Planespotting: We All Make Mistakes

Author:
Publish date:
Updated on

Warren Buffett: Teterboro to Santa Monica Municipal on his Gulfstream IV
No dead hookers! This trip is fine by us!*
*Warren. Warrie. (Can we call you Warrie?). Let’s chat. No need to be afraid, we promise. Really, we’re not going to say anything defamatory. Girl Scout’s honor and you know we’re telling the truth because we were once real live Girl Scouts (yeah, we were pretty awesome at peddling Thin Mints—the crack of cookies, honestly, those babies practically sell themselves—back in the day). Okay. Wow, this is harder than we thought it’d be. Seriously, we’re shaking. Does anyone have any Valium up in this bitch? No? It’s all gone? Honestly, whose turn was it to refill that prescription? Jesus, if we’re going to do one thing right, let’s do this, okay? (Sorry, it’s just something that we’ve had, like, a billion office meetings about and every time we say we’re going to implement a system and follow the system and we never do and it’s just kind of frustrating how something we’ve talked about a thousand times could be so flagrantly disregarded like that).
Anywho. So. You know how sometimes, in the past, so, so far in the past that it’s like, well, it’s kind of like it never happened, we’ve had some good natured jabs at your expense? Like, you know those, little jokes and stuff? You know what, let’s not even call them jokes how about something more fitting like, um, like ‘love pokes’? Yeah, that’s better. So, the love pokes—the loves poke, the love pokes, don’t make us say—ok, like saying you were going to hell, that you were trying to get people to think you were Jewish, that you were a smug little bitch, the way you just up and auctioned off your 2001 town car like you were too good for it or something, and a little high and mighty if you ask us for thinking that someone would want to buy that piece of crap just because it was yours, etc. What’s that? We didn’t write that about the car? Oh, well we definitely—you know what? Forget that last one, yeah, that was a mistake.
Anyhow. We'd like to take it all back. We got to work this morning and saw that your stock’s doing pretty well; mazel tov. And this has nothing to do with that but we just wanted to say we’re sorry about that stuff from before. Honestly, we don’t know what came over us. Actually, can we be honest? It was Carney. He’s been going through some personal problems (rehab) and for some reason (heroin) really laid into us about “writing as many hurtful things, even though you don’t want to, as possible about Warren Buffett.” But today we finally stood up to him and it feels great and we just wanted to share that with you. So, what do you say, water under the bridge? Because I think we should date (mate).

Related