Not only did the Beard of Understanding land some prime modeling gigs on the success of his Times spread, but he’s reached the penultimate step toward being named Most Popular girl in school (all that’s left to do is blow the editor-in-chief of the year book, who tallies up senior superlative ballots). A new CNBC survey of “Wall Street professionals” shows a waning faith in the economy at large but a waxing faith in he who would sooner say the ‘r’ word than engage in that or any other hair removal process. Thirty-nine “money managers, investment strategists, and professional economists” gave Ben a “B” for his work this month, up from January’s “B-.” It would’ve been an “A-” but Charlie Gasparino’s mechanic said he was “less than impressed” with the Chairman’s work, and failed his Harvard ass.
Fed Chairman Doing Better, But the US Economy Isn’t [CNBC]

Some punk analyst (No really, some Punk Ziegel & Co. analyst) is accusing the Fed of forcing the major banks to borrow from the discount window. Market analyst Richard Bove thinks Bernanke sweetly serenaded JPMorgan, Bank of America, Wachovia and Citi to a tune of “Come to my window / Borrow cash, even though you don’t need to / Come to my window / I’ll cut rates soon.” From MSN:

The discount rate, though lower than it was last week, is still higher than the 5.25 percent federal funds rate, which is what banks pay to borrow from one another. Plus, because of the $38 billion in cash the Fed has pumped into the system, banks are charging only 4.9 percent for overnight loans, Bove said. A statement from three of the banks that borrowed from the discount window said they wanted to “demonstrate the potential value of the Fed’s credit facility and encourage other banks to use it.”

The whole thing was a “P.R. gig,” like getting knocked up by David Crosby. The banks took the dough to remove the stigma on borrowing money from the Fed as a credit line of last resort (and of getting inseminated by a drugged out musician), and to encourage smaller banks to do the same.
Ahead of the Bell: Federal Reserve [AP via MSN Money]

Ben Bernanke’s speech to the Washington Economic Club put through the Gizoogle treatment.

In com’n decades, many forces will shape our economy n our society, but in all likelihood no single factor will have as pervasive an effect as tha aging of our populizzles In 2008, as tha first poser of tha baby-boom generizzles reach tha minimum age fo` receiv’n Social Security benefits, there wizzle be `bout five work’n-age thugz (between tha ages of twenty n sixty-four) in tha United States fo` each person aged sixty-five n drug deala n those sixty-five n cracka wizzle makes up `bout 12 percent of tha U.S. populizzles Those statistics is set ta change rapidly, at least relative ta tha speed wit which one thinks of demogrizzles changes as usually weed-smokin’ place.
For example, perpetratin’ ta tha intermediate projections of tha Social Security Trustees, by 2030–by W-H-to-tha-izzich time most of tha baby playa will have retired–the ratio of those of work’n age ta those sixty-five n cracka wiznill hizzy fallen fizzle fizzle ta `bout three. By that time, olda Americans wizzy constitute `bout 19 percent of tha U.S. populizzles a greata share thiznan of tha populizzle of Florida today motha fucka.
This bustin’ demogrizzles transition is tha result both of tha reduction in fertility tizzle followed tha post-World War II baby bizzy n of mobbin’ increazes in life expectancy.
Although crazy ass nigga expect U.S. fertility rates ta remain close ta current levels fo` tha foreseeable future, life expectancy is projected ta continue ris’n. As a conseqizzles tha anticipated increaze in tha share of tha populizzle aged sixty-five or olda is not simply tha result of tha retirizzles of tha baby gangsta tha “pig in a python” image often used ta describe tha effects of thiznat generizzles on U.S. demogrizzles is straight trippin’ Instead, over tha N-to-tha-izzext few decades tha U.S. populizzles is expected ta become progressively killa n remain so, even as tha baby-boom generizzles passes frizzom tha scene.
As you may know, populizzles aging is also cruisin’ in mizzle otha countries. Indeed, many of these countries is brotha along than tha United States in this process n have already begun ta experience mizzle F-U-Double-Lizzy some of its social n economic implications.
Even a brotha of tha dismal science like me would find it difficult ta describe increas’n life expectancy as bad news with the S-N-double-O-P. Longa, pimp lives wizzle provide many benefits fo` individuals, families, n society as a whole. Playa an aging populizzles also creates some important economic challenges. For example, many observa have noted tha difficult choices that aging will create fo` fiscal policy killa in tha years ta come, n I will briefly note some of those budgetary issues today. But tha implications of demogrizzles change can also be viewed fizzle a pusha economic perspectizzle As I wizzill discuss, tha broada perspective shows clearly thiznat adequate preparizzles fo` tha blunt-rollin’ demogrizzle transition may wizzell involve signifizzle adjustments in our patterns of consumption, wizzork effort, n mobbin’ Ultimatizzles tha extent of these adjustments depends on how we drug deala explicitly or implicitly–to distribute tha economic burdens of tha aging of our populizzles across generizzles Inherent in tizzy choice is questions of intergenerizzles equity n economic efficiency, questions that is difficult ta answa definitively but is neverthizzles among tha mizzy critical that we face as a nation.

Actually we have no idea what year Fed chief Ben Bernanke wrote his “Hippie Dictionary.” But we’re glad he did. It’s actually quite good, and nicely post-modern with its inter-textual self-referentiality. Here are the excerpts reprinted by Bloomberg.

Bird — a lady as in “cute chick” or “henpecked”
Dig — to like, to enjoy, as “The hippie undertaker digs his work.”
Down trip — a drag
Drag — a down trip
Hang-up — a neurosis or fetish
In gear — the cat’s pajamas
Lie-In — a form of peaceful protest that often fails when demonstrators go to sleep
Square — someone who stays home New Year’s Eve to hear Guy Lombardo play “Auld Lang Syne”
Straight — as in “stiff” (see “dig”)
Swing — what someone does who thinks Guy Lombardo is a football coach (see square)
Trip — a rocket flight without the rocket

Bernanke’s Hippie Dictionary Updated: Caroline Baum [Bloomberg]
[Note: Apparently, Bernanke's dictionary was originally published in connection with a school play. The Dillon Herald published excerpts from the dictionary in honor of Ben Bernanke Day, and we picked it up from a Bloomberg story we came across while reading Eddy Elfenbein's Crossing Wall Street.]