Microsoft (Bill? Why not.): Ft. Lauderdale Hollywood Int’l to Princess Juliana Int’l (St. Maarten) on its Cessna Citation X.
(Princess Juliana Int’l. Princess Juliana International Airport. Where you’re picked up in a hot pink convertible and whisked away to Barbie’s Dream House, without ever having to set eyes on a native or a person not made of plastic, at which a legion of G.I. Joe dolls patiently wait for the gang-rape to commence and Skipper, if she’s a good girl, gets invited to join the fun. Bill, we never knew you were such a dirty bitch. The whole computer-geek thing was a great cover for being a sick pervert. This is a welcomed surprise, our little four-eyed friend. A welcomed surprise, indeed.)
Warren Buffett:Orlando Int’l to Farnborough (London) to Keflavik Nas (Iceland) on his Gulfstream V
(At our last editorial meeting, Carney told us to “drag Warren Buffett’s name through the mud like a coked-out whore, no matter the circumstances” (as he believes doing so will help him score with Buff’s estranged granddaughter, Nicole Buffett). Carney’s kind of like our boss in this whole operation so we were planning on doing as we were told (despite the fact that we’re pretty sure he’s already moved on to his next victim, George Soros’s niece Patsie, age 16. Sorry, Nikki). But then we remembered our General Manager’s raging, inexplicable obsession with Keflavik Nas and pondered what the rest of the day would be like being forced to look at pictures of “heaven on earth” (for the twelfth time this week) until we “got it through [our] thick skulls that nobody fucks with Keflavik Nas. Nobody.” Here’s what we came up with:)
[Editors Note: I had nothing do with this, Nikki. -- JC]
Leonore Annenberg: Palm Springs Int'l to Rochester (MN) Int'l on her Gulfstream V
(Was alive when the Titanic set sail but you know the ho's got some tricks up her sleeve.)
*Or just far enough?