Wall Street Warriors, (Legitimately) Episode 2: Postmortem

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Bess here, done with episode one and ready and raring to go with episode two. (And ready, dying, to get back to the first-person plural. I feel naked without it). If the first episode of Wall Street Warriors knocked your socks off, hold on to your pants, because episode two is like the A.D. to episode one’s B.C. WSW’s pièce de résistance. And why, pray tell? For two reasons. 1. Bob’s made it into the opening credits! And 2. Well, reason number two, is two words, friends. Reason number two is: TIM. SYKES. B’nai Mitzvah extraordinaire.


“It all happened,” Tim tells us, "freshman year." It was at this time that Sykes parlayed something around 15k of his hard earned bar mitzvah money (anyone who’s had one can tell you—Haf Torah portions are no joke) into $1.5 million. Commuting from his bedroom to his living room in little more than a robe, a tee-shirt, and—what we can assume was for our benefit—a pair of boxers, Tim laments that he’s “25 and looking for respect and hasn’t gotten any.” Then he gets to work. We’ll check back in with him later, because we’ve got some pressing matters to tend to on the Sandy front.
Sandy’s colleague, it seems, has fucked up, big time. He was supposed to send some papers last night that were necessary for her to complete a $500 million deal and, apparently, Mr. Johnny-come-lately…didn’t. We’ve never actually worked in the field so we think this is a big deal but we can’t exactly be sure. The dramatic music helps tip the scales. Back to Tim.
With terrorist threats on the Holland Tunnel, things are tense. “Everything’s going haywire,” Tim-ski informs us. “Everyone’s just shitting their pants now—it’s going to be a crazy day!” Why does it always have to be about feces with you, Sykes? This is high-definition. Let’s clean it up a bit.
In another part of town, Guy, walking down the street, checks his Blackberry and agrees. “The markets are not happy, markets are not happy at all about this.” Cue first b-roll of the episode: Guy walks down the hallway and waxes philosophically about hunkering down and not making any rash decisions. Hello, b-roll, it’s good to see you. It’s been a long time. Too long, we’d venture to say.
Facticle: Bob is a former US marine.
Tim’s got a potential investor coming over soon. So he should probably change out of his bathrobe and freshen up a bit, right? WRONG. As it turns out, the answer is not so simple because just as Tim tells us about the meeting, his short being to drop. “I’m conflicted-- do I take the meeting, which is much better in the long run ahh, I don’t know!” This getting a little too intense, even for us. A good time, we decide, to hit pause and flip over to Nip/Tuck.
And we’re back.
Bob tells us a bedtime story about losing his cool and throwing a $3,000 monitor at a fellow specialist. “I paid a $100 fine, which was fair,” he says, ruefully but not apologetically. (You don’t owe anyone anything in our book, Bob).
Back to Tim. Having decided to invest in the long run, Sykes changes out of his robe, dons a nice looking button down and slip-ons (nothing wrong with keeping it casual, people), cleans up a bit and waits for the potential investor. Alexander Morris arrives and Tim tells him, “This is where my experience comes in handy, because after 8 years of doing this crap [I know what I’m doing].” Sykes brings Morris over to his computer where, ostensibly, the magic happens and we see a shot of just their faces screaming at the monitor—“fake out, those sixes, boom!” We’re not entirely convinced they’re not playing Madden (not that there’s anything wrong with that). And not that this is evidence to the contrary but Sykes then sells his remaining shares in order to continue the meeting. (“Meeting” “Madden” same diff.).
Sandy takes her errant colleague to task: "I'm basically calling you to tell you that I'm expecting to see documents today. Let me stop you right there-- you shouldn't have told me that it was going to be ready today. To be quite honest with you I expect to see something by this afternoon." It's all said very slowly and emphatically, so that if the guy hasn't gotten it by now, he's in deep shit. Even we feel like a naughty child after this scolding.
Back to Tims. Things are not going well. We’ll let him speak for himself:

This is an endless curiosity in trying to predict the future.
This is the afternoon fade that I’m talking about--
I was about two hours too early
Because once it cracked 590 you can see it went
straight to 550 and I did not take advantage of it
I would have gotten to the 4,000 barrier that I wanted
This is ridiculous I had 14,000 shares left
THIS IS FUCKING PERFECT AND I JUST MISSED IT!!!
You check back you check back and I said
562 close that was my call at 10 am
rewind it we can play this over and over again
[editor get cute, rewinds tape, even uses that ‘rewind’ noise, for authenticity]
[Sykes, that morning:] I still fully expect this thing to tank in the afternoon.
End of the day it closes at 5.60.
[Afternoon again:]
So don't fucking tell me you can’t predict where the stocks are going,
because this was fucking dead on.
This was an opportunity lost.
In the end we all learned a valuable lesson--
not to walk away from the computer
in the mid afternoon when you think there's going to be a mid afternoon fade.
That's it
Lesson learned
Good bye.

Sykes utters these last words in a tone our parents used to take when had done something "very, very bad." In fact, Sykes, like Sandy, fully succeeds in making us want to scream "You're the worst parents ever" and "We're running away from home." Unfortunately, we're gluttons for punishment-- bring on episode three.

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