As we've said before, we don't really do service-y how-to journalism, but we respect its intentions. We, too, want to help people. Specifically, people who work on Wall Street. So here's our good deed of the day: We'd like to direct you to a banker in need of some companionship:
You are some kind of amazing, aren't you? Your hair is like spun silk, your skin is flawless. You manage the increible trick of being incredibly busty while having the tiniest, nipped in waist. You've got legs that go on for days. You're witty and smart and a brilliant conversationalist... well that last sentence is optional, Can't say I care much about that. And they expect you to do what? To work? To go to a job? So you can eat and pay rent? Someone as gorgeous as you? That aint right. That's where I come in. I'm an investment banker downtown. And I'll be honest with you, I'm not much myself in the looks department . But what I do have is a nearby apartment I'm not using. And a bunch of cash and a couple of credit cards I'm not using either.
Unfortunately, we have a sneaking suspicion that most of the women in the targeted demographic are not reading DealBreaker. But if you do happen to fit the description: widdle biddy you doesn't need a big bad, day job. Help the nice man with the big, comfy apartment and the credit cards, okay, pookie?
Dirty little editorial secret: on a slow news day, typing "banker" into the Craigslist search box almost always yields something.
YOU'RE TOO HOT TO PAY YOUR OWN BILLS!!! [Craigslist.org]