Planespotting: Agents, Sluts, Cravolta, Money

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William Morris Agency (ostensibly President Jim Wiatt but who can ever really know these things): Nassau Int’l (Bahamas) to Wilmington Int’l on its Gulfstream G200
(We were going to give this little jaunt low marks on account of its personally offensive nature; one dead hooker, and nothing more. Honestly, since Dawson’s Creek ended, who goes to Wilmington, NC, anymore, hmm? It’s like we always say: No Joey Potter, no Wilmington. For all intents and purposes, we’ve written the dump off as dead. So one dead hooker it was. But then, oh then, just as we were about to move on to our next victim, we got some news that shook our 1-5 dead hookers rating scale to the core. The William Morris Agency counts Starbucks as one of its corporate clients and while we love ourselves a good grande soy latte we do not love ourselves a good Akeelah and The Bee! In fact, and this might sound harsh but goddamnit, it’s got to be said: we fucking hate that goddamn girl and her goddamn fucking bee. And here’s what we’re going to do about it: William Morris Agency? No fucking dead hookers! No fucking dead hookers for you!)
YOU GET NOTHING!
Paris Hilton: Van Nuys to Luton (Bedfordshire) on her (family's) Gulfstream V
(Like the William Morris Agency, this entry took an unexpected turn at the 11th hour, dead hooker-wise. Bedfordshire...pretty boring, right? Wrong-- when you take a second to realize the odds are pretty good that P. Hilts piloted the plane herself, drunk.) (Sidebar: you can get STDS through your clothes)

John Travolta: Opa Locka to Hamilton (again) on his Boeing 707-100
(We're not saying he's gay but with no artfully and painstakingly crafted story to get out of the proverbial hot water this time, this trip looks fishy, to say the least)

Tom Cruise: Telluride Regional Airport to BWI Airport on his Gulfstream V (AKA "Kiss Me Kate")
(Family of 5 in Maryland to take in a Redskins game = totally legit, not "crazy." Flying there on a plane named "Kiss Me Kate" = a little gay. But we'll throw Tom a "bone," this time, something he's never been "thrown" before (wink, wink, slap knee, kill self))

The Blackstone Group: Bermuda Int'l to Southwest Florida Int'l on its Raytheon Hawker 800
(Just 'cause)

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