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Give Yourself More Time

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Returning to DealBreaker’s coverage of the nuclear pupil explosion of insightfulness that is the Yahoo! Personal Finance website, today we review Penelope Trunk’s latest column. According to Yahoo! Personal Finance, “The Brazen Careerist” Penelope Trunk, former marketing executive and professional beach volleyball player (Impossible really is nothing!), “writes counterintuitive but effective career advice for a new generation of workers, where she explains why old advice -- like pay your dues, climb the ladder, and don't have gaps in your resume -- is outdated and irrelevant in today's workplace.”
DealBreaker’s *shocking* discovery is that almost all of the advice administered on Yahoo! Personal Finance is so bland, so generic and so impersonal, that it can be applied to almost anything, including (but not limited to) Asian Butterfly Escorts.
So, here it is, Penelope’s “Top Tips for Giving Yourself More Time,” (completely unaltered!) applied to an Asian Butterfly Escort: (after the jump)

1.Delegate stuff you like – Unlike most girls, she’s paid not to freak out when you ask her to stick her finger there.
2.Don’t use voicemail – Unless you use the following helpful tips.
3.Prioritize – You won’t have time for the rubber chickens covered in canola oil if you spend too much time in the harness.
4.Go to the gym – High intensity workouts, prolonged sexual bouts. Blasted lats, less trans-fats. Bigger guns, girls role-playing as nuns. You work in finance and are awesome, she gets in your pants for a small sum. You’re a bore but you’re ripped, she’s a whore and unzipped.
5.Don’t use your in-box as a filing cabinet – Ouch. Although what you do with your in-box is your own business.
6.Use software for complicated processes – Namely, is this a business expense or tax deductible in any fashion? Software may help you through financial implications of your decision. Although I’ve always been a fan of less Quicken and more stickin’.
7.Do your top thing first – A real ice-breaker, since, unlike work, you have most of the control over any implementation of top-down architecture. Desensitize your partner to that array of strangely contorted faces.
8.Know what your boss cares about – The bottom line…which she just snorted.
9.Get a life – There are lots of policies with “accident forgiveness.” Especially if your tires are worn, your muffler is clogged, your fluids need replaced, your rear fender is scratched, or if it burns when you pee.
10.Use IM to be friendly, not efficient – She’s older than her IM name suggests, we swear.
11.Send flowers – Once you convince yourself that it meant something to her you can do it again with less crippling guilt ease. Try lotus blossoms.
Top Tips for Giving Yourself More Time – [Yahoo! Personal Finance]