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ABC Knows Six Things You Aren't Going To Do With Your Goldman Sachs Bonus


ABC earns its keep today with 1,000 Variations on How to Spend Your Goldman Sachs bonus. They don't dirty their hand with the plebes who will only be earning around $600k but, rather, skip to the good stuff-- those scoring a cool $100 mill. Theirs here, ours after the jump.

You could feed about 800,000 children for a year ($60 million), recreate the Tom Cruise-Katie Holmes and Brad Pitt-Jennifer Aniston weddings four times over ($16 million), buy one of Mel Gibson's private islands ($15 million), and still remain a millionaire nine times over.
You could provide immunizations for more than 40,000 impoverished children for a year ($37.5 million), then throw a birthday party for your daughter and one million of her closest friends ($60 million). You'd still have enough to buy a different color Rolls Royce for each day of the week ($2.5 million).
You could pay Harvard tuition for more than 1,500 students who couldn't afford it ($70.5 million), provide health care to over 1,000 Americans for a year ($7 million), and still have enough to buy a different Brioni designer suit for every single day of the year ($6,000 suits for all 365 days would cost $22 million).
You could take everyone in the country of Grenada to a Broadway show, then buy the most expensive apartment in New York City (a triplex penthouse at the Pierre Hotel, $70 million), and still have an extra $15 million dollars in your pocket — over 300 times the median income of the average American household.
You could buy every person in Kansas City a pair of Manolo Blahnik shoes (147,000 pairs of $400 shoes comes out to about $60 million) and still have $40 million dollars left — that's more than 500 times the average doctor's salary in the United States (about $80,000).
You could buy 1,000 gala tables at your favorite charity's ball ($10 million), provide winter blankets for 350,000 children in developing countries ($14 million), personally pay Derek Jeter's salary for a year ($21 million), and still buy your own private Boeing jet ($55 million).

What To Do With Your Goldman Sachs Bonus [ABC News]

You could start off the day by acquiring (valued at $36 mm), proceed to extort Yoko Ono ($2 mm), have Vin Diesel make an appearance at your birthday party at Bowlmor Lanes ($12 mm), purchase 2 million Jim Cramer bobbleheads to give as party favors ($40 mm), and top it all off with an all-night all-access pass to the Andrew Ross Sorkin Pleasure Palace ($10 mm).