You might have noticed, due to our lack of posts on the subject, that we couldn’t get it together to watch the second season of Wall Street Warriors. This had a lot to do with the fact that it was impossible to stuff yet another show into our already jam-packed lineup of The Wire and Larry Robbins TV (a 24 hour webcam in L-Train’s Glenview office) and a little to do with the fact that deep down inside, we couldn’t bear the idea of watching a WSW that didn’t feature hedge fund manager Tim Sykes knocking over a fan when his AUM went from twelve large to ten. But we think now that the W’s gone and Lar’s embarked on his year of silent reflection in Vienna, we could find some time to watch a bunch of Street fighters in actions. We could especially get behind watching 4-5 “warriors” day trading out of their studios whatnot if one of them was a DealBreaker reader. So don’t blow this.
Former hedge fund manager Tim Sykes to have had a conversation (Facebook wall back and forth) with Kristen/Ashley last night. Who knows if it’s legit. We like to think it is, if only for the fact that she tells him she’d rather read thestreet.com than his site. Burn, indeed.
Spitzer’s Girl “Kristen” Is Really Ashley Alexandra Dupre [Timothy Sykes]
A reader experimenting with his sadomasochistic side sent us the following two images this morning and asked, separated at birth?
Early this morning, there was a fire in an Upper East Side apartment building. Luckily no one died and almost all of the injuries were minor, save for a fire fighter who was hospitalized and in “serious condition.” I hadn’t read or heard about what happened. Hedge fund manager Tim Sykes rectified that:
CilantroFP: you hear?
CilantroFP:that was my building, i almost died
CilantroFP: what would DB do then?
CilantroFP: dude it was scary
CilantroFP: no fire alarms
DBBL: that’s got to be illegal, no?
CilantroFP: they’re “under repair”
CilantroFP: waking up coughing in a smoggy room is no fun
CilantroFP:let me tell ya
CilantroFP: you still there?
CilantroFP: it was crazy!
DBBL: you think it’s a sign of what’s to come
DBBL: like, with your hedge fund?
CilantroFP: i think some angry DB reader tried to kill me
CilantroFP: is what i think
CilantroFP: but i prevailed, just like i always will
DBBL: ill let them know
CilantroFP: yeah yeah, they’re gonna have to do better than that!
DBBL: how do you think they would do it?
CilantroFP: they did do it…but they failed
CilantroFP: they just sabotaged the fire alarms
CilantroFP: but they forgot i live on low floor so my escape was quick
DBBL: no attention to detail with these guys
CilantroFP: well i like a challenge
CilantroFP: so hopefully they won’t quit trying
30 injured in Upper East Side fire [Newsday]
A few weeks ago we reprinted a compilation of Tim Sykes’s hate mail, which he’d forwarded to us completely altruistically besides for the request that we link to his website. There were many gems. Many ad hominem attacks. Many instances of out of the box type insults (my personal favorite: “If I fed you rat poisoning, how long do you think it would take for you to die?”). Then we dared you to do better. None of you did. The latest batch of hate mail is horrible. Flat out sucks. You need to carry your weight, do your duty and push Sykes down—in a strange way, the emails are like the ‘dunk the clown’ stand at the carnival, and you’re to hit the very small target that would register with this idiot and potentially sink his incongruously large ego. There was one message that stood out from the pack in that it sucked slightly less than the rest. It was pithy, and it had a numbered outline differentiating insults. The rest: step up. Those who didn’t email at all: failing grades.
Tim Sykes—Find Him Under ‘RichAssJew’ On MySpace—Says We Should Consider Ourselves Lucky He Closed His Fund, Otherwise We Never Would Have Heard About Him*, And What A Pity That Would’ve BeenBy Bess Levin
Later: More Sykes Hate Mail. Don’t act like you’re not excited.
*His reasoning re: Tim Sykes not being a household name two years ago is that his fund was too small to get press on it its own and SEC rules prevented him from acting like the media whore we know and love today.
Update: Tim contacted me to elaborate on the above:
CilantroFP (12:02:04 PM): thanks to all my media now i get interested investors all the time, but now its too late for me
DBBL (12:02:10 PM): yes
CilantroFP (12:02:17 PM): the SEC fucked me
CilantroFP (12:02:27 PM): and now i’m trying to save others from getting fucked
CilantroFP (12:02:28 PM): or raped
CilantroFP (12:02:32 PM): the SEC are rapists
CilantroFP (12:03:00 PM): and everyone’s who’s been raped by them is too scared to come forward
CilantroFP (12:03:02 PM): i’m not
DBBL (12:03:12 PM): you’re a pioneer
CilantroFP (12:03:22 PM): i just don’t think rape is ok
CilantroFP (12:03:32 PM): and its gonna continue cuz they’re a predator
CilantroFP (12:03:41 PM): they won’t change unless the victims unite
CilantroFP (12:03:55 PM): and say “its not our fault”
CilantroFP (12:03:59 PM): “its not our fault”
DBBL (12:04:03 PM): take back the night
CilantroFP (12:04:36 PM): i invite everyone to become part of the solution
CilantroFP (12:04:48 PM): TimothySykes.com is a place free from financial assualt and abuse
CilantroFP (12:06:08 PM): yeah, don’t forget to link to my site!
A little known secret to those outside of the DealBreaker bunker (besides how we feel about Jews, though I guess that C’s out of the B now) is that on particularly low days, when Carney doesn’t have any proxy access articles to write about, and I’ve been forbidden from posting Always Been Cobbling again (not today though, so WATCH FOR IT), and there isn’t a bottle of Mike’s HL in sight, we cheer ourselves up by reading hate mail. Not our own, of course, because it’s less funny than dead on (“Dear Carney, your obvious lack of financial market acumen extends to your inability to assess your own merits. You should be strung up by your undescended testicles until you expire.” “Bess, which I don’t even think is your real name, you wouldn’t know a CDO from a hole in the ground. Read up on the former before you crack wise or jump into the latter and STFU.”), but that of an honorary member of the DB team, who turned $12,145 in Bar Mitzvah money into a pre-tax sum of just under $2 million. Often, but not always, because he’s a pretty busy guy (he’s a celebrity, you know), Sykes wades through the week’s mail, compiles a “best of” and sends it our way, free of agenda. I think I’ve decided that going forward, whenever he does this, we’ll in turn share it with you, because what the fuck, we never have any fun anymore. My only suggestion is that you read each mix tape over and over and over again (if the things really gets popular, we’ll make a recording of our favorites and release a CD) and be forwarded that it’s [sic] [sic] [sic] throughout.
You know how we said the other day that we’re starting to love Fox Business because of the so-horrifically-bad-it’s-good thing it’s got going on? Yeah, that’s not what’s happening here.
Tim Sykes’s new “hedge fund,” Transparent Investment Management, lost $28 dollars yesterday, and is up $1,635 (13.71 percent) to $14,050 since its inception, nine days ago. TIM’s founder Tim would also like to you to note that he’s devoting fifteen hours a day to the market, another 4 to answering e-mails, and the remaining five to “miscellaneous pursuits,” which he would like you to identify below.
We realize this is kind of last minute, not very well thought out, and a lot to ask of the 20% of you who are still employed and have more important things to do today, but you’ve always said that if we ever found ourselves in trouble and had nowhere else to turn, we could come to you. Well, we’re coming to you—we want to rehire this kid Heath Khan (no relation to Genghis) who used to work here but don’t have the money (maybe if more of you had clicked on the Mike’s ads, we wouldn’t be in this situation). Can someone float us the funds? If we get enough page views with Heath back on the team, there’s a chance we’ll even be able to pay you back in cash at some point in the future, or you could take some equity in the company now. What do you say? Know what we say? Kidding! No one named Heath ever worked here. Little ‘trick’ for you, in honor of the day. Okay, but let’s talk seriously for a second– we really do have a friend who needs your help/charity. His name is Tim and he’s in a major jam. Kid has no clue what to be for Halloween. We know you’ve got ideas for him. The only stipulation is that it doesn’t cost too much, because he doesn’t currently have a source if income, per se. It won’t be hard to top last year’s costume, which was apparently a lumberjack (this was just before Wall Street Warriors became a hit, you see, so the pressure wasn’t really on him to think up something great), but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t reach for the stars. We’ve come up with a few jumping off points, from which you can either pick one and say “Hey, great, and this is how you execute it, Tim” or come up with your own.
A hedge fund manager (he’s always wanted to be one, and Halloween is a holiday of aspiration)
Neil Cavuto (they’ve got the same hair)
Lolcat Ben Bernanke: I’z up in yer marketz, cutting yer inflation. (That was John’s idea)
A person who’s going to buy his book (so this might just require his regular street clothes, I don’t know)
Several death threats have even been sent to Timothy’s EliteTrader account and Trader Monthly magazine has come out in support of these disgruntled traders. In fact, Trader Monthly’s president told us that Tim is “a burnt out trader with no practical skill.” When Hedge Funnies asked why he should be put to death for this fact he told us that Sykes “was very, very disrespectful to his mother on national TV and even referred to his own religious views with negative connotations! Is this someone who deserves to be attending Trader Monthly parties? No. In fact, we believe that he shouldn’t even be breathing.”
Tim Sykes makes a startling announcement [Hedge Funnies]