Muffie Benson-Perella (muffie AT dealbreaker.com) is an Associate in the Investment Banking Division of a "Bulge Bracket" bank. She holds a B.A. in French and Art from Vassar College and an M.B.A. from Harvard Business School. Her regular column "Heard in the Suite" is a probing (and, ahem, fictional) weekly look into the secret lives and behind the velvet curtains of the investment banking world.
I have to say I'm starting to get really irritated at the recruiting infrastructure in many of the top banks here in New York and London. The bankers they are hiring are terrified of women.
I had three dates with this young man, let's call him "Dean" from one of the "big name" banks in town some months ago. He was actually very charming and quite a Renaissance man. When we went out the first time for drinkies and then dancing later I was pretty impressed and I am sure all my fans know how hard I am to please when it comes to things like this.
And he could really dance too. Not like most bankers you run into who do some sort of combination of a Cypress Hill "Jump Around" and the entire audience at a Steve Winwood concert. No, he had a sweeping elegance about him, like he had taken lessons or competed professionally or something. It was easy to melt into his arms and be carried about the floor as if on air. It was just amazing. Let me tell you, as a girl you don't have to dance at all if a banker can lead, even in a club! That nonsense about guys in competitive dance being gay is as much crap.
Then, when we sat down at the table he had reserved at Cain he started talking about his hopes and dreams. He has done a little or a lot of everything!
He's a Harvard man, he works in the M&A group. He's working on a movie, a Wall Street thriller. He's writing a book. He's VERY wealthy, particularly for being so young. I think he might be Eastern European but I didn't know how to ask and at some point the evening gets blurry.
Anyhow, after the third date he just disappears. Totally rude. His cellphone is disconnected, he doesn't answer at work and the switchboard operator tells me he's in the "Fixed Income" department. What the hell? He said he was in M&A.
I try calling his home number and his mother or someone answers. I asked when he was coming back and she just burst into tears and hung up on me. What is it with these people?
Finally, I get hold of one of his friends, let's call him "Kason" and he claims that Dean is in some kind of legal trouble and can he borrow some money. Can you believe it? Totally absurd. I swear, the lengths men will go to in order to avoid commitment just blows my mind sometimes.