We were all set to hit you with a terpsichorean ménage a trois of a planespotting today, replete with a full explanation of the changeling boy George Soros fathered* with Beverly D’Angelo (which somehow ended up in the hands of Hank Paulson), a Proustian analysis of Donald Trump's rug, balloon animals and baby goats. Yes, baby goats. But when we got to the office, our editor John Carney, (who, incidentally, is that aforementioned changeling), was regaling the crowd with tales of his evening past. And that got us thinking—hey, vous, how about a rating system for our aviation sightings as inspired by dead hookers? Since it was us posing the question to ourselves, we decided to oblige, and herein is the result. You’re welcome:
= Dead hooker
X 1 = More mundane and predictable than Mel Gibson’s anti-Semitism. (C’mon. Man Without A Face? Don’t even pretend you didn’t know that was a metaphor for Hitler.)
X 5 = Put her in a bag and walk promptly but cautiously out of the hotel. Drive to the docks. Make the drop with a guy named Snakes. Speak to no one. You were never here. Where? Exactly.
Leonore Annenberg: Palm Springs Int’l to Van Nuys (CA) on her Gulfstream V
Ted Turner: Livermore Municipal to Half Moon Bay (Ca) on his Cessna Skylane
Russell Carson: Charlotte Douglas Int’l to Treasure Cay (Bahamas) on his on his Cessna Citation Excel
John Travolta: Los Angeles Int’l to Hamilton Airport (Ontario) on his Boeing 707-100
(It's Canada. Think about it.)
CIA: Washington Dulles Int’l to Keflavik Nas (Iceland) on its Boeing 737-300
Paris Hilton: Van Nuys to Chicago Midway Int’l on her (father’s) Gulfstream V
(Chicago: wear a condom.)
*fathered in an unconfirmed way, wink, wink.