'Fortune' Tests Our Gag Reflexes, Goldman Sachs Gets Caught In the Crossfire

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We’re all for giving credit where credit’s due but not when it compromises our steadfast pact to not see our lunch in reverse order. Unfortunately, it's an occupational hazard that we grapple with daily, today’s example being Fortune’s piece on how "sooooooooo mind-blowingly AMAZING Goldman Sachs is.” Any article written about the Nebbishy Master of the Universe’s kingdom is obviously going to mention the fact that, yeah, Goldman Sachs is pretty great and does do pretty well for itself. And, considering our love of puns (quasi-puns, whatever), we have to say that the first line didn’t so much bother us as make us wish we’d written it ourselves: “On Wall Street there's good and then there's Goldman.” But after that it just gets a little “uh, are we walking in on something we weren’t supposed to see?”:
+ “Goldman Sachs is soaring on record revenues and earnings. The blistering pace may slow, but the long-term outlook remains bright”
+ “Goldman's glittering reputation has only gotten brighter.”
+ “Goldman Sachs trumped them [Bear Stearns, Lehman, Morgan Stanley] all.”
+ "The restructuring of the world's financial system is playing right into Goldman's strengths, and therefore, ultimately, this company's earnings should be extraordinarily strong."
Maybe they're hoping for a GS-led buyout from Papa Time Warner? Hard to say. Look, we'll gladly admit it: everyone loves a Jew. We just want to caution F that it's not considered healthy to have your jaw unhinged for such prolonged periods of time. On another note: has anyone seen how fine Lehman's been looking these days? Break us off a piece of that!
Related: Slate: ‘STOP DANCING AROUND THE PINK AND PURPLED STRIPED ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM!’
Goldman is going strong [Fortune]

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