Juiced

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Just as I was wondering why I was developing a fully functional teat line, Starbucks plans to ditch certain dairy products that originate from cows that make Barry Bonds look like he hits for average. This move coincides with Starbucks' new "health" kick, and recent pledge to eliminate trans fat from pastries. Fortunately, consuming massive doses of Recombinant Bovine Growth Hormone (rBGH) is not scientifically proven (yet) to be “harmful,” according to many Monsanto funded studies. Starbucks currently offers rBGH free dairy in 37% of its milky goodness. No word on whether Starbucks plans to stop using trace amounts of crack in mochas. Investors still need their fix, and Starbucks is trading up slightly, at 91% of its 52-wk high.

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