You might have noticed, due to our lack of posts on the subject, that we couldn’t get it together to watch the second season of Wall Street Warriors. This had a lot to do with the fact that it was impossible to stuff yet another show into our already jam-packed lineup of The Wire and Larry Robbins TV (a 24 hour webcam in L-Train’s Glenview office) and a little to do with the fact that deep down inside, we couldn’t bear the idea of watching a WSW that didn’t feature hedge fund manager Tim Sykes knocking over a fan when his AUM went from twelve large to ten. But we think now that the W’s gone and Lar’s embarked on his year of silent reflection in Vienna, we could find some time to watch a bunch of Street fighters in actions. We could especially get behind watching 4-5 "warriors" day trading out of their studios whatnot if one of them was a DealBreaker reader. So don’t blow this.

It’s been a whopping four days since we’ve mentioned Tim Sykes and it goes without saying that everyone’s jonesing for a hit. So we shot an email over to INHD’s biggest star to ask what was a poppin’ and his reply was a curt, “Not much.” This dismissive email obviously got our blood boiling and were about to respond with, “We will destroy you,”—reality factors little into our day to day lives, delusion highly—when Timmy fired a longer, more acceptable missive into our box.

“Sorry,” he wrote, “I was just editing my Wikipedia page. Anyway, get your DVR ready, I’m on CNBC tonight for an entire hour this time, discussing my picks with their celebrity guest Willie Garson…Also check out my new site: http://www.timothysykes.com.

I have all my dealbreaker articles up there and I put my entire financial library on the site so people would stop asking me what books to read. I think I should also probably start selling Timmayy! t-shirts.”

First of all—probably? The word is “definitely,” Timmy, and you know that just as well as we do. Secondly: Do you people comprehend the tide-shifting event that’s about to occur in T-8 hours? Tim Sykes and John Carney: on CNBC at the same time. Just the other day we were remarking, “We don’t want to live in a world in which television shows featuring Hedge Fund Guru Tim Sykes and John Carney, Esq. don’t exist” and, tada! DVR-worthy, indeed. It goes without saying that we’ll be doing a recap of the whole thing on Monday with Celeb Trader/Commentator/Arch-nemesis Stephen Collins. (Something about keeping your enemies closer…and bringing the Dealbreaker community one step closer to Jessica Biel, who apparently has a rather impressive portfolio).

Also, Tim recommends that you read Jim Cramer’s You Got Screwed!, and shares that he is “currently working on a book that promises to enlighten the world about the greatly misunderstood hedge fund industry.” We don't remember asking for a tell-all Re: Stevie Cohen's turbulent and all too brief tenure as a member of Hell's Angels but, apparently, we're going to get it. Excerpts TK.

(Apropos, a bit of housekeeping: INHD is currently casting season 2. Interested? Get in touch with us, we'll get you in touch with them, and in a few short months, you could following in the footsteps of this guy. Once in a lifetime opportunity, as they say.)

CNBC.com is in the midst of running its Million Dollar Portfolio Challenge, which is pretty much exactly what it sounds like. Since the gargantuan sum of one million dollars is at stake, the business news channel brought in a couple of experts to offer some advice on how best to play the game. As this wasn’t a segment for Closing Bell, Sandy Weill turned out to be unavailable for consultation but know who they did manage to wrangle over to Englewood Cliffs? That’s right, Timothy P. Sykes, founder of Cilantro Fund Partners and the original Wall Street Warrior! Plus some other guy (JJ Burns, JJ Burns & Company president), who wants you to know this contest is “all about the ‘mo,’ the ‘mo’ in ‘momentum’.” Really. Timmy counseled contestants to put all their money in one or two stocks, play the odds, and buy in front of the news. He also likes Six Flags, and speaking with inflections that might be best punctuated by kicking a piece of furniture, were one available, which it wasn't. No matter. Apparently Mr. Sykes did well enough that CNBC’s asked him to be an official commentator for the stock challenge, and will be appearing every Friday night for the next several weeks, making him, in some circles, a bit of a celebrity. Somewhere, Christian Slater just popped one of his last remaining blood vessels and he doesn’t even know why.

Sykes on CNBC part I [CNBC.com]
Sykes on CNBC part II [CNBC.com]
Wall Street Warriors!

When it rains, it pours, as they say. Yesterday we treated you to a little update on everyone’s favorite Wall Street Warrior, Tim Sykes. Today, he was good enough to offer us some insight on The Dow, Punxsutawney Phil, and his friend/housekeeper’s feelings on the scrutiny the media’s placed him—the housekeeper—under, of late.

Let’s talk about yesterday. What are your thoughts?
Who cares! Its a small percentage move in the overall scheme of things and we've been long overdue for a correction. Hopefully this puts back some fear into the marketplace because everybody has gotten used to stocks moving gradually higher over the past few years.

The character Dow 道 (or Tao, depending on the Romanization scheme) means "path" or "way", but in Chinese religion and philosophy it has taken on more abstract meanings. Explain.
In Taoism, one cannot force their destiny, they must be receptive to the path laid before them. The Dow is the Tao of our country as we look to it as a guide to the overall health of our economy. While this is somewhat of a ridiculous notion since there is no way to tell exactly how long the Dow lags the economy or vice versa, it has become an overarching symbol rather than an exact indicator, much like the famous groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil.

Yesterday, everybody became very nervous very quickly because our economic groundhog saw a rather large shadow and scared everybody into believing that we are due for an economic winter. AKA recession. I believe it to be a little less than accurate than Mr. Phil.

How did the events of yesterday affect your live-in help?
My roommate is tired of getting shit on by the press that has inexplicably decided to focus on that part of my story probably because I have not done anything significant lately to warrant all this most recent round of attention. This should all change once the book that I am currently working on is published and blows the water out of people's perception about the hedge fund industry.

P.S. My roommate has no comment [of his own] regarding yesterday's market drop.

Do you think you've got what it takes to rally the Dow on pure Tim Sykes Juice (TM) alone?
No, all the juice and the Jews in the world are not enough to keep this super tanker from well, tanking. This will either be the beginning of a short drop, an extended drop, or some sideways action which would inevitably then lead to either a short drop, an extended drop, or a short pop or an extended drop. whether it is a short drop, an extended drop, or a short pop or an extended drop, that will surely lead to more sideways action before leading to either a short drop, an extended drop, or a short pop or an extended drop.

I hope you understand my sarcasm in that really anything can happen because it is overwhelmingly impossible to predict with any definitive accuracy if this is just a blip or a major change in direction for the nation's economic Punxsutawney Phil.

Wanda or Plum?
Crazy Eyes Killa.

Earlier: Tim Sykes Has The Gargantuan Cojones To Ask His Friends To Clean His Dirty Underwear (And That's Not Necessarily A Bad Thing)

Just the other day we were thinking, “We wonder what that Tim Sykes fellow, paragon of modesty and restraint, is up to right now?” Since we knew many of you were thinking that too, we decided to check in with the debatably wunderkindish short-seller, who was more than happy to point us in the direction of a recent interview with Joe Concha of realhoboken.com: Hoboken’s Premier Online Magazine. (Don’t scoff—it’s just a quick Path ride away and considered by some to be the sixth borough of New York! Or the seventh, if you bought the Times’s story about a city 90 minutes south of New York). It was an long, dirty, and arduous task traversing the article but we did it-- for you (and because apparently, given enough of Carney's painkillers, we'll do anything. Plus, we figured that if CNBC's going to declare this "We've Had It With Legit Reporting Week," we might as well get on board).** Here are our findings:

1.Sykes isn’t just a short-seller. He’s a “Hedge Fund Guru.”

2.Sykes-y-boy may or may not be two steps away from having rape charges brought against him by a lying hooker out for money.

The fairly recent Tulane graduate is to Wall Street what Kobe Bryant was to basketball when he broke into the league right out of High School.

3. He knows the true value of friendship: Eggplant Parmigiana Wednesdays and thrice-weekly toilet scrubs. And French maid uniforms when the occasion calls for it.

Concha: Tell me about the hired help for your apartment.

Sykes: He’s a friend, a protégé. He doesn’t really have the money to afford rent in a West Village apartment, so he makes up for it with the cleaning and cooking.

**JK. JK, we're serious. But our love for you, Jonathan, is unflappable. You (or someone 18 rungs below you) hired us as an intern on the McEnroe Show in the summer of '04 and that's got to count for something--look where we are now!

From: Scott Gill

Sent: Mon 2/12/2007 5:12 PM

To: tips-db

Subject: DealBreaker Tip

Hi DealMaker [sic] (Bess in particular),

This is the (infamous) director/producer of WALL STREET WARRIORS. Love reading your reviews. Guess what... we're doing another season! This one is going to be much bigger and better then the last! Excited?

We've started casting. Any chance you'd announce on your site (and feel free to make fun of) that we are looking for new characters for the next season of WALL STREET WARRIORS.

We're looking for people who can:

(A) fit the "Wall Street Warrior" label (but can also be struggling newcomers)
(B) have compelling stories that unfold over 2007
(C) can give us access to both their work and personal life

It's a tall order. Anyone interested should email:

wswcast@hotmail.com

If you need more info let me know.

Thanks!
Scott

Scott J. Gill
Producer WALL STREET WARRIORS
Radius Productions, Inc.

Earlier: WSW, season 1, etc.

I'm feeling frisky today and I think we all know why: numero seis marks the final episode of Wall Street Warriors, and my residence in the fiery depths of hell (just kidding, you know Jews don't go to hell, but bless your heart for thinking otherwise). If that last statement came off as indication that I have unflattering thoughts about the series, let me clarify: while I may have lingering feelings about the unparalleled bathos that was episode five, episode six was an absolute delight to the senses. (Did this have to do with the fact that, subconsciously, I knew every WSW moment—cue intro replete with portentous music and tickertape, "Street Talk," etc, etc—would be the "last intro replete with portentous music and tickertape," the "last Street Talk," the "last etc, etc"? Questions best left unanswered). But really, let's talk seriously for a second—episode six wasn't that bad. (Last aside: is it just me or does it feel like I haven't been able to say something like that since the Algonquins had a fair shake in the 48 contiguous states? Or Jeffrey Epstein had a pure thought about a fifteen year-old girl? Or episode four?). A bunch of new characters are introduced; Sandy Navidi meets with a man in a seersucker suit; Tim Sykes "makes a million dollars" and, later, kicks a fan, as is apparently de rigueur with the Wall Street-reality TV star set. Those are the highlights, let's get down to the nitty gritty genius mediocrity show that is episode 6 (why do we hurt the ones we love most?).

Clairvoyance can be all fun and games but lest we run wild with our powers (“I knew you were going to say that!”), it’s important to remember that it often comes at a cost. During last week’s fireside chat per Episode 4, I wondered aloud, “How the producers are going to keep you and I hooked for the rest of the season after shooting their wad on this one, I have no idea but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.” Friends—that bridge is upon us. Episode five—what can I say? It was okay; but it doesn’t hold a candle to episode four. Godfather I versus III, if you catch my drift. (Or Douglas as Gordon Gekko versus Douglas as Steve Tobias, if you’re more comfortable with that analogy and I have a hunch many of you are). Watched E4 on Sunday, as usual, and have been sitting on this run-down ever since. Do it? Don’t do it? Five little words—one ghastly dilemma. I put off dealing with it for a while—as people who embrace the ‘ignore the problem and it’ll go away’ tactic are wont to do—but something from deep inside has been saying “Do episode 5, Bess. Do it now,” since I woke up this morning (but conceivably that could be last night’s bad Chinese talking). Despite its suspicious provenance, despite—nay, because of—the questionable spring rolls, I've decided, "I WILL do this, and now." Also, because Tim Sykes says, “I feel it’s my duty to be the Godfather of throwing parties.”

If you’re like me, you were—are—pretty miffed about the fact that INHD didn’t air an episode of Wall Street Warriors last Sunday. Really got your goat/stripped your floors/frosted your cookies, am I right? Whoever over at that network thought it was okay to get us hooked on the fishscale of reality TV and then pull it out from under us is obviously some sort sick sadist who moonlights as a tobacco lobbyist and would lace an infant’s mashed peas with nicotine if it meant he could make a buck off that kid when it started walking, talking and buying cigarettes. That’s the kind of person we’re dealing with. Sorry I had to go to extremes there but I’m not sorry because this kind of malarkey happens all the time and what’s the worst they can do to me? Cancel my INHD subscription? Nice try but threats like that don’t exactly scare Bess Levin because she doesn’t have a subscription to INHD. And if you wanted to hurt me like that you’d have to cancel my friend’s subscription which would sting a little bit but in the long run would be outweighed by the fact that he’s actually really cheap and would probably be a lot more pleasant if it meant he could quit hatching schemes to convince his roommates the “extra channels really aren’t worth it, if you guys think about it.” (What would actually do some damage would be if you canceled it, say, one or two days into December and then didn’t prorate the month. But you didn’t hear that from me).

Clearly, I’m upset. But I’m going to put my fury aside for a moment because episode four of Wall Street Warriors was without exaggeration the best one ever. How the producers are going to keep you and I hooked for the rest of the season after shooting their wad on this one, I have no idea but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. And here’s the genius part: the first 22 minutes of the show are excruciatingly dull, while the last three are like the t-shirt an acquaintance gave me a few years ago that says 'Levin' on the back in a sort of sports jersey vein and 'not kosher for Passover’ on the front— hilarious really funny mildly amusing. Just kidding!-- the last three minutes are hilarious (thoughts on the first 22 remain as is). As an homage to the Mensa candidates behind this show, I’m going to fast forward through the aforementioned dull parts—as I assume they intended for me to do—and get down to the good stuff. Here’s a preview of the hilarity that will ensue—Tim Sykes on a date with what’s in all probability an of-age-girl: “That right there, is my frequent karaoke card. Look at that, look how many stamps I’ve gotten. This is my late night place. Most guys bring girls back to their houses, I bring them to karaoke.”

If we were those glass half empty types, we’d probably be saying something like, “Fantastic. Not only is it a Monday but in light of the fact that we’ve theoretically signed on to cover anything and everything Wall Street Warriors-related, we’ve got to sit through nearly thirty minutes of this claptrap, waste a perfectly good Post-it every time Rich Taglianetti says something to Sandy Navidi that’s mildly leering but makes for a good “and you’ll never believe what Rich Tag said next!” and spend an hour of our lives that we’ll never get back—never!—writing this thing up like we have nothing better to do with our time,” right about now. If we were those glass half empty types. Well sorry, Schopenhauer, but you’re looking at a bunch of glass half full, Auschwitz was a bit of a bitch but at least we got some Oscars out of it type gals. So, instead, we’re sitting here saying to no one in particular (we don’t get many visitors in the DB Janitorial Closet, it’s sort of damp and noxious-fume smelling), “Fantastic. It’s a Monday and in light of the fact that we’ve theoretically signed on to cover anything and everything Wall Street Warriors related, we get to sit through nearly thirty minutes of this adorable little look at Dubya Street, use our really cute pink Post-its, and write up what was thirty minutes of our lives we’d pay good money to relive if things like that were possible. Plus, we can’t think of anything better to do with our time!” For those of you who’d like to stop by the DB JC after work and go through our Post-its in chorological order, you’re more than welcome. The password is ‘Ben Affleck.’ Everyone else (who’d misguidedly pass up such an opportunity)—read on. (Christian Slater-->)

So you thought another post about Wall Street Warriors was out of the question, did you? Well, guess what? You thought wrong. Dead wrong. You don’t pop open a bottle of wine and start drinking without letting it decant and we don’t take just one shot at the greatest story ever told and call it a day. (Not sure if that analogy even works but spilt milk and, as they say, no crying). Thus, last night we found ourselves at Trinity Place, the site of the (fingers crossed) award winning show’s We’ve Made It Through Two Episodes, This Is Cause For Celebration! Happy Hour. Pete had to “work late” (sounds like a good cover for staying home to play World of Warcraft) and unfortunately couldn’t make it but I’m going to continue with the first person plural while going through the pictures I--we-- took because it gives me a false sense of superiority and because Carney is, in his own words, “omnipresent” and was therefore with me last night. Let’s take a look. Christian Slater---->

Bess here, done with episode one and ready and raring to go with episode two. (And ready, dying, to get back to the first-person plural. I feel naked without it). If the first episode of Wall Street Warriors knocked your socks off, hold on to your pants, because episode two is like the A.D. to episode one’s B.C. WSW’s pièce de résistance. And why, pray tell? For two reasons. 1. Bob’s made it into the opening credits! And 2. Well, reason number two, is two words, friends. Reason number two is: TIM. SYKES. B’nai Mitzvah extraordinaire.

But first, a postmortem on episode one. By now you’re likely asking yourselves a few questions—“why is DealBreaker covering the WSW pilot a week late”; “what is this, this Wall Street Warriors”; and “have you ever a been with a woman.” All excellent questions. First of all, we do things differently ‘round these parts. We don’t follow crowds, we don’t mindlessly adhere to standard protocol like a bunch of sheep, and we don’t always remember to request copies of shows before they air, thereby allowing other people to put in their two cents while we stand silently on the sidelines looking stupid quirky for our unorthodox take on the situation at hand (we also don’t subscribe to certain high resolution channels, but that’s neither here nor there). Second, if you don’t know what Wall Street Warriors is, we don’t even know where to get started with you—but in the interest of indoctrination, start by reading our Dear Diary entry: Tonight I went to the Wall Street Warriors party and it was all I dreamt it would be—and more. It won’t necessarily elucidate much, per the series, but it’ll do…something. Lastly, no, there’s never an appropriate time to ask that question. Don’t feel bad, we’re kind of with you on thinking that maybe now, given the political climate of us being in the vulnerable position of not having done something we should’ve done, um, what’s that a week ago (?) it’s sort as though we ‘owe you a freebie,’ so to speak, but yeah, no. Let us begin.

In her NYO article on INHD's new series, Wall Street Warriors, (and specifically, one of its stars, Tim Sykes), Rebecca Dana tells us: “When Timothy Sykes arrived for lunch at the Spotted Pig on Oct. 15—his sixth visit to the West Village gastro-pub in as many days—he was still a little drunk from the night before.” She seems put-off by Mr. Sykes’s apparent inebriation, and a little PO’d at this obvious affront to her strict journalistic moral code (and perhaps displeased with his insistence that the Spotted P. makes “the best sheep's ricotta gnudi with pesto in town!”), lambasting him with, “‘I really wanted to be sober for this,’ he said, ruefully but not apologetically.”

Normally, we’d side with Dana—you can bet the last Merrill Lynch analyst that showed up for an interview with us stoned out of his mind asking, “Hey, you have any chips?” and didn’t say he was sorry was swiftly raked over the coals—but not today. Dana—Tim Skyes is a Wall Street Warrior! How else would you expect him to show up to a meeting? Sober? C’mon, old girl. Now you’re just being silly. Lucky for us, we’d no reason to do any flogging—of Sykes et al—last night, when we attended a soiree for the premiere of the show (Oct. 22) because they were all, as house rules dictate, wasted. And hanging with Christian Slater—don’t question it—which we’ll have more to say about later.

Obviously there was poker going on and obviously
this guy’s a Wall Street Warrior. Looks a bit like a Judd
Nelson, too, if you ask us, but we don’t really have the
time to get into all that. We’ve got more Warriors to tend to.