Tim Sykes

  • 15 Apr 2008 at 4:43 PM
  • Tim Sykes

Your Employer Will Have No Problem With This

tim.jpgYou might have noticed, due to our lack of posts on the subject, that we couldn’t get it together to watch the second season of Wall Street Warriors. This had a lot to do with the fact that it was impossible to stuff yet another show into our already jam-packed lineup of The Wire and Larry Robbins TV (a 24 hour webcam in L-Train’s Glenview office) and a little to do with the fact that deep down inside, we couldn’t bear the idea of watching a WSW that didn’t feature hedge fund manager Tim Sykes knocking over a fan when his AUM went from twelve large to ten. But we think now that the W’s gone and Lar’s embarked on his year of silent reflection in Vienna, we could find some time to watch a bunch of Street fighters in actions. We could especially get behind watching 4-5 “warriors” day trading out of their studios whatnot if one of them was a DealBreaker reader. So don’t blow this.

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Two Whores, Havin’ A Chat

kristenashley.jpgFormer hedge fund manager Tim Sykes to have had a conversation (Facebook wall back and forth) with Kristen/Ashley last night. Who knows if it’s legit. We like to think it is, if only for the fact that she tells him she’d rather read thestreet.com than his site. Burn, indeed.
Spitzer’s Girl “Kristen” Is Really Ashley Alexandra Dupre [Timothy Sykes]

What Uterus In Hell

A reader experimenting with his sadomasochistic side sent us the following two images this morning and asked, separated at birth?

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devaneyyacht1.jpgFormer* hedge fund manager John Devaney, pictured here with the yacht he had to sell several months back when United Capital Markets lost a boatload (heh) of money, threw a lavish party at the Venetian in Vegas this week for a bunch of finance guys in town for the 5th annual conference of the American Securitization Forum. No expense was spared, and JD even managed to get the Blue Man Group to perform, which was no easy feat, considering Tobias Fünke’s jam-packed schedule. Now I know what you’re thinking—isn’t it sort of crazy for a guy who had to not only sell his yacht but his helicopter, waterfront mansion in Miami and ski lodge in Aspen, as well, to spend the last of his life’s savings feting himself for being a huge loser**? Yeah, it’s kind of nuts. But it’s also indicative of what Devaney has become, which is Tim Sykes.

“As a trader, if you make money for too many years you lose sight of risk unless you get sucker- punched. In a funny way I want to thank the market for dealing me a direct hit.”

We almost expect him to add, “Which you can read about in my self-published book, An American Hedge Fund,” and then go into an apoplectic rant about how the SEC “raped” him and DealBreaker readers are plotting, so far unsuccessfully, to kill him.
We appreciate the fact that Robert Rodriquez, chief expecutive of First Pacific Advisors, was on hand to knock some sense into Devaney (and others, but mostly just Devaney), telling the crowd, “In my 38 years this has been the worst capital destruction and the worst rating decline in history. All of you should be ashamed of yourself,” we just fear it’s too late.
Creators of Credit Crisis Revel in Las Vegas [NYT]
*I know it’s not exactly accurate but it just feels so right.
** Professionally speaking of course, though you have to wonder what someone whose favorite activity is to pose in front his toys is like in his personal life.

  • 07 Feb 2008 at 1:21 PM
  • Tim Sykes

Tim Sykes Wants You To Kill Him

timothy.jpgEarly this morning, there was a fire in an Upper East Side apartment building. Luckily no one died and almost all of the injuries were minor, save for a fire fighter who was hospitalized and in “serious condition.” I hadn’t read or heard about what happened. Hedge fund manager Tim Sykes rectified that:
CilantroFP: you hear?
CilantroFP: http://www.newsday.com/news/localfire02

CilantroFP:that was my building, i almost died
CilantroFP: what would DB do then?
DBBL: wow
CilantroFP: dude it was scary
CilantroFP: no fire alarms
DBBL: that’s got to be illegal, no?
CilantroFP: they’re “under repair”
CilantroFP: waking up coughing in a smoggy room is no fun
CilantroFP:let me tell ya
CilantroFP: you still there?
CilantroFP: it was crazy!
DBBL: you think it’s a sign of what’s to come
DBBL: like, with your hedge fund?
CilantroFP: i think some angry DB reader tried to kill me
CilantroFP: is what i think
CilantroFP: but i prevailed, just like i always will
DBBL: ill let them know
CilantroFP: yeah yeah, they’re gonna have to do better than that!
DBBL: how do you think they would do it?
CilantroFP: they did do it…but they failed
CilantroFP: they just sabotaged the fire alarms
CilantroFP: but they forgot i live on low floor so my escape was quick
DBBL: no attention to detail with these guys
CilantroFP: well i like a challenge
CilantroFP: so hopefully they won’t quit trying
30 injured in Upper East Side fire [Newsday]

  • 30 Jan 2008 at 4:05 PM
  • Tim Sykes

Utter Disappointments

timsykes.jpgA few weeks ago we reprinted a compilation of Tim Sykes’s hate mail, which he’d forwarded to us completely altruistically besides for the request that we link to his website. There were many gems. Many ad hominem attacks. Many instances of out of the box type insults (my personal favorite: “If I fed you rat poisoning, how long do you think it would take for you to die?”). Then we dared you to do better. None of you did. The latest batch of hate mail is horrible. Flat out sucks. You need to carry your weight, do your duty and push Sykes down—in a strange way, the emails are like the ‘dunk the clown’ stand at the carnival, and you’re to hit the very small target that would register with this idiot and potentially sink his incongruously large ego. There was one message that stood out from the pack in that it sucked slightly less than the rest. It was pithy, and it had a numbered outline differentiating insults. The rest: step up. Those who didn’t email at all: failing grades.

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Later: More Sykes Hate Mail. Don’t act like you’re not excited.
*His reasoning re: Tim Sykes not being a household name two years ago is that his fund was too small to get press on it its own and SEC rules prevented him from acting like the media whore we know and love today.
Update: Tim contacted me to elaborate on the above:
CilantroFP (12:02:04 PM): thanks to all my media now i get interested investors all the time, but now its too late for me
DBBL (12:02:10 PM): yes
CilantroFP (12:02:17 PM): the SEC fucked me
CilantroFP (12:02:27 PM): and now i’m trying to save others from getting fucked
CilantroFP (12:02:28 PM): or raped
CilantroFP (12:02:32 PM): the SEC are rapists
CilantroFP (12:03:00 PM): and everyone’s who’s been raped by them is too scared to come forward
CilantroFP (12:03:02 PM): i’m not
DBBL (12:03:12 PM): you’re a pioneer
CilantroFP (12:03:22 PM): i just don’t think rape is ok
CilantroFP (12:03:32 PM): and its gonna continue cuz they’re a predator
CilantroFP (12:03:41 PM): they won’t change unless the victims unite
CilantroFP (12:03:55 PM): and say “its not our fault”
CilantroFP (12:03:59 PM): “its not our fault”
DBBL (12:04:03 PM): take back the night
CilantroFP (12:04:36 PM): i invite everyone to become part of the solution
CilantroFP (12:04:48 PM): TimothySykes.com is a place free from financial assualt and abuse
CilantroFP (12:06:08 PM): yeah, don’t forget to link to my site!

Lloyd Dobler.jpgA little known secret to those outside of the DealBreaker bunker (besides how we feel about Jews, though I guess that C’s out of the B now) is that on particularly low days, when Carney doesn’t have any proxy access articles to write about, and I’ve been forbidden from posting Always Been Cobbling again (not today though, so WATCH FOR IT), and there isn’t a bottle of Mike’s HL in sight, we cheer ourselves up by reading hate mail. Not our own, of course, because it’s less funny than dead on (“Dear Carney, your obvious lack of financial market acumen extends to your inability to assess your own merits. You should be strung up by your undescended testicles until you expire.” “Bess, which I don’t even think is your real name, you wouldn’t know a CDO from a hole in the ground. Read up on the former before you crack wise or jump into the latter and STFU.”), but that of an honorary member of the DB team, who turned $12,145 in Bar Mitzvah money into a pre-tax sum of just under $2 million. Often, but not always, because he’s a pretty busy guy (he’s a celebrity, you know), Sykes wades through the week’s mail, compiles a “best of” and sends it our way, free of agenda. I think I’ve decided that going forward, whenever he does this, we’ll in turn share it with you, because what the fuck, we never have any fun anymore. My only suggestion is that you read each mix tape over and over and over again (if the things really gets popular, we’ll make a recording of our favorites and release a CD) and be forwarded that it’s [sic] [sic] [sic] throughout.

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