$$$ Fifth Executive at SAC Capital Receives Subpoena [BusinessWeek / Sheelah Kolhatkar]

$$$ Tudor’s Jones Apologizes for Remarks on Female Traders [Bloomberg]

$$$ Goldman Sachs Links Bonuses to Protecting Firm Reputation [Bloomberg]

$$$ Woman, 47, Faces Domestic Violence Rap For Clobbering Guy In Head With Garden Gnome [TSG]

$$$ That’s it for us today. Enjoy the long weekend and we’ll see you back here Tuesday! Read more »

$$$ Three SAC Executives Received Subpoenas in Probe [WSJ]

$$$ Sequester Means $1 Billion More Of Cocaine Floods Into US: Coast Guard [Breaking Defense]

$$$ Icahn seeks up to $7 billion for Dell bid [Reuters]

$$$ Before Dom Starsia talks about national titles, he unfolds a two-foot-wide spreadsheet that gives University of Virginia recruits a look at life after lacrosse. A big part of the coach’s sales pitch for a university founded by Thomas Jefferson in 1819 is VLAN, or the Virginia Lacrosse Alumni Network, a 300-person database of former male and female players who work in finance and other fields and are willing to help cub Cavaliers get there, too. The database gives a person’s name, firm, industry, title, e-mail and telephone number, says Drew Fox, a managing director at Neuberger Berman Group LLC whom Starsia credits with turning a loose affiliation of former players into an organized pipeline of mentors. “Banker, equity guy, trader, analyst — I don’t even know what those jobs are,” says Starsia, whose teams have produced four national championships and 13 Final Fours over his 21 seasons in Charlottesville. “But I do know it’s an impressive list.” [Bloomberg] Read more »

$$$ Bernanke Says Premature Tightening Would Endanger Recovery [Bloomberg]

$$$ Uneasy Peace After Dimon’s War

$$$ Apple Tax Grilling Becomes Cook’s Latest Testing Crisis [Bloomberg]

$$$ Morgan Stanley’s Head of Fixed Income to Retire [Dealbook]

$$$ Ty the tiger has surgery to remove giant, four-pound hairball [10News] Read more »

$$$ JPMorgan, under pressure, gives polling information to investors [Reuters]

$$$ Ergen Bids $2 Billion for LightSquared Spectrum [WSJ]

$$$ Prosecutors’ subpoena of SAC’s Cohen puzzles defense lawyers [Reuters]

$$$ Financial Firms Said to Be Seeking Bloomberg Alternative [Dealbook]

$$$ Laura Fernee says her good looks are so powerful they are ruining her life – and have forced her to quit her job. [DM] Read more »

$$$ Wall Street Bonuses, Staff Levels to Rise in 2013: Report [Reuters]

$$$ Ackman, Investor Group in Contract to Buy a New York Penthouse for Over $90 Million [WSJ]

$$$ Regulators Take Hard Line On Exchanges [WSJ]

$$$ Is Ticket for $600 Million Powerball Jackpot a Good Bet? [Real Time Economics]

$$$ “Mother Nature often works in mysterious ways, but the recent birth of a baby anteater has the staff at a Greenwich conservation center stumped. The mystery begins in August, when Armani, a female giant anteater at the LEO Zoological Conservation Center in Greenwich, gave birth to baby Alice. It was a joyous occasion for all involved, except perhaps for Alf, baby Alice’s father. Male anteaters are known to commit infanticide, so Alf had to go. He remained at the center, but was kept away from mom and baby for several months. Fast forward to one morning in April. A tender went into Armani’s enclosure and received quite a shock. Armani, sometime during the previous night, had given birth to another baby. The sudden appearance of little Archie was a surprise, to say the least. The gestation period for anteaters is six months. Armani and Alf had not been back together long enough to do what they needed to do to put the cycle of life into gear a second time. The staff at the conservation center immediately got to wondering. Either this was a case of immaculate anteater conception, or Alf had somehow gotten the keys to Armani’s pen one night in October.” [Greenwich Time] Read more »

$$$ Citi Bans Traders From Using Bloomberg Terminal Chat Groups [FT]

$$$ CFTC: We’ll Probably Regulate Bloomberg [CNBC]

$$$ Regulators Strike Compromise on New Derivatives Rules [WSJ]

$$$ SocGen’s Russia unit CEO charged with bribery, faces seven years [Reuters]

$$$ Philadelphia Eagle Evan Mathis posted a photo to Instagram yesterday, in which he appeared to be peeing on the IRS building, with the message “Audit this.” [Daily Intel]

$$$ Federal Prisoner is Suing Taco Bell for Stealing His Idea for the Doritos Locos Taco [Dallas Observer] Read more »

$$$ Benmosche: AIG ‘Going Back to Our Roots’ [CNBC]

$$$ SocGen’s Rosbank CEO Detained in $1.5 Million Bribery Sting [Bloomberg]

$$$ Euro Zone Recovery Remains Elusive [WSJ]

$$$ “A 54-foot tall, bright yellow inflatable duck floating in Victoria Harbor has ignited a frenzy in the city, attracting hundreds of thousands of visitors and spawning a wave of duck-related products and dishes, occasionally served with the famous visitor’s feathered brethren…In a recent legislative session, politician Lau Wong-fat cited the duck and the “limitless amounts of joy” it had brought to Hong Kong, as well as the salutary effect the duck had had on local businesses. “Has the government tried to consider why the big duck has swept the city in such a fashion?” he asked the city’s leader, Leung Chun-ying. Merchants have embraced the duck. The Marco Polo Hotel is offering a Giant Yellow Rubber Duck package, which it says includes rooms with “breathtaking” duck views, a complimentary rubber duck toy (while supplies last) and a late checkout for $300 a night.” [WSJ]

$$$ Swedish Man Dies After Having Sex With Hornet’s Nest [IBT] Read more »

$$$ Fraud claims versus Goldman over Abacus CDO are dismissed [Reuters]

$$$ Elan shareholders sue Cohen’s SAC Capital for nearly $1B [NYP]

$$$ SEC Eyes Charles Schwab Exec For Top Post [WSJ]

$$$ Japan Hostile to Activist Investors [WSJ]

$$$ It’s a ‘My Cousin Vinny’ Market, Bullish David Tepper Says [CNBC]

$$$ “Some wealthy Manhattan moms have figured out a way to cut the long lines at Disney World — by hiring disabled people to pose as family members so they and their kids can jump to the front, The Post has learned.” [NYP] Read more »

$$$ Bloomberg users’ messages leaked online [FT]

$$$ Barclays wins dismissal of U.S. shareholder lawsuit over Libor [Reuters]

$$$ SEC chair agrees with calls for U.S. stock market review [Reuters]

$$$ Valuable as Art, but Priceless as a Tool to Launder Money [NYT]

$$$ FDNY Rescues NYPD Officer Trying To Rescue Cat From A Tree [Gothamist] Read more »

$$$ JPMorgan Directors Oppose Splitting Dimon’s Role as ‘Disruptive’ [Bloomberg]

$$$ Carson Block Says He’s Shorting Standard Chartered Debt [Bloomberg]

$$$ Loeb Long Gone From Herbalife [NYP]

$$$ Why I’m Building A Bar At The Office [WSJ] Read more »

$$$ Fannie Mae to Pay Treasury $59.4 Billion After Record Profit [Bloomberg]

$$$ California Sues J.P. Morgan on Card Collections [WSJ]

$$$ Goldman cuts investment fund pledges in half since Dodd-Frank-filings [Reuters / Lauren Tara LaCapra]

$$$ Paulson hedge fund puts hotel unit in bankruptcy to escape lawsuit, “terrorization” [Reuters]

$$$ Everyone Who Started Watching ‘Mad Money’ In 2005 Now Billionaires [The Onion] Read more »