Party Crash: Wall Street Warriors

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In her NYO article on INHD's new series, Wall Street Warriors, (and specifically, one of its stars, Tim Sykes), Rebecca Dana tells us: “When Timothy Sykes arrived for lunch at the Spotted Pig on Oct. 15—his sixth visit to the West Village gastro-pub in as many days—he was still a little drunk from the night before.” She seems put-off by Mr. Sykes’s apparent inebriation, and a little PO’d at this obvious affront to her strict journalistic moral code (and perhaps displeased with his insistence that the Spotted P. makes “the best sheep's ricotta gnudi with pesto in town!”), lambasting him with, “‘I really wanted to be sober for this,’ he said, ruefully but not apologetically.”
Normally, we’d side with Dana—you can bet the last Merrill Lynch analyst that showed up for an interview with us stoned out of his mind asking, “Hey, you have any chips?” and didn’t say he was sorry was swiftly raked over the coals—but not today. Dana—Tim Skyes is a Wall Street Warrior! How else would you expect him to show up to a meeting? Sober? C’mon, old girl. Now you’re just being silly. Lucky for us, we’d no reason to do any flogging—of Sykes et al—last night, when we attended a soiree for the premiere of the show (Oct. 22) because they were all, as house rules dictate, wasted. And hanging with Christian Slater—don’t question it—which we’ll have more to say about later.

Obviously there was poker going on and obviously
this guy’s a Wall Street Warrior. Looks a bit like a Judd
Nelson, too, if you ask us, but we don’t really have the
time to get into all that. We’ve got more Warriors to tend to.

Like this guy. What’s that? Doesn’t look too
“Warrior-like” to you? We beg to differ.

Now would be a good time for you to say
“Touché, DBreaker. Touché, indeed.”

Look who decided to show up! If he’s said it once,
he’s said it a thousand times: “I love myself a good
Wall Street Warrior.” – Pete W. Murphy.
Sidebar: Judd looks a little tense.

Listen, brosef, if you want to be a Wall Street Warrior,
you’ve got to act like a Wall Street Warrior. You’ve
got to walk in the room like you fuckin’ own the place.
There's an important phrase that I like to use, and think
it's time that you learned it. Act as if. You understand
what that means? Act as if you are the fucking President
of this firm. Act as if you got a 9" c**k. Okay? Act as if.
-Hey, isn’t that a line from Boil--
Shut up. And get a fuckin’ suit, you look like a hobo
in that outfit. You think that’s funny? I’m not kidding
you, brosef. I am dead serious, in fact. You want to
know what the first thing I thought when I saw you was?
How’d that homeless guy get in here?

Wall Street Warriors: love sushi (NB: that's the
back of Tim Sykes's head, far right. He's drunk, but that's fine by us).

Wall Street Warriors: love a good melee. (Which is not
surprising, psychologically speaking, as WSWs are alpha
males and the world would implode before two alpha
males peacefully co-existed. I tried to explain to the
WSW exhibited here that Petey’s NOT an alpha male—
“Yeah, he was in Delta Kappa Epsilon but whenever
they’d gather round for some good paddle-slapping fun he
was always the spankee—never the spanker! He’s harmless!”—
but once a Wall Street Warrior sinks his teeth into something it’s
all but impossible to say ‘Down, boy, down!’ and expect any results).

Wall Street Warriors: bring guns to parties and ask young
ladies to touch them. (And you thought there’d be no guns in this story!)

Two weeks earlier...
[Taittinger Representative: We’ve also got
these really cute mini-bottles, but you’re probably
not interested in them, are you?
WSW Party Planner: Um, YEAH I AM!
OMG these are perfect—they’ll feel like giants
holding them and they can say things like
“Hey, look how big these make my hand look” and
then make the obvious and trite joke about their correlating
penis size, it’ll be great, I mean, we’ll be just be adding fuel
to the fiery she-beast that is their vanity but fuck it, they’re
never going to change, we might as well get on board.]

“You know under any other circumstances I wouldn’t
be sitting here on this bed with you, right?”
“Oh, totally. Here’s a fifty—say something
complimentary about my hair.”

Ad nauseam

Wall Street Warriors: they don’t even have to uncork their bottles.
They’re that good.

Wall Street Warriors: they like to seductively stroke their chips.

Wall Street Warriors:…and tell you—“this thing, pshh, it means nothing.”

Pete told Christian that Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves
is his favorite movie.
Christian asked Pete if he knew of any good stocks he
could invest in with his money from Bed of Roses
and made him promise to “go out and rent Very Bad Things,
‘cause [he] could really use the money.”
This is our cue to leave.
Wall Street Warriors premieres October 22 on INHD

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