You might have noticed, due to our lack of posts on the subject, that we couldn’t get it together to watch the second season of Wall Street Warriors. This had a lot to do with the fact that it was impossible to stuff yet another show into our already jam-packed lineup of The Wire and Larry Robbins TV (a 24 hour webcam in L-Train’s Glenview office) and a little to do with the fact that deep down inside, we couldn’t bear the idea of watching a WSW that didn’t feature hedge fund manager Tim Sykes knocking over a fan when his AUM went from twelve large to ten. But we think now that the W’s gone and Lar’s embarked on his year of silent reflection in Vienna, we could find some time to watch a bunch of Street fighters in actions. We could especially get behind watching 4-5 "warriors" day trading out of their studios whatnot if one of them was a DealBreaker reader. So don’t blow this.

Former hedge fund manager Tim Sykes to have had a conversation (Facebook wall back and forth) with Kristen/Ashley last night. Who knows if it’s legit. We like to think it is, if only for the fact that she tells him she’d rather read thestreet.com than his site. Burn, indeed.

Spitzer’s Girl “Kristen” Is Really Ashley Alexandra Dupre [Timothy Sykes]

A reader experimenting with his sadomasochistic side sent us the following two images this morning and asked, separated at birth?

Former* hedge fund manager John Devaney, pictured here with the yacht he had to sell several months back when United Capital Markets lost a boatload (heh) of money, threw a lavish party at the Venetian in Vegas this week for a bunch of finance guys in town for the 5th annual conference of the American Securitization Forum. No expense was spared, and JD even managed to get the Blue Man Group to perform, which was no easy feat, considering Tobias Fünke’s jam-packed schedule. Now I know what you’re thinking—isn’t it sort of crazy for a guy who had to not only sell his yacht but his helicopter, waterfront mansion in Miami and ski lodge in Aspen, as well, to spend the last of his life’s savings feting himself for being a huge loser**? Yeah, it’s kind of nuts. But it’s also indicative of what Devaney has become, which is Tim Sykes.

“As a trader, if you make money for too many years you lose sight of risk unless you get sucker- punched. In a funny way I want to thank the market for dealing me a direct hit."

We almost expect him to add, “Which you can read about in my self-published book, An American Hedge Fund," and then go into an apoplectic rant about how the SEC “raped” him and DealBreaker readers are plotting, so far unsuccessfully, to kill him.

We appreciate the fact that Robert Rodriquez, chief expecutive of First Pacific Advisors, was on hand to knock some sense into Devaney (and others, but mostly just Devaney), telling the crowd, “In my 38 years this has been the worst capital destruction and the worst rating decline in history. All of you should be ashamed of yourself,” we just fear it’s too late.

Creators of Credit Crisis Revel in Las Vegas [NYT]

*I know it’s not exactly accurate but it just feels so right.

** Professionally speaking of course, though you have to wonder what someone whose favorite activity is to pose in front his toys is like in his personal life.

Early this morning, there was a fire in an Upper East Side apartment building. Luckily no one died and almost all of the injuries were minor, save for a fire fighter who was hospitalized and in "serious condition." I hadn't read or heard about what happened. Hedge fund manager Tim Sykes rectified that:
CilantroFP: you hear?

CilantroFP: http://www.newsday.com/news/localfire02

CilantroFP:that was my building, i almost died

CilantroFP: what would DB do then?

DBBL: wow

CilantroFP: dude it was scary

CilantroFP: no fire alarms

DBBL: that's got to be illegal, no?

CilantroFP: they're "under repair"

CilantroFP: waking up coughing in a smoggy room is no fun

CilantroFP:let me tell ya

CilantroFP: you still there?

CilantroFP: it was crazy!

DBBL: you think it's a sign of what's to come

DBBL: like, with your hedge fund?

CilantroFP: i think some angry DB reader tried to kill me

CilantroFP: is what i think

CilantroFP: but i prevailed, just like i always will

DBBL: ill let them know

CilantroFP: yeah yeah, they're gonna have to do better than that!

DBBL: how do you think they would do it?

CilantroFP: they did do it...but they failed

CilantroFP: they just sabotaged the fire alarms

CilantroFP: but they forgot i live on low floor so my escape was quick

DBBL: no attention to detail with these guys

CilantroFP: well i like a challenge

CilantroFP: so hopefully they won't quit trying

30 injured in Upper East Side fire [Newsday]

A few weeks ago we reprinted a compilation of Tim Sykes’s hate mail, which he’d forwarded to us completely altruistically besides for the request that we link to his website. There were many gems. Many ad hominem attacks. Many instances of out of the box type insults (my personal favorite: “If I fed you rat poisoning, how long do you think it would take for you to die?”). Then we dared you to do better. None of you did. The latest batch of hate mail is horrible. Flat out sucks. You need to carry your weight, do your duty and push Sykes down—in a strange way, the emails are like the ‘dunk the clown’ stand at the carnival, and you’re to hit the very small target that would register with this idiot and potentially sink his incongruously large ego. There was one message that stood out from the pack in that it sucked slightly less than the rest. It was pithy, and it had a numbered outline differentiating insults. The rest: step up. Those who didn’t email at all: failing grades.

Later: More Sykes Hate Mail. Don’t act like you’re not excited.

*His reasoning re: Tim Sykes not being a household name two years ago is that his fund was too small to get press on it its own and SEC rules prevented him from acting like the media whore we know and love today.

Update: Tim contacted me to elaborate on the above:

CilantroFP (12:02:04 PM): thanks to all my media now i get interested investors all the time, but now its too late for me
DBBL (12:02:10 PM): yes
CilantroFP (12:02:17 PM): the SEC fucked me
CilantroFP (12:02:27 PM): and now i'm trying to save others from getting fucked
CilantroFP (12:02:28 PM): or raped
CilantroFP (12:02:32 PM): the SEC are rapists
CilantroFP (12:03:00 PM): and everyone's who's been raped by them is too scared to come forward
CilantroFP (12:03:02 PM): i'm not
DBBL (12:03:12 PM): you're a pioneer
CilantroFP (12:03:22 PM): i just don't think rape is ok
CilantroFP (12:03:32 PM): and its gonna continue cuz they're a predator
CilantroFP (12:03:41 PM): they won't change unless the victims unite
CilantroFP (12:03:55 PM): and say "its not our fault"
CilantroFP (12:03:59 PM): "its not our fault"
DBBL (12:04:03 PM): take back the night
CilantroFP (12:04:36 PM): i invite everyone to become part of the solution
CilantroFP (12:04:48 PM): TimothySykes.com is a place free from financial assualt and abuse
CilantroFP (12:06:08 PM): yeah, don't forget to link to my site!

A little known secret to those outside of the DealBreaker bunker (besides how we feel about Jews, though I guess that C’s out of the B now) is that on particularly low days, when Carney doesn’t have any proxy access articles to write about, and I’ve been forbidden from posting Always Been Cobbling again (not today though, so WATCH FOR IT), and there isn’t a bottle of Mike’s HL in sight, we cheer ourselves up by reading hate mail. Not our own, of course, because it’s less funny than dead on (“Dear Carney, your obvious lack of financial market acumen extends to your inability to assess your own merits. You should be strung up by your undescended testicles until you expire.” “Bess, which I don’t even think is your real name, you wouldn't know a CDO from a hole in the ground. Read up on the former before you crack wise or jump into the latter and STFU.”), but that of an honorary member of the DB team, who turned $12,145 in Bar Mitzvah money into a pre-tax sum of just under $2 million. Often, but not always, because he’s a pretty busy guy (he’s a celebrity, you know), Sykes wades through the week’s mail, compiles a “best of” and sends it our way, free of agenda. I think I’ve decided that going forward, whenever he does this, we’ll in turn share it with you, because what the fuck, we never have any fun anymore. My only suggestion is that you read each mix tape over and over and over again (if the things really gets popular, we’ll make a recording of our favorites and release a CD) and be forwarded that it’s [sic] [sic] [sic] throughout.

You know how we said the other day that we’re starting to love Fox Business because of the so-horrifically-bad-it’s-good thing it’s got going on? Yeah, that’s not what’s happening here.

Tim Sykes's new "hedge fund," Transparent Investment Management, lost $28 dollars yesterday, and is up $1,635 (13.71 percent) to $14,050 since its inception, nine days ago. TIM's founder Tim would also like to you to note that he's devoting fifteen hours a day to the market, another 4 to answering e-mails, and the remaining five to "miscellaneous pursuits," which he would like you to identify below.

Furthermore: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCprlfJ2Mzc

Hey guys,

We realize this is kind of last minute, not very well thought out, and a lot to ask of the 20% of you who are still employed and have more important things to do today, but you've always said that if we ever found ourselves in trouble and had nowhere else to turn, we could come to you. Well, we're coming to you—we want to rehire this kid Heath Khan (no relation to Genghis) who used to work here but don't have the money (maybe if more of you had clicked on the Mike's ads, we wouldn't be in this situation). Can someone float us the funds? If we get enough page views with Heath back on the team, there's a chance we'll even be able to pay you back in cash at some point in the future, or you could take some equity in the company now. What do you say? Know what we say? Kidding! No one named Heath ever worked here. Little ‘trick’ for you, in honor of the day. Okay, but let's talk seriously for a second-- we really do have a friend who needs your help/charity. His name is Tim and he's in a major jam. Kid has no clue what to be for Halloween. We know you've got ideas for him. The only stipulation is that it doesn't cost too much, because he doesn't currently have a source if income, per se. It won't be hard to top last year's costume, which was apparently a lumberjack (this was just before Wall Street Warriors became a hit, you see, so the pressure wasn't really on him to think up something great), but that doesn't mean you shouldn't reach for the stars. We've come up with a few jumping off points, from which you can either pick one and say "Hey, great, and this is how you execute it, Tim" or come up with your own.

A hedge fund manager (he’s always wanted to be one, and Halloween is a holiday of aspiration)

Brian Hunter

Neil Cavuto (they’ve got the same hair)

Lolcat Ben Bernanke: I'z up in yer marketz, cutting yer inflation. (That was John’s idea)

A person who’s going to buy his book (so this might just require his regular street clothes, I don’t know)

Max Cordero

Several death threats have even been sent to Timothy’s EliteTrader account and Trader Monthly magazine has come out in support of these disgruntled traders. In fact, Trader Monthly’s president told us that Tim is “a burnt out trader with no practical skill.” When Hedge Funnies asked why he should be put to death for this fact he told us that Sykes “was very, very disrespectful to his mother on national TV and even referred to his own religious views with negative connotations! Is this someone who deserves to be attending Trader Monthly parties? No. In fact, we believe that he shouldn’t even be breathing.”

Tim Sykes makes a startling announcement [Hedge Funnies]

Is there a better to herald in Black Monday than with a Tim Sykes cover story? ‘Young Money’ says ‘No.’ The magazine’s October/November issue, which hits newsstands next week but is available online today, carries an almost-1,000 word feature on America’s most famous Bar-Mitzvah boy. It is spectacular, and almost makes you think that were there to be a crash this week like the one back in 1987, the market could be rallied up to a 52 week-high by Tim Sykes alone, in matter of three days (Sykes has confirmed to DealBreaker that he is indeed capable of such a feat, though he referred to it as “just a typical day at the office”). The piece has it all, including a lede, which is this: “Timothy Sykes is no gardener, but he's an expert on hedges ¬- hedge fund investments that is.” Plus predictions (see if you can guess which one we made up but Tim has probably said before): "[The term] ‘hedge fund’ will soon be a buzz word,” "In five to ten years everyone will know what a hedge fund is,” "In ten to fifteen years, I'll be able to stop blowing myself because Stevie Cohen will be doing it for me." A definition: “In [Sykes’s] words [a hedge fund is]: a legal structure that allows you to invest in anything.” Rounding up: “In five year's time, Sykes saw profits of approximately $2 million.” Hilarity: “Sykes said he likes to think of himself as a bit of a ‘financial cowboy,’ opening up the stock market frontier for anyone who wants to explore it.” (Sykes also told DB in a follow-up IM that: CilantroFP: i feel like i'm the nxt joel Osteen CilantroFP: spreading the gospel everywhere.) Delusions of grandeur: "Everyone on Wall Street knows me now." And spin: "Losing makes me wiser.”

Wall Street’s Bad Boy [Young Money]

On business being fun:

"Business is fun. Business is awesome," said Sykes, who brought female models onto CNBC in April to hold up stock charts during a contest show.

On giving credit where credit’s due:

"I would like to thank the thousands of inept corporate management teams, shady brokers, boiler rooms, pump and dumpers, stock promoters, market manipulators, wannabe traders, newsletter writers and Internet message board posters — for your endless scheming and undying greed, without which my fortune would never have been possible."

On his life’s work:

” "I want to provide education and clarity about business and trading, especially to young people," said Sykes, who cited a recent study that showed 700,000 college students are involved in day trading.

"There are so many people doing this, and they need inspiration."

On what’s wrong with the SEC and why he didn’t make any money:

Sykes also plans to become an advocate for regulatory change. The SEC doesn’t allow hedge funds to advertise and doesn’t allow anyone with a net worth below $1 million to invest in hedge funds, ostensibly to protect investors from the higher-risk levels carried by hedge funds.

Sykes said those rules prevented him from raising enough money to grow his fund to a significant size.

Sykes said the main problem is that the SEC is underfunded and therefore is forced to regulate the industry in a pre-emptive manner, rather than punishing wrongdoers when they are caught.

"The way to police the markets is not to force everyone to be secretive, it’s to fund the SEC to the extent they can fine people for misleading press releases and other abuses," Sykes said.

"If you’re willing to take the risks, you should be allowed to make the investment. We need to take the fear out of the industry."

On why he's self-publishing "An American Hedge Fund":

He...realiz[ed] he could make far more profit per book on his own.

Hedge fund investor turns hand to publishing [New Haven Register]

Do you feel that? A lessening in the strength of the evil being the surrounds us all and plagues this website with unfortunate regularity? That’s because, and this is basically just a formality at this point, hedge fund manager (and self-described) guru Tim Sykes has officially shuttered his day trading operation, Cilantro Fund Partners, LP, the one-man act he started in a Tulane dorm room in March 2003.

Many of you will likely feel conflicted about this news. On the one hand, you might say it is Sykes’s way of finally acknowledging the fact that he is a failure. That he has no place in the trading world. That his Bloomberg account finally expired, etc. On the other hand, it means that he will now be able to devote his entire existence to full-on media whoredom, without little things like the executing of trades getting in his way. Regardless, tears, whether or joy or sadness, will be shed. For those of you wondering if Tim will be changing his screen name, currently CilantroFP, to something more appropriate, given his new employment status, the answer is that he has not yet decided, but would like DealBreaker readers to offer any suggestions they might have.

Full “press-release,” in which Sykes fails to give us an update on where things lie with his invitation to next year’s Trader Monthly “30 Under 30” party, after the jump.

Tim Sykes has chosen to respond to Trader Monthly’s response from earlier today, re: them not letting him come to their party. We have nothing else to add. Let’s just all stand back and let the two parties destroy each other, like the Sunnis and Shiites, Betty and Veronica. That’s what you want anyway, isn’t it?

a. You didn't behave like a responsible member of the financial community

In what way? Or do you mean I should wear suits all the time, hide any sign that I have a personality, sugarcoat everything I say, act confident at all times, never talk to industry outsiders and live a superficial and ultimately meaningless life? If so, then you are 100% correct.

b. You felt no remorse at losing people's money

This is horrifically untrue. Losing money for the first time in my life has been very difficult to deal with. If you had read the complimentary copy of ‘An American Hedge Fund’ I sent to you, you’d see that my relationships with many friends and family members have been greatly damaged by my fund’s losses. In short, these losses have changed my life.

c. Other traders didn't want you at the party

I get 50-100 emails/day from traders and non-traders alike, telling me how my story inspires them, but you can’t please everybody!

d. You called yourself a "cheap Jew" on episode of wall street warriors

You’re actually gonna try and play this card—are you that desperate to try to find a legitimate reason for banning me from your ‘trader community’? Yes, I do believe I called myself this because I believe in self-deprecating humor. Somehow I think ‘Borat’s’ $260mm worldwide gross kinda makes this statement null and void.

The one episode I said this in has now aired over 200 times, was it your first time watching it over the weekend when you flip-flopped allowing me to your party and then changing your mind?

_________________________________________
What’s particularly revealing is that none of these ‘reasons for turning on a fellow trader’ were even mentioned in Randall’s email to me. Sounds like ‘Traitor Monthly’ is scrambling around, trying to justify stabbing a trader in the back.

Here’s a friendly tip, for better or worse, my book is brutally honest, why don’t you read it and then use ACTUAL FACTS against me. That way you’ll find some much better reasons to expel me from your community.

A representative from the “Trader Monthly” community just called to let us know that Tim Sykes was disinvited from the mag’s Tuesday night party for reasons greater than “the pink bathrobe.” They include the fact that:

a. Tim doesn’t behave like a responsible member of the financial community.

b. He showed no remorse for losing other people’s money (TM cited an e-mail from Cilantro in which the fund’s manager noted, “At least I didn’t lose double digits this month,” which Global Alpha only wishes it could say to investors).

c. Other traders didn’t want Tim at the party.

d. On this episode of Wall Street Warriors, Sykes refers to himself as a “cheap Jew.”

If Tim promises to atone for his self-loathing comments tomorrow, TM will consider allowing him to attend next year’s celebration. In other news, we’re told that Zach Michaelson was also banned from the party, and resorted similarly unsuccessful begging tactics, as well. E-mail exchanges (should they exist) TK.

Earlier: ‘Trader Monthly’ Will Not Have Its Reputation Tainted By Tim Sykes (Zach Michaelson, Sure)

The row over “Trader Monthly” disinviting Tim Sykes to this year’s “30 Under 30” party is so fantastically petty and stupid we can hardly keep our legs crossed. Basically, the week before Tuesday's awesome soiree at Gold St.—and make no mistake, it was awesome, if you’re into the B&T crowd—a VP from the magazine emailed Tim to say that while he could not bring a camera crew from MSN with him (which had previously been tentatively approved), he was still welcome, on his own. This was last Friday. On Monday, young Sykes received a second email, informing him that actually, he couldn’t come, either.

When Tim called “Trader Monthly”—which he now refers to as “Traitor Monthly”—to press the matter, he was told that the reason his presence was no longer necessary was that he’d made a mockery of the magazine after he was named as one of 2006’s top thirty traders under thirty. How was the mockery made? By “wearing a pink bathrobe” while executing trades during this episode of Wall Street Warriors (Ed. Note: uh, let’s get our facts straight, people: it was royal blue) and “showing up drunk to interviews.” Possible color blindness issues aside, these were two points that Timmy could not argue. Obviously, a stalemate had been reached.

So Timmy decided to take it up with the VP’s boss, Randall Lane, Editor-in-Chief of the magazine. After sending what he describes as “at least ten emails,” Sykes finally got a response. A dialogue ensued. Tim made the following points, in an effort to be allowed to attend:

1. He’d already told his friends he’d be going. They were all going to meet there and then go out after. Did “Trader” really want to force him to break these plans?

2. He wouldn’t bring cameras. He’d try to keep his inner media-whore in check. (But a harlot’s a harlot, so he made no promises, just said that he’d try.)

3. He had two girls lined up to come with, and they’d bought new dresses and everything.

4. CNBC and Penthouse believe in him.

5. This isn’t fair.

"Trader Monthly" countered with:

1. You are a “self-promoter.”

2. The pope is Catholic.

3. Your results for last year were “laughably horrid.”

4. a. Your circus-freak behavior made a mockery of us, a legit publication.

b. Nobody makes a mockery of “Trader Monthly” but “Trader Monthly.”

c. Except maybe Zach Michaelson.

d. And a yet to-be-named top “30 Under 30” trader from 2008’s list.

But, really, you have to read the e-mails for yourself, courtesy of TM, which reprinted them on its website this morning. Enjoy, after the jump.

[please click for the non-embeddable--but somewhat worth it--video]

Don't Drink and Trade [MSN]

In its annual “30 under 30” issue, out August 28, Trader Monthly compares Tim Sykes to Ryan Leaf. Here’s what the trader/author/attention-seeker extraordinaire had to say about it:

DBBess: So…Ryan Leaf?

Mitzvah$$$: LOL

Mitzvah$$$: u know who he is, right?

DBBess: I’m familiar…how does the comparison make you feel?

Mitzvah$$$: I love it

Mitzvah$$$: are you kidding?

Mitzvah$$$: it's gonna be soo much fun to rub that comment in their faces for the next decade

Ryan Leaf-- fair, outlandish, understating just how much Sykes is a sensation-become-flop or spot-on? You tell us.