Wall Street Warriors

  • 15 Apr 2008 at 4:43 PM
  • Tim Sykes

Your Employer Will Have No Problem With This

tim.jpgYou might have noticed, due to our lack of posts on the subject, that we couldn’t get it together to watch the second season of Wall Street Warriors. This had a lot to do with the fact that it was impossible to stuff yet another show into our already jam-packed lineup of The Wire and Larry Robbins TV (a 24 hour webcam in L-Train’s Glenview office) and a little to do with the fact that deep down inside, we couldn’t bear the idea of watching a WSW that didn’t feature hedge fund manager Tim Sykes knocking over a fan when his AUM went from twelve large to ten. But we think now that the W’s gone and Lar’s embarked on his year of silent reflection in Vienna, we could find some time to watch a bunch of Street fighters in actions. We could especially get behind watching 4-5 “warriors” day trading out of their studios whatnot if one of them was a DealBreaker reader. So don’t blow this.

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  • 16 Mar 2007 at 1:28 PM
  • CNBC

Tim Sykes Trades, Writes, Splits Airtime With John Carney

tim.jpg
It’s been a whopping four days since we’ve mentioned Tim Sykes and it goes without saying that everyone’s jonesing for a hit. So we shot an email over to INHD’s biggest star to ask what was a poppin’ and his reply was a curt, “Not much.” This dismissive email obviously got our blood boiling and were about to respond with, “We will destroy you,”—reality factors little into our day to day lives, delusion highly—when Timmy fired a longer, more acceptable missive into our box.
“Sorry,” he wrote, “I was just editing my Wikipedia page. Anyway, get your DVR ready, I’m on CNBC tonight for an entire hour this time, discussing my picks with their celebrity guest Willie Garson…Also check out my new site: http://www.timothysykes.com.
I have all my dealbreaker articles up there and I put my entire financial library on the site so people would stop asking me what books to read. I think I should also probably start selling Timmayy! t-shirts.”
First of all—probably? The word is “definitely,” Timmy, and you know that just as well as we do. Secondly: Do you people comprehend the tide-shifting event that’s about to occur in T-8 hours? Tim Sykes and John Carney: on CNBC at the same time. Just the other day we were remarking, “We don’t want to live in a world in which television shows featuring Hedge Fund Guru Tim Sykes and John Carney, Esq. don’t exist” and, tada! DVR-worthy, indeed. It goes without saying that we’ll be doing a recap of the whole thing on Monday with Celeb Trader/Commentator/Arch-nemesis Stephen Collins. (Something about keeping your enemies closer…and bringing the Dealbreaker community one step closer to Jessica Biel, who apparently has a rather impressive portfolio).
Also, Tim recommends that you read Jim Cramer’s You Got Screwed!, and shares that he is “currently working on a book that promises to enlighten the world about the greatly misunderstood hedge fund industry.” We don’t remember asking for a tell-all Re: Stevie Cohen’s turbulent and all too brief tenure as a member of Hell’s Angels but, apparently, we’re going to get it. Excerpts TK.
(Apropos, a bit of housekeeping: INHD is currently casting season 2. Interested? Get in touch with us, we’ll get you in touch with them, and in a few short months, you could following in the footsteps of this guy. Once in a lifetime opportunity, as they say.)

  • 12 Mar 2007 at 11:52 AM
  • CNBC

Making $, The Sykes Way

syke!.jpgCNBC.com is in the midst of running its Million Dollar Portfolio Challenge, which is pretty much exactly what it sounds like. Since the gargantuan sum of one million dollars is at stake, the business news channel brought in a couple of experts to offer some advice on how best to play the game. As this wasn’t a segment for Closing Bell, Sandy Weill turned out to be unavailable for consultation but know who they did manage to wrangle over to Englewood Cliffs? That’s right, Timothy P. Sykes, founder of Cilantro Fund Partners and the original Wall Street Warrior! Plus some other guy (JJ Burns, JJ Burns & Company president), who wants you to know this contest is “all about the ‘mo,’ the ‘mo’ in ‘momentum’.” Really. Timmy counseled contestants to put all their money in one or two stocks, play the odds, and buy in front of the news. He also likes Six Flags, and speaking with inflections that might be best punctuated by kicking a piece of furniture, were one available, which it wasn’t. No matter. Apparently Mr. Sykes did well enough that CNBC’s asked him to be an official commentator for the stock challenge, and will be appearing every Friday night for the next several weeks, making him, in some circles, a bit of a celebrity. Somewhere, Christian Slater just popped one of his last remaining blood vessels and he doesn’t even know why.
Sykes on CNBC part I [CNBC.com]
Sykes on CNBC part II [CNBC.com]
Wall Street Warriors!

Explaining The Markets, With Tim Sykes

sykes.jpgWhen it rains, it pours, as they say. Yesterday we treated you to a little update on everyone’s favorite Wall Street Warrior, Tim Sykes. Today, he was good enough to offer us some insight on The Dow, Punxsutawney Phil, and his friend/housekeeper’s feelings on the scrutiny the media’s placed him—the housekeeper—under, of late.
Let’s talk about yesterday. What are your thoughts?
Who cares! Its a small percentage move in the overall scheme of things and we’ve been long overdue for a correction. Hopefully this puts back some fear into the marketplace because everybody has gotten used to stocks moving gradually higher over the past few years.
The character Dow 道 (or Tao, depending on the Romanization scheme) means “path” or “way”, but in Chinese religion and philosophy it has taken on more abstract meanings. Explain.
In Taoism, one cannot force their destiny, they must be receptive to the path laid before them. The Dow is the Tao of our country as we look to it as a guide to the overall health of our economy. While this is somewhat of a ridiculous notion since there is no way to tell exactly how long the Dow lags the economy or vice versa, it has become an overarching symbol rather than an exact indicator, much like the famous groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil.
Yesterday, everybody became very nervous very quickly because our economic groundhog saw a rather large shadow and scared everybody into believing that we are due for an economic winter. AKA recession. I believe it to be a little less than accurate than Mr. Phil.
How did the events of yesterday affect your live-in help?
My roommate is tired of getting shit on by the press that has inexplicably decided to focus on that part of my story probably because I have not done anything significant lately to warrant all this most recent round of attention. This should all change once the book that I am currently working on is published and blows the water out of people’s perception about the hedge fund industry.
P.S. My roommate has no comment [of his own] regarding yesterday’s market drop.
Do you think you’ve got what it takes to rally the Dow on pure Tim Sykes Juice (TM) alone?
No, all the juice and the Jews in the world are not enough to keep this super tanker from well, tanking. This will either be the beginning of a short drop, an extended drop, or some sideways action which would inevitably then lead to either a short drop, an extended drop, or a short pop or an extended drop. whether it is a short drop, an extended drop, or a short pop or an extended drop, that will surely lead to more sideways action before leading to either a short drop, an extended drop, or a short pop or an extended drop.
I hope you understand my sarcasm in that really anything can happen because it is overwhelmingly impossible to predict with any definitive accuracy if this is just a blip or a major change in direction for the nation’s economic Punxsutawney Phil.
Wanda or Plum?
Crazy Eyes Killa.
Earlier: Tim Sykes Has The Gargantuan Cojones To Ask His Friends To Clean His Dirty Underwear (And That’s Not Necessarily A Bad Thing)

christianslater.jpgJust the other day we were thinking, “We wonder what that Tim Sykes fellow, paragon of modesty and restraint, is up to right now?” Since we knew many of you were thinking that too, we decided to check in with the debatably wunderkindish short-seller, who was more than happy to point us in the direction of a recent interview with Joe Concha of realhoboken.com: Hoboken’s Premier Online Magazine. (Don’t scoff—it’s just a quick Path ride away and considered by some to be the sixth borough of New York! Or the seventh, if you bought the Times’s story about a city 90 minutes south of New York). It was an long, dirty, and arduous task traversing the article but we did it– for you (and because apparently, given enough of Carney’s painkillers, we’ll do anything. Plus, we figured that if CNBC’s going to declare this “We’ve Had It With Legit Reporting Week,” we might as well get on board).** Here are our findings:
1.Sykes isn’t just a short-seller. He’s a “Hedge Fund Guru.”
2.Sykes-y-boy may or may not be two steps away from having rape charges brought against him by a lying hooker out for money.

The fairly recent Tulane graduate is to Wall Street what Kobe Bryant was to basketball when he broke into the league right out of High School.

3. He knows the true value of friendship: Eggplant Parmigiana Wednesdays and thrice-weekly toilet scrubs. And French maid uniforms when the occasion calls for it.

Concha: Tell me about the hired help for your apartment.
Sykes: He’s a friend, a protégé. He doesn’t really have the money to afford rent in a West Village apartment, so he makes up for it with the cleaning and cooking.

**JK. JK, we’re serious. But our love for you, Jonathan, is unflappable. You (or someone 18 rungs below you) hired us as an intern on the McEnroe Show in the summer of ’04 and that’s got to count for something–look where we are now!

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Give Us Tim Sykes Or Give Us Death

WallStreetWarriors.jpg

From: Scott Gill
Sent: Mon 2/12/2007 5:12 PM
To: tips-db
Subject: DealBreaker Tip
Hi DealMaker [sic] (Bess in particular),
This is the (infamous) director/producer of WALL STREET WARRIORS. Love reading your reviews. Guess what… we’re doing another season! This one is going to be much bigger and better then the last! Excited?
We’ve started casting. Any chance you’d announce on your site (and feel free to make fun of) that we are looking for new characters for the next season of WALL STREET WARRIORS.
We’re looking for people who can:
(A) fit the “Wall Street Warrior” label (but can also be struggling newcomers)
(B) have compelling stories that unfold over 2007
(C) can give us access to both their work and personal life
It’s a tall order. Anyone interested should email:
wswcast@hotmail.com
If you need more info let me know.
Thanks!
Scott
Scott J. Gill
Producer WALL STREET WARRIORS
Radius Productions, Inc.

Earlier: WSW, season 1, etc.

Wall Street Warriors, Episode 6: Postmortem

christianslater.jpgI’m feeling frisky today and I think we all know why: numero seis marks the final episode of Wall Street Warriors, and my residence in the fiery depths of hell (just kidding, you know Jews don’t go to hell, but bless your heart for thinking otherwise). If that last statement came off as indication that I have unflattering thoughts about the series, let me clarify: while I may have lingering feelings about the unparalleled bathos that was episode five, episode six was an absolute delight to the senses. (Did this have to do with the fact that, subconsciously, I knew every WSW moment—cue intro replete with portentous music and tickertape, “Street Talk,” etc, etc—would be the “last intro replete with portentous music and tickertape,” the “last Street Talk,” the “last etc, etc”? Questions best left unanswered). But really, let’s talk seriously for a second—episode six wasn’t that bad. (Last aside: is it just me or does it feel like I haven’t been able to say something like that since the Algonquins had a fair shake in the 48 contiguous states? Or Jeffrey Epstein had a pure thought about a fifteen year-old girl? Or episode four?). A bunch of new characters are introduced; Sandy Navidi meets with a man in a seersucker suit; Tim Sykes “makes a million dollars” and, later, kicks a fan, as is apparently de rigueur with the Wall Street-reality TV star set. Those are the highlights, let’s get down to the nitty gritty genius mediocrity show that is episode 6 (why do we hurt the ones we love most?).

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Wall Street Warriors, Episode 5: Postmortem

christianslater.jpgClairvoyance can be all fun and games but lest we run wild with our powers (“I knew you were going to say that!”), it’s important to remember that it often comes at a cost. During last week’s fireside chat per Episode 4, I wondered aloud, “How the producers are going to keep you and I hooked for the rest of the season after shooting their wad on this one, I have no idea but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.” Friends—that bridge is upon us. Episode five—what can I say? It was okay; but it doesn’t hold a candle to episode four. Godfather I versus III, if you catch my drift. (Or Douglas as Gordon Gekko versus Douglas as Steve Tobias, if you’re more comfortable with that analogy and I have a hunch many of you are). Watched E4 on Sunday, as usual, and have been sitting on this run-down ever since. Do it? Don’t do it? Five little words—one ghastly dilemma. I put off dealing with it for a while—as people who embrace the ‘ignore the problem and it’ll go away’ tactic are wont to do—but something from deep inside has been saying “Do episode 5, Bess. Do it now,” since I woke up this morning (but conceivably that could be last night’s bad Chinese talking). Despite its suspicious provenance, despite—nay, because of—the questionable spring rolls, I’ve decided, “I WILL do this, and now.” Also, because Tim Sykes says, “I feel it’s my duty to be the Godfather of throwing parties.”

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