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The Horrors of Halloween

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Halloween may be the world’s worst holiday. First of all, if people are encouraged to wear costumes where you work, you know that cute girl from recruiting—the one with the still discernable Long Island accent—came in as a “sexy” something or other. Just keep your distance today and remember that sexual harassment laws apply even if she is dressed like a Hooker Cop.
Second, if you’ve got kids, you’re spending the evening trailing them around as they pick up the most loathsome candies imaginable. And then you’re going to spend the rest of the week trying to talk them down off the sugar high, and probably the rest of the year paying for the dental damage incurred.
Third, if you live south of Fourteenth Street in Manhattan, you’ve got that parade to deal with. Which means you won’t be able to get home without combating about ten thousand people who think cross-dressing is an original and daring achievement.
Finally, there are no good Wall Street themed costumes this year. Discernable visages such as Ivan Boesky and Michael Milken are dated. How do you dress like Amaranth or Backdating? Isn't natural gas invisible?
We guess you could do “A.J.” or “Lucy Gao” or “Aleksey Vayner” but those folks lack a certain, uhm, visual presence required for a good costume. Who can tell the difference between an Aleksey Vayner costume and that douchebag who hated Ralph Macchio in the Karate Kid?
What’s the October 31st translation of “Bah-Humbug” anyway?