While some spent last night losing their long-preserved virginity, others found themselves in an apoplectic rage of “Hows,” “Whys,” and whatever amount of crystal meth they could get their hands on. We’re talking, of course, about Yahoo (and Lucy Gao, for not having made a video herself). The company’s stock plummeted by more than 2% to a 52-week low and, as DealBook reports,
This [Google’s recent impulse buy] increases the pressure on Yahoo to do something. There is this perception that Google is not just executing well but that it is also being more aggressive…BusinessWeek and others speculate that the YouTube deal could force Yahoo to push harder for Facebook, another social-networking Web site. Yahoo has already offered $1 billion to buy Facebook. Some months ago, there was a report that Facebook’s owners had wanted $2 billion for the company, which, at the time, struck many in the industry as ridiculously high. Now, BusinessWeek wrote on Tuesday, “a price north of $1 billion might be more achievable.”
Jeff Matthews imagines how Yahoo prepared for last night’s earnings call.
“Now, how should we spin this delay?”
“I was thinking, ‘We are disappointed but remain upbeat’?”
“‘Upbeat’ is good, but ‘disappointed’ is bad. Very bad.”
“Right. ‘Disappointed’ is extremely bad. How about ‘We are cautiously upbeat’?”
“No—‘cautious’ is bad.’ They hate ‘cautious.’”
“Right. Hate ‘cautious.’ And ‘upbeat’ sounds trite. How about ‘Pleased’?”
“Better yet, ‘Extremely pleased….’”
“‘We are extremely pleased…’”
“And repeat it at least three times, just so they get it.”
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