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Meet Lauren, One Ocean View’s Icy Bitch

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It’s hard to believe that people still agree to go on reality television shows. Doesn’t everyone know that producers of these shows set out to cast a mix of people most likely to hurt and humiliate each other? Maybe people don’t care. After all, they’re on television! And what’s the point of doing anything if no-one is watching it on television?
It’s a pretty sure bet that when the producer’s of ABC’s new Fire Island reality show met Lauren, who recently broke up with her boyfriend Zack but seems to keep him around like a dog that’s been beat too much, they knew they had reality television gold. Here’s how the New York Times describes her.

Zack’s ex-girlfriend — torturer? — is Lauren, a 23-year-old junior analyst for a hedge fund. Brunet and bronzed, she’s pretty and talkative, but she wields her charms like a handgun. As the show opens, she has somehow managed to persuade Zack to stay loyal and available to her even as she looks for someone new.
Short on romantic experience, Zack accepts this arrangement for fear of hurting her, which is rich, since Lauren appears unhurtable. Evidently she has convinced him in private that she loves him and requires his steadfast devotion while she comes on to everyone but him. Would you buy a hedge fund from this woman?

Lauren is one of the cast members who won’t reveal her last name or where she works. But she’s described on the show as a “junior analyst” at a hedge fund. So come on team DealBreaker. Some one must know her. Send rumors, tips, last names and places of employment to tips(at)

‘One Ocean View’: A Humiliating Vacation
[The New York Times]