Skip to main content

Watching oranges thaw and corn piles shrink

  • Author:
  • Updated:

Financial news today is much like watching the grass grow, or Dick Clark age, or the homologous fossils God puts in perfect geological order in rock beds to test our faith…fossilize.
Apparently oranges are thawing too, or at least need to, to avoid the loss of miles of citrus-bearing fields in California. Despite fueling New Yorker schadenfreude that California is not always a pony filled paradise, temperatures as low as 22° caused oranges to do something they haven’t done since Ponce de Leon (or spring break Panama City 2002 where that girl touched your leg) – wish they were in Florida. Not only could this deep freeze result in dry, barren Oranginas, but losses creeping up over $1bn. Avocados and strawberries may be next according to local farmers, putting yuppie salads and shortcakes nationwide in danger.
Fortunately, the worst of the CA freeze is over, according to various AccuWeather proclamations, but the largest crop in the nation is also at risk. The shrinking corn pile, which may or may not be an independent art-house film set inside a commode, has the DOA concerned that ethanol prices will continue to surge as global corn production fails to match demand, occasionally due to demonic pre-pubescent uprisings. Corn prices per bushel are at a 10 year high, making pecks (4 per bushel), at a premium.