Planespotting: Viagra Edition

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Rush Limbaugh is like David Geffen in that he will never freaking learn.Background info: we recently became infatuated with Rush Limbaugh; as such, we dedicate this edition of Planespotting to him, his Viagra, and an actual, real life story!* We're not sure when it started, or why, but lately, R. Limbaugh's all we can think about. What's he doing, where's he going, what's he thinking, will he come over tonight, should we call him or should we wait for him to call us (he did say he'd call...but that was three days ago!)? To be honest, it's time-consuming and tedious and if we could kick our habit for that big bowl of conservative radio talking love we would, but, thing of it is, we can't. Like they say, "Kicking coke is one thing, but Rush? Oh, that's a drug far too powerful." So what with our hands tied conquering what some people-- small minded ones, you realize-- would call a "problem" with smack, getting over Rush just wasn't in the cards, at least not for this week. So, seeing as though we were (/are) still restraining-order worthy obsessed with him, we did what you would expect anyone with such an infatuation to do and started stalking him. Like, hard-core stalking him. Like, crazy-freaking stalking him. Like breaking into his apartment and waiting for him behind the door stalking him. And naturally, we wanted to know where he was at all times, just like any good stalker (and girlfriend!) would; thus, the tracking of his private plane. But guess what?


That bastard tried to hide from us! Just like Geffen did, ohhh, just like Geffen did. This brought up a host of bad memories (all those times we would make an extra-special dinner and David would be "too busy with work" to come home on time; the time David forgot our birthday; the time David tried to get out of sex by telling us he "like[d] men"), not least of which was the time David tried to hide the whereabouts of his plane, too! It just-- it just stung so badly, reliving that utter betrayal. But, then-- hang on there a second, Skippy. Remember what happened when David tried to mess with us? Oh yeah, yeah you do. We "exposed what the little scallywag thought would be an elaborately difficult but successful business plan that would a. make him lots and lots of money b. louse up our plan at world domination via planespotting and c. finally make Ashlee Simpson look legit**," remember? Oh yes, Lady Justice was a sweet, sweet maiden to us that day. And guess what? LJ is back again, this time fighting crime: Limbaugh-style. As it turns out, Rushy-boy reportedly went to the Dominican Republic a few days back. We hope he got a nice, scathing burn, but either way, we're sure it must've stung (and later peeled) to be held for over three hours yesterday at Palm Beach Int'l Airport on his way home, after the fuzz found a vial of-- oh, what's that?-- what did they find?-- a bottle of Viagra, you say? A bottle of Viagra, without a prescription? Oooh, Rush! Rushy! That's not good! What happened there? Our sources*** say that "a doctor had prescribed the drug, but it was 'labeled as being issued to the physician rather than Mr. Limbaugh for privacy purposes,' [according to] Roy Black, Limbaugh's attorney." Well, now, that is just like Roy to be covering for Rush. This isn't anything new-- the two of them were in cahoots for months when Rush was trying to keep that barely legal secretary from us. Typical. Apparently, the authorities are planning on filing a report with the state attorney's office, and Rush could be charged with a second-degree misdemeanor violation. That'd be getting off easy, we think. Afterall, what's the charge for breaking someone's heart?
*Well, elements of a real story, plus little sprinklings of what we believe to be real but, as the saying goes, can't say for absolute sure.
**While making sure to say that, although we believe this to be true, it is entirely unconfirmed (as most brilliant conspiracy theories are).
***Yahoo! News

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