David Longmuir, head of equity sales at OAO Sberbank’s London unit, agreed to step down after being accused of referring to a colleague as “Ms. Cokehead,” according to two people with knowledge of the matter. Colleagues on the equity sales desk, all men, created a hostile work environment and displayed “a demeaning and offensive attitude to women,” Svetlana Lokhova alleged in documents from her U.K. employment tribunal claim against Sberbank CIB. Lokhova took a leave of absence in January 2012 and hasn’t returned since. Lokhova accused Longmuir of sending e-mails to clients saying they were “awaiting arriving of Ms. Cokehead,” and “they’ve hired mad Svetlana to do equity sales,” according to her claim. [Bloomberg]
you know I’m right
OAO Sberbank’s London Office Seeking Replacement For Resident Nickname-Giver (5 Years Experience LOLing At Own Jokes Preferred, Not Required)By Bess Levin
You Don’t Become The World’s Leading Hedge Fund Manager Without Learning To Delegate The Most Critical Of TasksBy Bess Levin
How does a nanny earn more than the average pediatrician? The simple answer is hard work — plus a strange seller’s market that follows a couple of quirky economic principles. A typical high-priced nanny effectively signs her (and they are almost always women) life over to the family she works for…And, alas, it seems that there just aren’t enough “good” nannies, always on call, to go around. Especially since a wealthy family’s demands can be pretty specific. According to Pavillion’s vice president, Seth Norman Greenberg, a nanny increases her market value if she speaks fluent French (or, increasingly, Mandarin); can cook a four-course meal (and, occasionally, macrobiotic dishes); and ride, wash and groom a horse. Greenberg has also known families to prize nannies who can steer a 32-foot boat, help manage an art collection or, in one case, drive a Zamboni to clean a private ice rink. [NYT via BI, related]
Admittedly it’s just a theory but hear us out– based on the following bonus numbers communicated to managing directors this morning in Stamford, is it possible the Swiss’s long-term revenue generating plan is to get someone to burn the place down so they can collect the insurance money and then work out of Howard Johnson’s? Read more »
In addition to being known as one of the most loved and revered businessmen- some would say- ever, a savvy investor and a lover of Cherry Coke, Buffett is known for one thing above all else– going out of his way to awkwardly marry aberrant sex fetish with folksy business wisdom. Some of his greatest hits include telling Bloomberg, on the matter of why people should want to sell their companies to BRK, “You can sell it to Berkshire, and we’ll put it in the Metropolitan Museum; it’ll have a wing all by itself; it’ll be there forever. Or you can sell it to some porn shop operator, and he’ll take the painting and he’ll make the boobs a little bigger and he’ll stick it up in the window, and some other guy will come along in a raincoat, and he’ll buy it.” Telling investors on his decision to buy NetJets, “Once you’ve flown NetJets, returning to commercial flight is like going back to holding hands.” Telling investors, of the housing crisis, “As house prices fall, a huge amount of financial folly is being exposed. You only learn who has been swimming naked when the tide goes out.” Telling CBS, on the topic of bridge: “You know, if I’m playing bridge and a naked woman walks by, I don’t even see her. Don’t test me on that!” Telling Forbes, in 1974, on stocks being undervalued: “[I feel] like an oversexed guy in a whorehouse.” [Forbes changed “whorehouse” to “harem.”] Today he added another track to the album in an excerpt of his annual investor letter to be released this spring.
As part of his argument for why one shouldn’t own gold, he noted, “Beyond the staggering valuation given the existing stock of gold, current prices make today’s annual production of gold command about $160 billion. Buyers — whether jewelry and industrial users, frightened individuals, or speculators — must continually absorb this additional supply to merely maintain an equilibrium at present prices. A century from now the 400 million acres of farmland will have produced staggering amounts of corn, wheat, cotton, and other crops — and will continue to produce that valuable bounty, whatever the currency may be. Exxon Mobil will probably have delivered trillions of dollars in dividends to its owners and will also hold assets worth many more trillions (and, remember, you get 16 Exxons). The 170,000 tons of gold will be unchanged in size and still incapable of producing anything. You can fondle the cube, but it will not respond.”
Only, as any Warren Buffett scholar worth his or her salt will tell you, that clearly wasn’t the line of his choosing but rather what Fortune, where it appeared, came up with after rejecting his previous drafts, reminding Buffett that theirs is family publication. We’ve obtained the originals and, in the interest of full disclosure and because its how Warren would have wanted it, will share them now. Read more »
The Logical Conclusion Here Is That Mike Mayo Occupies Himself During Lesser Analysts’ Conference Call Questions By Rubbing Baby Oil On His PecsBy Bess Levin
PULL-UPS: Mayo…can do 35 consecutively and 150 in an hour. Used to do as many as 200 push-ups at a time when stress level got high. Changed to pull-ups after push-ups started causing him neck pain. BREAKFAST: 10 egg-white omelette with grilled onions. [Miami Herald via BI]
A few weeks back, FrontPoint Partners’ healthcare fund had its name in the press due to its association with a French doctor who allegedly passed one of its managers some hot tips. Not really that big a deal in the grand scheme of things (especially considering the firm itself was never actually charged with any wrongdoing) but apparently investors thought differently. They have redeemed en masse, forcing FrontPoint to liquidate the $1.5 billion fund. And now they need to sit down for a little chat re: the ways of the world. Read more »
If you are part of the on-air talent team at CNBC, you must write a book. It’s in the contract. The network knows the people want it and why deny the people the musings of these celebrated raconteurs? It’d border on criminal. David Faber and the Jabroni Pony’s tomes came out last year, Maria Bartiromo has done two in the last three months, we’re told Mark Haines is putting the finishing touches on his memoir, Let Me Tell You What I Really Think Of These People and the latest contribution to literature and understanding comes from Michelle Caruso-Cabrera. You may not know it but this woman has seen a lot in her years in the markets. The nightmare of ’73-’74; the joys of being at the ground floor when JWM was gearing up the boys at Solly; the coke-fueled days riding the Nasdaq like a Thai hooker during the late ’90s, then riding it down. She was cutting her teeth trading EM bonds when most of you were crapping yellow, so maybe consider taking a listen. Read more »
Lloyd and his wife Laura has been comfortably ensconced in their new pad in 15CPW for over year now, where neighbors include people like Sandy Weill, Daniel Och, and Dan Loeb and each apartment comes equipped with an auto-fellatio room in order to meet the needs of the esteemed residents. Unfortunately, LB has been having a little trubs selling his old house, at 941 Park Avenue. It’s been on the market since June and despite the added value of Stan O’Neal living in the building, its received no bites. Or has it?