ABC earns its keep today with 1,000 Variations on How to Spend Your Goldman Sachs bonus. They don't dirty their hand with the plebes who will only be earning around $600k but, rather, skip to the good stuff-- those scoring a cool $100 mill. Theirs here, ours after the jump.
You could feed about 800,000 children for a year ($60 million), recreate the Tom Cruise-Katie Holmes and Brad Pitt-Jennifer Aniston weddings four times over ($16 million), buy one of Mel Gibson's private islands ($15 million), and still remain a millionaire nine times over.
You could provide immunizations for more than 40,000 impoverished children for a year ($37.5 million), then throw a birthday party for your daughter and one million of her closest friends ($60 million). You'd still have enough to buy a different color Rolls Royce for each day of the week ($2.5 million).
You could pay Harvard tuition for more than 1,500 students who couldn't afford it ($70.5 million), provide health care to over 1,000 Americans for a year ($7 million), and still have enough to buy a different Brioni designer suit for every single day of the year ($6,000 suits for all 365 days would cost $22 million).
You could take everyone in the country of Grenada to a Broadway show, then buy the most expensive apartment in New York City (a triplex penthouse at the Pierre Hotel, $70 million), and still have an extra $15 million dollars in your pocket — over 300 times the median income of the average American household.
You could buy every person in Kansas City a pair of Manolo Blahnik shoes (147,000 pairs of $400 shoes comes out to about $60 million) and still have $40 million dollars left — that's more than 500 times the average doctor's salary in the United States (about $80,000).
You could buy 1,000 gala tables at your favorite charity's ball ($10 million), provide winter blankets for 350,000 children in developing countries ($14 million), personally pay Derek Jeter's salary for a year ($21 million), and still buy your own private Boeing jet ($55 million).
What To Do With Your Goldman Sachs Bonus [ABC News]
You could start off the day by acquiring hornymanatee.com (valued at $36 mm), proceed to extort Yoko Ono ($2 mm), have Vin Diesel make an appearance at your birthday party at Bowlmor Lanes ($12 mm), purchase 2 million Jim Cramer bobbleheads to give as party favors ($40 mm), and top it all off with an all-night all-access pass to the Andrew Ross Sorkin Pleasure Palace ($10 mm).