whoops

Would you recognize the place if *hadn’t* breached its agreement to give 383 Madison LLC, the proprietor of the property, the right to make the first offer on the building, before entering into a contract that provided JPMorgan an irrevocable option to purchase the building, regardless of whether or not the deal to create Bearpont Morgan Chase goes through? I submit you would not.* Also, hilariously, JPM has been named a defendant in the suit. Will they be dragged into the mêlée brewing between BSC and Vermont Teddy Bear, the manufacturer of the surprisingly popular “BSC Bear”? Stay tuned!
Bear Stearns Is Sued Over Option To Sell Its Headquarters [CNN Money]
*I can say that because we sent free food to several of BSC’s finest this afternoon.

  • 15 Apr 2008 at 11:54 AM
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‘I resign. No, no. I kid… I kid…’

So much “just messing” at GLG partners these past couple days. The London-based hedge fund, which has been a public company for less than a year, said it would “redo” statements for 2006 and 2007 because it didn’t “properly account for limited partner profit.” According to an 8-K filed today—and I’m paraphrasing a bit but this was the gist:

“In 2006, net profit was $359.3 million. HA! Just fucking with ya. It was really only $157.9 million. 2007? Second verse, mostly same as the first: we said we made $92.6 million, we really lost $310.5 million. Did you see the look on your face! Priceless!”

Good stuff, but not really the funny part. Later in the filing, GLG indicates that on April 14, Greg Coffey, portfolio manger for the GLG Emerging Markets Fund, the GLG Emerging Markets Special Situations Fund, the GLG Emerging Currency and Fixed Income Fund and the GLG Emerging Equity Fund managed by the Company, “resigned from his positions with the Company’s GLG Partners LP subsidiary and certain affiliated entities (collectively, “GLG”).” A few lines later, it’s noted that on April 15, Coffey withdrew his resignation, and that the Gregster and the company “are in discussions concerning a range of options for the future,” including how to more effectively put the Gregmeister’s singular knack for pulling pranks to good (/profitable) use.
Also of note:

“The company took a charge of $1,242.93 for contractor fees related to moving services rendered to the company to move Mr. Coffey’s office furniture back into the building from the parking lot where it had been arranged in a configuration mimicking his actual office by persons unknown.”

GLG Partners 8-K [SEC]
GLG hedge fund to restate 2006, 2007 results [Reuters]

Alwaleed.JPGAs keepers and dispensers of business wisdom, people often ask us to explain certain mysterious aspects of the world of finance to them that they cannot explain to themselves. Since we think on a higher plane about this stuff than most, it’s generally helpful to use a pop culture analogy to elucidate. Don’t think of this as us dumbing down the material for your benefit, but merely-actually, that’s exactly what it is. But what I’m saying is, don’t feel bad about it. In fact, today’s question comes from a dear reader who embraces his own limitations, and asks us to answer his thorny question in a way that any simpleton can understand. “Steve in Stamford” writes, “My favorite memories from childhood involve ‘sick days’ from school, where I would sit in front of the tube eating Tasti Cakes and watching reruns of ‘Beverly Hillbillies,’ ‘That’s My Mama,’ ‘Flintstones’ and the Hulk. The lessons gleaned have informed my investment decisions later in life. Lately, I’ve been at a loss on Citi — I don’t get it. Any insights to be drawn from TV Land?
Great question, Steve, and topical, too. On Tuesday, Sameer Al-Ansari, the head of Dubai International Capital said at a private equity conference, “In my view it will take a lot more than that to rescue Citi and other financial institutions.” This was sort of a “no shit” statement that pointed out something every 2-brain celled human being’s been thinking since Meredith Whitney told him/her to back in October but apparently it knocked some sense into the 1-brain cell guys, who still saw some value in C, and the courage to short that shit—resulting in a four percent drop in Citi’s stock price. Then, today, Dubai International said in a statement, “Dubai International Capital has never expressed an opinion on the investment merits or financial condition of Citi.” That’s right, Steve—it was all in your head. Am I saying Citi’s largest shareholder outright lied to you? No, they’re not smart enough for that. What we’re saying is, they have no idea what’s going on. Which brings us to this—Citi, and its ragtag coterie of hangers-on, is the TV equivalent of the seminal sitcom, “Hogan’s Heroes.”
Think about it, Steve: the premise of the show was that the POWs at Stalag 13 were actually active participants, using the camp as a base of operations for sabotage against the Nazis. Their leader was senior ranking POW officer Colonel Hogan. The prisoners were in contact with Allied command, and running the show, aided by the incompetence of camp commandant Colonel Klink and his aide, Sergeant Schultz. Citi is the Third Reich. The failed experiment. Weill would be Hitler but he flew the coop with Eva Braun, and let Pandit do the whole “Third Act in the Bunker” thing. Meredith Whitney is Hogan. Alaweed is Klink. Dubai International is Schultz– “I zhee nothing.” We almost said Pandit is Schultz, but that would be giving him too much credit.
That’s really it. Hope this helped, Steve. If you have a question you’d like answered, shoot us an email at tips at dealbreaker dot com, or give us a call at (203) 890-2000. We know what we’re talking about.
Dubai International Says It Takes Back Citi Comments [DealBook]

  • 27 Feb 2008 at 11:39 PM
  • whoops

Blind Item

Which hedge fund lost a “metric fuckton” (not to be confused with the somewhat larger “Imperial fuckton”) on their energy desk over the last several days?

Alright, so there may have been some sort of mix-up with Société Générale’s accounting but Risk wants you to know that it continues to believe that the French bank deserves the equity derivatives house of the year award. The prize was given on the basis of SG’s innovation in derivatives in 2007, and we submit that in order to scale the heights of an illustrious list of criminals that includes everyone from Nick Lesson to that inimitable puppy lover, and in doing so dethrone the immortal Brian Hunter, Jerome Kerviel must’ve done a little if not a lot of “thinking outside the box.” Plus, it would be a bitch to take the honor back and give to someone else, as the plaque has already been engraved. In other news, Billion Dollar Fraud Quarterly also plans on rewarding SG for its innovation this year, and there’s power in numbers. DealBook’s Andrew Ross Sorkin is also giving props in a blog post later this afternoon and Ron Blarney has been rallying behind SG in AOL chat rooms since he woke up.
In our defence [Risk Magazine]
Equity Derivatives House of the Year – Société Générale [Risk Magazine]