Giving Poster Boy For Insider Trading An Entirely More Boring Meaning

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We've been sitting around the office for the better part of the morning trying to figure something out. No, not, "Did Carney's beard add gravitas to his appearance on CNBC or did it just make the whole operation look like b-roll from Court TV?"—though that question has been plaguing us for some time.
What we're wrestling with this a.m. is the latest insider trading extravaganza and, you know, how it makes us feel. Because that's how we analyze things around here: from the heart and without reason.
First off, it's become readily apparent to us that everyone covering the story got together and said, let's really drive home the Boesky connection. And not that we're not always up for connections but the thing is—we'e already lived through the whole Boesky deal. Or at least JC has, and I got myself up to speed a few years later with Michael Douglas's take on the situation. Illegal tips. Egos. Russians. Blah. Blah. Blah. It's all the same. History repeats itself and that's why history is boring.
Whatever happened to past performance not guaranteeing future results? These days it's just all past performance performing the past again. We read all the hype over this insider trading scandal and feel like we've got a cousin in town who is totally excited to see Phantom of the Opera for the seventh time.
When the Plotkin case came along, now that got us excited.
A. There was a ballet dancer involved
B. The groundwork for the scheme was laid out at Spa 88—schvitzing and blintzing and insider trading, oh my!
Now, what it is what is is. And what is is a bunch of middle-aged men getting together at Oyster Bar in freaking Grand Central Station to lay out their plan for world domination to repay someone a measly $25,000. (Also: Oyster Bar in Grand Central Station? What, the Houlihan's at Penn wasn't good enough for them?). And here's the best part of it—a few of the guys involved have already pleaded guilty! Snore. Even Boesky and Milken put up a fight, for a bit.
No courtroom drama, no character witnesses suddenly gone missing the night before they're supposed to testify, no stern looking prosecutors with grating voices and cute names like Rudy.
At least Shpigelman was man (or boy) enough to entertain us with the argument that he did what he did because of "false promises, deception, intimidation and flattery." Okay, that's a little girly. Makes him sound like a girl waking up in the DTD house and regretting that those last four shots of Peach Schnapps made Brian looks kind of like he might be a good boyfriend. But you get our point.
It'd be wishful thinking on all of our parts to assume that any of these newbies will do anything but lie back and take it. Perhaps the one saving grace in the whole profoundly underwhelming deal (that's right—we found it necessary, nay, irresponsible-not-to, qualify the 'underwhelming') is that "the case was so complex that the United States attorney in Manhattan, Michael J. Garcia, yesterday used a large poster board to explain the inner workings."
A poster board!

(photo credit: Business Week)
The Century's Big Insider-Trading Bust [Business Week]
Feds Charge 14 in Insider Scheme [thestreet .com]

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