern Connecticut, we found it.
- Use the Bloomberg command
NH BLG_DEALBREAKER <GO>
to access Dealbreaker
