"Dealbreaker Did What?": How Not To Manage Press, Courtesy of Abernathy MacGregor

Author:
Publish date:

Yesterday we passed on the 411 that Ivy Asset Management, after suffering a reported $1 billion in redemptions due to its poorly placed investments in that infamous "multi-strategy" hedge fund in Greenwich, would not be passing out its annual gifts of cash, pony rides and jumbo-sized gumball machines otherwise known as "bonuses" to deserving employees. A hedge fund newsletter also posted an item on the story, as did Institutional Investor. Today, Abernathy MacGregor, which represents Ivy, got a wee bit huffy about the reporting of such news, and contacted the financial newsletter demanding a correction/retraction/first-born child to make up for the transgression. The hedge fund newsletter asked, quite reasonably, we think, "Well, IS Ivy giving out bonuses?" to which the Flack responded, "Um, I guess."**
** Note: being able to manage a simple declarative sentence, regardless of whether it is true, ought to be a prerequisite for PR employment, should it not? Also: she guesses? Is the "hedge fund bonus" a potentially subjective reality that can simultaneously exist while possibly not existing? A sort of fiscal Schrodinger's cat? We're not sure.


Still upset about the whole thing this afternoon, the flack in question dispatched one of her minions to email the newsletter a little threat, informing them that "DealBreaker is pulling the story."
Aside from the questionable assumption that our retraction of a story would inflict fear into the hearts of others, what's most interesting about this email is the fact that, um, pulling said story would require us to be contacted (by phone, email, carrier pigeon, singing telegram, whatever) about pulling said story.
When not engaging in no-holds barred Badmitton and Uno Tournaments (the former and latter of which I always, even before the "accident," beat Carney at), we usually find ourselves with time on our hands. So we placed a call to Flackdom to say--Hey, you, while we do, in fact, have a little bit of ESP (our breasts can always tell when it's going to rain...okay, when it is raining... especially Carney's), we don't just pull stories without being asked to do so. (Or ever, really.)
Flack-a-lack paused, thought about it and said "We contacted your editor."
Us: “John?”
F-a-L: “Yeah…”
Us: “john at dealbreaker dot com?”
F-a-L: “Yeah…”
Us: “John never received that e-mail.”
F-a-L: [hangs up]
So. Does this prove or disprove that Ivy is getting bonuses this year? Hard to say. But, as they, they lady may doth protest too much.
Earlier: Amaranth Not The Only One Getting Screwed By Amaranth

Related