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Write-Offs: 06.27.06

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$$$How to Avoid Being Arrested by Cops: A How-To Guide. Step 1: Don't make a habit of riding shotgun in Gene Plotkin's black, leased BMW. [Google Video]
$$$International Private Banker seeks assistant. Requisites include:
1. "Please be well spoken" [read : Anyone from Staten Island need not apply; Queens, you're probably pushing it, too.]
2. "Well Groomed" [read : There's the door, ugly people, feel free, nay, feel encouraged to use it]
3. "It would be great if you were fluent in more than one language" [read : I have an Asian fetish and I would appreciate it if you could act as a translator] [Craiglist]
$$$"The anonymous bullshittings of an alcoholic, pessimistic, asshole, Korean-American-Roman-Catholic-Elmhurst-Bayside-New York, NY brother-sister duo trapped in corporate servitude with humble aspirations of taking over the world" Part II: Capitalist Dating [CEO of the World]
$$$"The End of Google?" Bite your tongue! How could you even think that? No more Google and how will Larry Page ever get a female to do this again? [Evolving Trends]